Dear Brett Favre,
Thank you for winning me a fantasy game by getting the ball to Donald Driver, particularly that one time in the end zone. Now, at 1-3, I have a better record than you do and I'm sorry about that. I would trade you Terrell Owens if I could. Then again, you need a whole offensive line too, and I don't even have one of those. I know that you're at the bottom of your division and so am I, although I'm not there alone. I'm tied with a team called the Slutrags and I think I'd rather be all alone than considered on par with a Slutrag. Because that is not a pretty mental picture.
I hope the rest of your team rises to the occasion at some point. I hope your family is able to rebuild their homes and lives after the hurricane and that your wife's cancer ordeal really is over. I hope that you'll pass along my contact info to any single teammates who can read above a fourth grade level. And most of all, I hope that Driver becomes your go-to guy and scores LOTS of touchdowns.
Please don't leave me alone with the Slutrags! It's just not sanitary.
your #1 fan,