Life Lessons: Not for Sissies

I think with all experiences in life, and especially the bad or hard ones, you have a responsibility to do two things with them: learn something and (if you're me) find some blog material.  So I thought I'd go ahead and share what I've learned in the past week.  Well, you know, the more superficial things that I'm willing to share with the internet anyway.  Here we go.

Crying, if you do it regularly (and I mean if you really go to it - none of this pansy-ass softly weeping business) will:

• Provide a good ab workout.  Really saves time on doing sit-ups.  (See what I did there, making it sound like I normally do sit-ups?)
• Dehydrate you.  Although this could have something to do with reduced food intake too.  Food has a lot of water in it, doesn't it?  Some kinds of food?
• Clear your sinuses, for a little while.
• Dry the hell out of your face.  You've got to rinse, which frankly is not always convenient.  Like when you're at work and think you're going to throw up and instead immediately burst into tears upon entering a stall.  And you're not friends with your co-workers but if they see you washing your face in the bathroom or running around without make up they might ask what's going on and you do not need that.
• In the case of an anticipated or unanticipated work restroom cry, bring you closer to your co-workers, by proximity only.  Because it makes absolutely no difference which stall you choose, even if the whole place is empty, the very next person to come in will without fail choose the stall directly next to you.  WTF, ladies?

When they don't know what to say, everybody seems to default to suggesting that you eat a lot of ice cream.  While this is certainly better than any mention of looking on the bright side, it is not so helpful to me.  I can't speak for anyone else, but a week later I am still not even finding food appealing, much less comforting.  I was unable as my entire dinner one night last week to finish an order of Culver's fries.  And we all know how I normally feel about those.

You shouldn't let the dishes pile up.  Let's say they've been stacking up all week and you think to yourself "I'll do them on Sunday."  Then your Saturday night goes horribly awry.  You don't really feel like eating all week, so you don't go near the sink full of dishes.  When you finally do them a week later, you may find some mold at the bottom of the pile.  And then you may tell the internet about your disgusting lack of basic housekeeping standards.

A week of not sleeping well + Woodchuck Cider + 2 Benadryl = one hell of a night's sleep.

My inner toddler is not so far from the surface as I might like to think.  Because not only is there the whole break up thing, but also the thing about whether to stay here or move somewhere and if I move where to move and when I get there/stay here, what do I want to do?  Which has caused me at times to all but throw myself on the floor and shout I DON'T WANT TO! and then hold my breath until I turned blue.  I don't want things to change.  I'd like everything to go back to how it was a little over a week ago, please, when all I had to think about was what I wanted to do.  That question alone was enough for me.  This is too much.  NO FAIR.  DO NOT WANT.

The random internet boys who stopped the "where do u live?" emails when you announced that you were dating someone do not, upon your announcement that you're no longer in a relationship, start up again immediately.  Thanks, boys.  Keep it up.

I even learned a couple of non-break-up-related things this week:

The Zune does exist.  Really, I saw one!  Now I fully expect to run into a unicorn or leprechaun at any moment.

You can get to my blog by googling this: i put liquid laxative in the milk today, if you want the cure go to the rock show next weekend.

One thing I'll tell you of actual importance that I learned is that having a really good friendship with the person I date is very important to me.  But when you have that and you lose it, suddenly you've lost your boyfriend and one of your best friends all at once and that, in a word, sucks.

I already knew that I had some incredibly supportive people in my life and thank God, because most of all I've learned that this is so much harder than I could ever have imagined.