While it is certainly not unreasonable at any time to be concerned about randomly falling down, there is a reason for that title. And that reason is...really impractical shoes! But so pretty:
I've resisted the pointy shoes up to now. Because I already wear a size 9 1/2! Narrow! And on a person who is not quite 5'6, those are some big feet to begin with. Do I really need to add a couple extra inches of pointiness?
And yet, Stacy and Clinton tell me repeatedly that pointy-toed shoes will elongate my legs. And I can REALLY USE that. Because the jeans that necessitated the purchase of taller shoes were marketed by the Gap as Ankle Length. Ankle! And yet they are too long on me even to be worn with my pretty Ann Taylor heels. They are Floor Length in my new irresponsibly tall shoes! Because my legs are disproportionately short, which, while making me the champion of that sit and reach event in the Presidential Fitness thing, has not done me much good since! (Except on airplanes, where I do genuinely feel sorry for you long-legged people. Even if you possibly made fun of me in gym class for my inability to succeed in the high jump portion of the Presidential Fitness thing. Tall people, with your oooh, look at us jump! Look at me now, tallies, fitting nicely into this airline seat! Ha! Ok, that did not come out so sympathetic, did it?)
But back to our subject at hand. Many people may have, say, returned the jeans that were several inches too long. And yet, who I am to turn down a perfectly good excuse to buy new shoes? Even if they do sort of remind me of that part of The Wizard of Oz where the witch's feet are sticking out from under the house.
And yet, for all of their prettiness and leg-elongating/jean-enabling powers, the fact remains that I am not a person who can safely wear these shoes. As I previously mentioned, my ankles have problems in regular shoes. So the likelihood of an ugly, humiliating, ankle-spraining, face-falling experience is high. Very, very high. On the other hand, wearing these shoes should be an excellent work-out for the old ankles. It will actually strengthen them! I am doing my wimpy ankles a huge favor! Right?
The shoes will shortly be making their public debut and I ask you, Austin area citizens, if you see me wipe out, please offer me a hand, an ace bandage, some ice. And my dignity, if you can find it anywhere.
In return, I'll totally let you borrow my shoes.