I'm coming to you today from home on my lunch break since people at work keep interrupting me with their "tasks" and their "work-related items" and their "stuff for Lori to do". I know! THE HUMANITY! There is so much to do because I am taking tomorrow off. Yes, after ten days of lounging and a brutal three day work week, I'm taking tomorrow off since I leave tonight for Las Vegas! I sent an email to everyone who needs to know that I'll be gone and got a few "have fun!" responses and one BUT WHO WILL ORDER OUR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH CATERING? WHAT WILL BECOME OF US? phone call. In case you are concerned, I have ordered the catering ahead of time. No one will starve in my absence.
So, my car battery died last night. Thanks to Work Friend Raul, I was able to get to Autozone to purchase a new one. Before attaching the jumper cables, Raul first cleaned the corrosion off by pouring a Coke on it which did in fact eat the crud off on contact. Which really ought to make us all think twice about our soda consumption. And by "us all" I obviously mean "the rest of you people" because give up the free Diet Dr. Pepper? HELL NO! The interesting thing has been that the new battery seems to have fixed my CD player. A while back, it quit remembering where it was when it stopped and would always just start back at the beginning. This was getting a little bit irritating. Not irritating on the scale of, say, Incessantly Humming Coworker, but definitely in the neighborhood of a persistent eyelid twitch. But no more! Now, when I start my car, I'm right where I left off! Oh, the relief.
Next, I present What I Did Not Do on my Christmas Vacation: a report by Lori Graham, age
29 24. Seeing as how I was mostly having loungy time over my break and not having to be anywhere in the morning, I was staying up late a lot. And I saw A LOT of commercials for various call in lines, mostly promising local women. These tended to feature a girl in a midriff-baring top laying around her apartment talking about how much she loved calling this line and meeting great people. She could go out, but why? She'd rather stay in and talk to hot local singles. But my favorite was one featuring three women, apparently roommates, who are trying to figure out what to do with their evening. A night on the town? Perhaps a naked tickle-fight in the living room? After all, they're half-naked already! But no, they will call this line they've called before because the guys who came over last time were so hot! They were going to call again and they hoped that the guys would be as hot as the last ones. And when they got to the door, they were! Katie has proposed that we experiment with this the next time we're in the same city just to see what will happen. I have my doubts about the wisdom of that plan.
Ooh, and there is my new favorite Google Ad. This one for some sort of WebMD knock-off said: "Third Trimester Pregnancy: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatments of Third Trimester Pregnancy". (Yes, I did write it down so I could remember it for you people. YOU'RE WELCOME.) Now, I'm not a "medical professional" but I'm thinking that the cause of third trimester pregnancy is pretty much the same as the cause of first and second trimester pregnancy. Do we have a doctor in the house?
And finally, the exciting news that you've all been waiting for: I'm leaving tonight for Vegas! Wait, did I already say that? See, I am going to be a bridesmaid in my former roommate Holly's wedding there. And I am taking, as my travel companion/drinking buddy/wedding date, my former roommate Holly. Confused? Let me help. My former DC roommate Holly is a blonde, blue-eyed teacher. My former San Antonio roommate Holly is a blonde, blue-eyed teacher. Got it? No, I kid! Here is some clarification:
DC roommate Holly has put me in serious danger on several occasions of peeing my pants with laughter. Such as once when we were in the midst of a workday rubber band war (what, you don't have these in your office?) and I thought I'd just shoot over the cube wall in a downward fashion, not realizing that Holly, not a tall woman, was standing right there. I heard a shriek and when I got to her cube, she was on the floor convulsing. Fortunately I had not, in fact, shot her eye out and Holly being the outstanding gal that she is, was laughing, not crying and pointing to a perfect red oval on her forehead where the rubber band had left its likeness. I nearly died laughing. Seriously, I was going toward the light.
On the other hand, SA roommate Holly really, really cracks me up. (In a real and true contrast, I don't think I have ever nearly killed SA roommate Holly, to the best of my recollection.) She has also introduced several new phrases to my lexicon such as her little Mammie's "no bigger than a minute" and the you're funny/you make me laugh combo that came out "you make me funny" which I now say with regularity and don't give me strange looks about it anymore because now you know good and well where it came from. It was together that we discovered the hilarity that is Passions, the greatest soap of all time. We also may have done tequila shots together out of a shot-glass-shaped kitchen measuring cup, but I am unable really to confirm or deny that for you, the Internet.
DC roommate Holly and I danced together on our coffee table while SA roommate Holly and I regularly sang together in her car. I am equally awesome at both dancing and singing, in case you were wondering. I am available with one Holly or another for your go-go dancer and/or lounge act needs.
Gah! This has gotten so long that I cannot even bring myself to read back through it or attempt to fix this wonky formatting. Because when I said I had ordered the catering ahead of time, what I meant was that I was going to order the catering ahead of time. So there is that to do. And packing! Because unless your definition of packing includes having taken the suitcase out of the closet, then I have not yet begun to pack.
Have a great weekend everybody! Pictures and stories (as allowed by "what happens in Vegas..." law) next week!
I nearly forgot to mention that I discovered via my referrers page that if you google "drunken embarrassment" I am apparently the eighth site you'll find. Awesome! And I haven't even been to Vegas yet!