So, I'm watching Passions again. Because I have NOTHING BETTER TO DO. And allow me to say, as awesome as I thought this show was back around Christmas when I started watching it, those old episodes were downright mundane compared to what's going on these days. Such as today, when the actress portraying Beth got to utter what may be the best soap opera line of all time:
Thank God for the lesbians!
Indeed. See, most of the residents of Harmony have coincidentally ended up in Rome. Crazy, right? I know! Anyway, they've caught Alastair (Grampy) and foiled his attempt to use the Holy Grail (hidden not-so-sneakily in the Vatican) (and it turns out that Dan Brown was completely wrong--it's just a golden cup) to rule the world. They've got him surrounded when his goons appear as if from nowhere and attack our friends!
Noah and Ethan, realizing that there's no way to win this fight on their own, send Paloma and The Other Girl Whose Name I Don't Actually Know (hereafter referred to as TOGWNIDAK) to find help. So naturally, they go to the police, but they've been paid off by Alistair and won't help. What to do? Then TOGWNIDAK has a brainstorm! She knows who will help! So she drags Paloma over to a bar with a rainbow flag and kisses her in front of a rather intimidating woman to prove that she bats for their team (which she does, but Paloma not so much) and tells her that they need help! The lesbian is not convinced until TOGWNIDAK mentions that they're fighting Alastair Crane. It turns out that the lesbians hate Alistair since he's a big "homophobic breeder" so they are in. Paloma and TOGWNIDAK arrive just in the nick of time with their army of pissed-off flannel-wearing lesbians to rescue the fair citizens of Harmony. Whew. That was a close one.
And don't even get me started on the whole thing with the mermaid. That's right. MERMAID.