I really ought to have tallied use of the word troops, rather than what I chose, nuke-u-lur (a disappointing two). Troops are one thing everyone can agree on. It was almost Pavlovian. Hear "troops", stand, applaud, be seated.
Additional subjects of agreement were:
Troops in Afghanistan are extra great!
Bringing troops home from Iraq is so super awesome that applause cannot properly convey our approval! Give us a minute to construct a human pyramid, if you will.
AIDS is bad!
We are very pro-veteran!
We're not sure what you mean by "buying and selling" but we applaud anyway since you ended with "cloning of human life". No cloning people! Also, no buying or selling of them, but we thought this issue had been resolved roughly 150 years ago.
Defeat Al Qaeda? Heck yes, let's do that!
What, there's genocide in The Sudan? Well, shucks, we think that's bad!
And then they pretty much disagreed on everything else. This was signaled by Democrats remaining seated while Republicans stood to applaud. This sometimes resembled the wave that you see in stadiums, except involving fewer fat men with letters painted on their bare bellies. Sometimes though, rather than an organized wave-like motion, the members of Congress popped up randomly all over like some sort of carnival game called Whack an Old White Guy. Where is a giant mallet when you need one?
You may be unsurprised to learn that I also disagreed with the President on several topics. Such as when President Bush said that government-funded health care was not the answer. No, the answer, he said, is to expand consumer choice. Causing me to write in my notes* "give them the option to pay with Visa OR Mastercard". I don't know, in hindsight, maybe something to do with an arm OR a leg would have been more pertinent, but what can you do? The notes are already written. These are the jokes.
President Bush followed this up with the justification that decisions about your health care should be made in your doctor's office, not in the halls of Congress. Causing me to shout at the television, "THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE."
There was that bit about how we should have an international treaty on global warming, which it seemed like there already was and he vetoed it, but when you don't finish your State of the Union post until over 24 hours later, Jon Stewart is going to beat you to these kinds of observations.
*Yes, I sat down with my laptop to watch the speech and take notes for you, as has become my geeky habit. This year also included four ibuprofen for the Mother of All Headaches and hot cake for, you know, whatever.
In the interest of bi-partisanship, I'll tell you that my notes also indicate that Nancy Pelosi should have spit that lemon out before the speech started.
Well, kids, it's our last State of the Union featuring the oratorical stylings of the current President Bush. In case you're feeling a little blue about that, I think I know just how to cheer you up.