My Photo

Biography

My name is Lori. I write. I teach. I enjoy intelligent conversation, professional football, big government, and the public library.

Additionally:

1. I am almost always cold.
2. I am morally opposed to making my bed, any combination of fruit and chocolate, and the ground-rule double.
3. I have moved 12 times in the last 8 years.
4. I hate moving.
5. But I'm also not partial to staying in the same place for a real long time.
6. I've lived in Janesville and Whitewater, Wisconsin; Washington DC; New York City; San Antonio; Austin; and currently Madison.
7. I'm a Christian.
8. It's an important part of who I am.
9. But I'm not judgemental or preachy.
10. Anymore.
11. That was hard to admit.
12. Since college graduation just over 8 years ago, I've had 13 jobs.
13. Four were with the same non-profit though.
14. Some were contract, temp, or part-time and simultaneous.
15. I read a lot.
16. Mostly fiction, because I have a short attention span and require some suspense to keep me going.
17. Although I've been getting more into biographies and memoirs recently.
18. I have one sister, one brother, one sister-in-law, one brother-in-law, one niece, and one nephew.
19. I have no pets.
20. Which doesn't bother me at all.
21. I'm pretty ok with putting off the whole cleaning up someone else's fecal matter thing until I have kids.
22. I'm very shy around new people.
23. The more I care about someone's opinion of me, the less able I am to form complete sentences around that person.
24. Much less witty banter.
25. I really want to sky-dive someday.
26. I have a lot of shoes.
27. I never wear belts.
28. I used to be a really picky eater.
29. I'm not terribly picky anymore, except for pizza vegetables.
30. I don't like any of them.
31. Which makes people assume that I'm terribly picky.
32. I love Ethiopian food, mostly I'm sure because it's bread-intensive.
33. I played the clarinet in school.
34. I don't believe in worrying and seldom do it.
35. This really bothers some people.
36. My favorite word is "gelatinous" because I think it's funny.
37. Although "malevolent" is a close second. For the way it rolls off the tongue.
38. I'm impulsive and therefore would seem the type to elope.
39. Which I suppose could still happen.
40. But I think I'd like to have a wedding.
41. I have attended, near as I can remember, 33 weddings.
42. So I have some ideas.
43. Grammar is unreasonably important to me.
44. I was in the colorguard in high school and college.
45. I didn't want to join the colorguard in the first place, but my best friend Crystal and I did everything together, so I joined because she was.
46. I tend to accidentally steal pens.
47. Because I forget that I have someone else's pen and walk away.
48. However, if someone is walking away with my pen I will let them and not even say anything.
49. So I figure it evens out, pen kharma-wise.
50. I can't drink pulpy orange juice.
51. I have some texture issues with food.
52. Which also leaves out cherries, grapes, guacamole, coconut, cooked spinach, and all beans except green.
53. Now you think I'm terribly picky, don't you?
54. I don't have a lucky number.
55. I had a lucky pen once, but I lost it.
56. I really have no fixation with pens. The frequency of their appearance on this list is merely coincidental.
57. Although now that I've started, I may as well mention that I prefer blue ink over black.
58. I think it's friendlier.
59. I don't like to write in pencil.
60. I have weak ankles and tend to sprain them a lot.
61. So I can't stand up in figure skates.
62. I do ok in hockey skates though.
63. I don't have much depth perception, so I can't catch.
64. If you throw something at me, I will most likely shield my face while shrieking, "I don't catch!"
65. Which did not make me popular in gym class.
66. I wish I didn't have so much stuff.
67. I owe the library money right now.
68. I type very quickly.
69. Which means that sometimes I send people really long emails without actually intending to.
70. I just dangled a preposition and there's nothing you can do about it.
71. If I were to start a rock band, I'd call it Petty Rebellion.
72. I found that phrase in something I wrote.
73. I read a lot of Dave Barry, so I unconsciously scan my own writing for things that would be a good name for a rock band.
74. I have no ambition whatsoever to be in a rock band.
75. I have very little ambition in general.
76. I'd like to finish one of the novels that I'm writing.
77. I'd like to travel a lot more than I already have.
78. I am irrationally freaked out by cockroaches.
79. I discovered a couple of years ago that I am rather allergic to fire ant stings.
80. I don't answer my cell phone a lot of the time.
81. I am a terrible voicemail-leaver and tend to babble on and on, incapable of just ending the message already, which is part of the reason that I don't like the phone.
82. I'm bad at remembering names.
83. I always park in the same row at SuperTarget, no matter how far away an empty spot is because otherwise I will leave the store having no earthly idea where I parked.
84. I am very good at parallel parking.
85. Which did not come in so handy in Texas.
86. When eating cake or cupcakes, I eat all of the frosting off first.
87. I could eat goat cheese all day, every day.
88. I often shout at the TV during Meet the Press.
89. The first concert I went to was New Kids on the Block.
90. I don't tell you that because I'm proud of it.
91. I have been to many cooler and more musically respectable concerts since that time (which was 1990.)
92. I almost got a tattoo once, but it was expensive and I was unemployed.
93. Also I have a bit of a commitment phobia.
94. I dislike mornings.
95. I'm typically most productive after 10pm.
96. I am not a very adventurous dresser.
97. I wish I had more fashion sense.
98. I daydream a lot.
99. Bright lights make me sneeze.
100. This was harder than I expected.