On Saturday, my college friend Kristine was here to photograph my place and also generally hang out. We were talking about her recent online dating experiences, which have been with a Christian dating site. You'd think the guys would be nicer. You would be wrong.
Kristine wrote to one guy to ask if he was a musician. He wrote back an extremely short answer, then took the time to write again, entirely unprompted, to tell her that he was only interested in women who are stunning. She took the high road and didn't write back. Whereas I would most likely have written back to say "How perfect. I'm only interested in men who are shallow assholes. What time are you picking me up?"
So we thought we'd look at Craig's List to see if the men of the greater Madison area might be more promising. And...yikes. Sure, there were a few guys who sounded potentially interesting, but for the most part, we found far more entertainment value than dating potential.
First, we have the many, MANY guys who specify "no drama, no games". Right. Here's the thing, boys: if you want to date women, there is going to be drama. I like to think that I'm pretty much as low-drama as women come, but that still does not ensure any man in my life a completely drama-free relationship. And secondly, boys of Craig's List, even under the best of circumstances, dating is a game. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, as long as you find someone who plays fair.
Next we have two polar opposites. There's the man of few words. Maybe he tells you his age. He's looking for a woman. That's about as much as you're getting out of him. Then we have the man with the uberspecific list of qualifications. Must be between 26 and 27 1/2. Must be "slim", "thin", "fit", "HWP", "BBW" or "takes care of theirself". Must love baseball/fishing/biking/performance art/snowboarding/cooking/death metal/Kafka. Must be family-oriented/want kids/not want kids/not have kids/understand that his kids come first in his life. Must be sweet/generous/open/affectionate/smart/funny/independent/a free spirit/driven/religious/spiritual but not religious/not religious/420 friendly. One guy specified "must run fast". Another one wanted someone with no midwestern accent. You live in Wisconsin, friend. Yes, it is one of the unsexiest accents going, but you're going to have to either get used to it or move.
Then there's your embittered guy. This guy can go one of two ways. Either he's straightforward about it and just writes something about how there aren't any REAL women left and he's a gentleman just looking for a nice girl, but he guesses there aren't any left in Madison. The other route is the deeply sarcastic "I'm looking for a drama queen to spend my money, never have sex, dump her kids on me, never cook dinner, lie, cheat, and then leave me. Is that you?" Oh, bitter guy. Maybe take some time off from the internet dating.
I've saved a couple of specific postings for last. Like this one:
seeking a woman age 20-27 who has some acquaintance with the work of pierre bourdieu, carl schmitt, alain badiou, yukio mishima etc. i know this implies a degree of effort in thought, so please, don't strain yourself.
it would also be nice if you are thin, as i am thin.
i haven't had much success meeting people who are actually interested in thinking, most people around here are more concerned with "finding themselves" or getting laid.
i'm pretty fashionable. pic for pic.
Capitalizing apparently requires a degree of effort that this guy isn't willing to strain himself with, even when it's going to good use, such as insulting his entire potential dating pool. But don't worry, ladies, not only is he interested in thinking, he's also thin and fashionable.
Then there's this guy, who finds himself in Madison after a successful career in college and semi-pro basketball:
If you've got some game on the b-ball court, let's go one on one...loser (which will be you) buys the bottle of cheap or expensive wine and cooks or buys dinner. Deal?
What girl could resist an offer like that? Forget helping Kristine, I am thinking of emailing him myself. I just can't pass up the opportunity to play basketball against a guy who has no plans to go easy on me despite the fact that he has played (semi-)professionally and that I am a girl and THEN I can buy the wine and it's entirely up to me whether I want to make dinner myself or pay for it. A lot of guys won't give you that option. What a dove.
If you like what you read here, leave me a comment. Serious replies only. I'll only respond if you include a pic. It would also be nice if you are stunning, as I am stunning. And you're buying the wine.