Probably some people would just say "stubborn". Probably their couches came all in one piece too. Aren't they fancy?
Posted June 06, 2007
Seeing as how my couch wouldn't fit through the door, I left it on the curb for some lucky college students and ordered a Ty Pennington Style sectional from Sears that would arrive Some Assembly Required. Because I am cheap, I decided to take a chance on getting it into my Ford Focus rather than pay the $60 delivery fee. And because I am stubbornly independent, I went by myself to pick it up rather than trouble anyone to come with me.
Once I saw the box, I was pretty convinced that it wasn't going to fit in my car. But hey! It did! The Focus has been terribly convenient that way. As opposed to my previous car, a Saturn SC2, the trunk of which was large enough to accommodate about six standard sized grapes. So the two Sears guys, working together, got it loaded up and I drove home. I had, at the time, no idea how I was going to get it out of my car, up the steps into my building, and downstairs to my apartment, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Present Me loves nothing better than screwing over Future Me.
When I got home, I tried lifting the box and found that there was clearly no chance of me moving it anywhere on my own. Fortunately, this piece of furniture came Lots of Assembly Required. I used the Swiss Army Knife on my keys to open up the box and made several trips to my apartment with the various pieces of my couch. Then I took the empty box to the trash. But not before I took a photo of it, because I am a sick person who must find blog material in every last thing I do.
Except that is nowhere near the end of this story. No, no, there were TWO of these boxes. Only one would fit in my car at a time, so I drove back to Sears, drove home, and repeated the entire process. Leaving me with not one, but two piles resembling this in my living room:
Which then became this:
I built it with my own two hands. And, you know, large pieces fabricated in China. But the point is that at no point in this process did Ty Pennington lift a finger to help. Did he even show up? No. Ty Pennington, MOVE THAT ASS!
Anyway, ta-da! Couch! Done!
Wait...
Rat bastard.
Horrible Warning says:
June 07, 2007 at 12:50 AM
OMG, I thought that was just me who did that kind of thing. Like the time I bungee corded my mattress to the top of my old Neon because I just *had* to sleep in my new rental even though I had the old (boring) one for 2 more days.
I'm very lucky it was only 2 residential blocks...wind + mattress = uh oh.
I'm strangely proud of you. You totally rock.
Kelly G says:
June 07, 2007 at 07:46 AM
For future reference... You have friends, less than an hour away with a MINI VAN. We have proven effectively its ability to haul many IKEA type items home, so I am sure it could handle sears too. Just so you know.
Christopher says:
June 07, 2007 at 08:13 AM
This was one of the best entries so far. My favorite line was, "Present Me loves nothing better than screwing over Future Me."
Daily Tragedies says:
June 07, 2007 at 09:21 AM
"Ty Pennington, MOVE THAT ASS!"
I'm not sure that will actually get your couches built. Might just distract you from the assembling...which could be OK, too.
One Smart Cookie says:
June 07, 2007 at 09:42 AM
Hey! MY last car was also a Saturn SC2. Oh, the suckage of that car. I could write thousands of words about how much I despised that car, but instead I will only write one: HATE. hate hate hate hate hate. (I didn't say I wouldn't use the SAME word over and over.)
Anyway, the new couch looks great!
Kyla says:
June 07, 2007 at 07:51 PM
Your pain entertains us. Sad, but true. *lol* This was too funny.
DogBlogger says:
June 07, 2007 at 09:27 PM
Hey! My current car is an SC2. It's stranded me far too often, so I'm pretty sure I'd hate mine too, if it weren't for the third door, which is great for letting dogs in the back seat and wedging in a 27-inch TV still in the box.
Diane says:
June 07, 2007 at 09:28 PM
I second Christopher's comment. High-larious.
Present Me does that to Future Me all the time.
Daisy says:
July 03, 2007 at 01:10 PM
You are so capable! Who needs Ty? Oh, yeah, he makes for good eye candy.
My old Honda Civic Wagon could fit amazing loads in it. I don't miss its troublesome heat and A/C, but I miss its compact parking and its roomy interior.