That's it. We're fighting. I'll admit--you seduced me with your nice weather and your fresh oranges the size of my head and your clam chowder in a sourdough breadbowl for sale right on the street. I was willing to overlook your batshit crazy politics. But now, NOW you have gone too far.
I think you know what this is about. I thought I was over it but then you rubbed it in my face again today right in the middle of Celebrity Poker Showdown. Is nothing sacred, California?
Happy cows live in California, you say. You greedy bastards. Wisconsin has one thing! One! Why must you try to take even that away from people who have done nothing to you but spend their hard-earned dollars cleaning your Rose Bowl out of beer. (Seriously, you didn't see that coming?) What, cornering the American market on television, movies, wine, produce, and crazies weren't enough for you? Now you're gunning for America's Dairyland. Why, California? Why?
You should know that in addition to cheese, we also produce alarming amounts of beer. What? Too good for beer? Well I hope you enjoy drip drying, because we're also your number one (pun intended!) source of toilet paper.
So lay off, California. And enjoy your tofurkey and cranberry sauce. Whoops! Who controls the cranberry supply? Something to think about.
your cheesehead friend,