I wore light-colored linen pants yesterday. You know where this story is going already, don’t you?
First of all, I am not qualified to own linen clothing due to my complete inability to iron effectively. I iron things and they tend to come out looking roughly like they did before I started, except with a new crease that I have inadvertently added. This could be because I don’t iron very often, and therefore lack practice. I have also not once remembered, in an estimated 300 trips to the grocery store and Target since moving here, to buy starch.
But Lisa gave me some clothes recently, which included several pair of dress pants. This was very exciting for me since most of the pants I already own are rather ill-fitting. Which has not been an issue for the past couple of years since I wore jeans to work every day. And I wear jeans to this job a lot too. But then I had a meeting at the corporate headquarters, where people dress professionally, and it occurred to me that I should wear something besides jeans. I have several nice skirts, but would clearly freeze to death in a skirt in the subarctic environment that is my cubicle. The linen pants were the only new hand-me-downs that didn’t require hemming to be worn even with my highest of heels, so linen it was!
I ironed them, and they looked, well, not so great. But not so terrible either. So I put them on with my old stand-by Old Navy black button down shirt and my new fancy schmancy black boots, the effect approaching Actual Dressed-Up Professional results. And I went to work.
And then I went home for lunch, as usual. And I let the dogs in when I got there, as usual. It did not occur to me to go to my room and change my pants first since the dogs never get my pants dirty. And they didn’t get them dirty yesterday either. They DESTROYED them.
The unusual thing was, it had rained the night before. This does not happen often, and so I forgot what rain would mean. Namely that Feta would be a huge furry ball of mud. Mud which, while I toweled her off before letting her in, of course wound up all over the bottom of my right pants leg.
Then while I was eating an apple with peanut butter, Colby very sweetly laid his head on my left knee and began power-drooling.
So I thought, to end the drooling, I will give him some peanut butter! Which of course ended up all over my right knee.
Dogs 3, Linen 0
I intended to go and change just as soon as Passions was over. Change into what, I did not know. And then, a lunchtime miracle happened! The mud and drool had dried in such a way that you could not even see them! So I wiped the peanut butter off my knee with a washcloth, blowdried the resulting wet spot and went to my fancy corporate meeting, drool, mud, peanut butter residue and all.
And then I told the Internet.