Amy was out of town recently, leaving me with sole custody of the dogs. Since they get very crazy at night without a walk or visit to the park, I finally tried my hand at walking Colby solo, despite the frightening knowledge that Colby is much stronger than I am. But he was very good except when he saw one cat that I didn't see and practically ripped my arms out of the sockets trying to get at it. There was also an older woman outside with her cat who said hello to us and when I mentioned that Colby would like to say hello to her cat, said "Oh, does he like cats?" Yes, this 100 pound dog would like to make friends with your cat and have a play date. What do you think?
So then by the time I've walked Colby, it's getting late and there is still Feta to walk, so I decide maybe Feta and I should run part of the way. Then we could go for a shorter and faster walk while still getting her tired enough to sleep the rest of the evening. And Feta makes a good running buddy since she is so excited to be running! And so confused when I slow down to a walk and she would still like to be running! Please, let's run some more! Wait, have I just admitted to the Internet that I can't run as far as the three legged puppy?
We did this again last night while Amy was at work which fortunately induced both dogs to sleep all the way through Lori's Night of Reality Television Shame. Why shame? Because I am very sorry to tell you that I have started watching America's Next Top Model, something I swore I would never do. But Project Runway was not on that one week when there was a 2 hour premier of ANTM and what was I to do?!? I didn't want to watch this show because a) is that seriously the best title they could think of? and b) I can't stand Tyra Banks. And yet I find that she is a train wreck from which I cannot look away. Unlike my Jennifer Love Hewitt revulsion which compels me to avoid her at all costs, I am drawn to watch Tyra and despise her ever more. So yes, I watched it last night and was very happy to see Miss I Don't Care That We All Have To Share One Bathroom, I Take A Full Hour To Shower So Deal With It get kicked off. Deal with that, Monique.
Followed of course by Project Runway: The Reunion Hissyfit Special! Which featured further evidence (as if we needed it) that Vincent is certifiably insane. Did you see it when he completely flipped out and wanted to leave the show over a shirt of his that had been *gasp* machine washed? "Do not send it to the fluff and fold," he screamed, "I WILL WEAR IT DIRTY!" Vincent did not even have the good sense to be embarrassed about this after it was shown. (Nor does he apparently realize that fluff and fold is The Best Invention Ever of All Time. I miss you fluff and fold!) And after all the Tyra, I have to say Heidi is seeming like the most sensible person of all time. Oooh, and Cheaterpants came back to insist that he was framed! The cheatery books were confiscated when he got to NY and Someone put them in his room without his knowledge. Perhaps the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy? And next week: drama ensues when Laura accuses Jeffrey either of cheating or literally of pulling crafstmanship out of his ass. Hard to say.
Moving right along. Maybe it's time to step away from the puppy, turn off the television and GO GROCERY SHOPPING ALREADY.
Now that is some serious bachelor fridge. It's possible that we also have to occasionally dust the kitchen table. (Although Amy astutely pointed out that we wouldn't have to dust the table if we could just remember not to ever touch it. It's the fingerprints that give the dust away.)
Don't worry about us though, we have chocolate chips. And margaritas!
And a busted laptop which keeps shutting itself off in apparent protest of the broadband. So most likely after I take it to Best Buy there will be no time for grocery shopping since I must be home by 7:30 for Lori's Night of Shameless TV Joy, featuring: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and Luka (which some of you may know as ER.)
While Amy was gone, I was also feeding the dogs (obviously) and have decided that this sign on top of Colby's food container contains the exact phrase that Colby would choose were he able to communicate one and only one message to the world:
Seriously people, feed me. Or let me at that cat.