Sweet flaming monkeys of doom, it starts tomorrow! Tomorrow I have to begin writing a novel that I will finish in only one month! Well, ok not finish maybe, but write at least 50,000 words of in one month. The thing is, I recently word-counted the novel that I began working on roughly 6 years ago, and I had 51,300 words. And yes, it has been on and off work, with the emphasis very heavily on the OFF. There may have even been entire years in there when I didn't even open the file because I realized what pure unadulterated crap lay within. But still, that particular statistic has me a little bit spooked.
And yet I also cannot wait to get started! This feels very foreign to me, wanting to write and not allowing myself. Probably that is why I've been posting here so much. That and a sneaking suspicion I have that I may not post so much next month. Or the opposite could happen and I could be posting here all the damn time in an effort to procrastinate the other writing. Only time will tell! I do hope to at least update the word count area every day. Then you people will be better able to guilt and shame me into completing this! (Mmmm...taste the Internet shame. It's rather salty, isn't it? Perhaps it would go nicely with a margarita?)
I have finally settled on an idea (and not a moment too soon!) which I hatched a few months ago while reading Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination by Helen Fielding, which I highly recommend if you're into Chick Lit (which I am, Internet! I suppose I should be heartily ashamed of that but I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.) My story will draw heavily on my experiences working in the office of a certain non-profit where we did things like mini-golf and have elaborate rubberband wars right there in the office during working hours. And where no one in management was ever capable of stringing together one complete sentence that did not include some hazy corporate doublespeak. Except my fictional non-profit's shady President, instead of just seeming LIKELY to be involved in criminal activities, will be accidentally discovered by my main character to actually BE involved in criminal activities. Suspense, hijinks, and wordiness will ensue! Stay tuned!!!
I fully intend to apply such word padding advice as never using contractions, never hyphenating ("poorly-written" is only one word, but "poorly written" is two!), giving my characters two or three names to always be used ("Hello, Mary Kate. This is Anthony Michael. Sarah Jessica Parker says hi."), and just having lots of dense characters who need to endlessly repeat what they and others say. See, they will repeat what they say and also what other characters say to them. It will be repetitive when they do all of that repeating of what everyone says and will use more words. The repetitiveness, I mean.
What's that, you wanted something about Halloween? You'll just have to reread last year's because there is NO TIME FOR HOLIDAYS! I've got an entire cast of characters to invent and name and a nefarious plot to both plan and uncover! I'm swamped! But if you stop by tonight in costume during official trick or treating hours, I might give you a Kit Kat.