I make no secret of my unabashed love of Christmas music. I think it’s a real shame that we only get to listen to it for one month a year, but I suppose that therein lies much of its allure. It’s just such happy music and fun to sing along with. All of that said, there remain certain Christmas songs that I will not tolerate. These seem to be proliferating every year. The current list includes:
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – Just when my faith in humanity was restored by the canceling of OJ’s book and TV deals, this song returns to remind me that things are indeed pretty bleak.
Santa Baby – Sex, greed, and Santa. Sounds like a Dateline expose.
Do You See What I See – A star with a tail as big as a kite? That doesn’t even make sense.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen – I will listen to this song for the first five minutes. The next forty minutes of Bruce repeating ever more loudly and vehemently how Santa Claus is coming to town, not so much.
The Christmas Shoes – Has there ever been a song, nay ANYTHING as maudlin as this? I can’t imagine it, but if there were it would certainly run on the Lifetime Movie Network and star Valerie Bertinelli.
The Twelve Days of Christmas and any of the assorted novelty versions – I do make an exception for the Muppet version. It’s Muppetastic.
That’s all that comes to mind at the moment, although I certainly do not approve in general of girl or boy bands that add a crappy beat and their own verses to real Christmas songs. But otherwise, I’m down with the carols. Good thing we now have two all Christmas stations so I can flip when one of these crimes against Christmas music comes on. Because I am in need of extra holiday goodness seeing as how it is going to be 80 degrees here today. At least it’s beginning to sound a lot like Christmas. In my car anyway.
And in related holiday news, Happy Hanukkah, everybody!