I read someone not too long ago writing about her inner cynical bitch. Except she said it like it was a bad thing.
The thing about my inner cynical bitch is the extent to which she tends to take people by surprise when they first meet her. Get the slightest glimpse of her, even. Because, as I have already mentioned, when people first meet me, they tend to think I'm sweet.
I'm usually pretty quiet around new people, especially in new work situations. It's a common misconception, assuming that quiet and sort of non-threatening-looking equals sweet. I think we all know what happens when one assumes, don't we?
Apparently I also have one of those honest faces. Which, frankly, can come in rather handy in certain "I would have been here on time, boss, but there was this train..." situations. But it does make my first use of sarcasm in front of a new person perhaps overly convincing. Like when I told my co-practice teacher (another wanna-be teacher from my program) that I thought the best way to teach the spirituals in our lesson would be for her to sing them. She took me seriously, as proven by the look of horror on her face.
Then in class the other day, when told to work with some other people in a group, I answered my advisor very dryly that no, I didn't really care to work with those people. And she was SHOCKED that I would say such a mean thing. See, because she had thought I was sweet. Can you even imagine what it is doing to me, keeping all of that stabbiness contained for three hours every day to the extent that anyone could doubt my capacity for meanness? If I don't rupture something (or alternately, stab somebody in the eye) by the end of this thing, it will be a small miracle.
So I'm going to have to let the cynical bitch seep out a little, here and there, which is totally going to ruin my nice girl rep. But who ever wanted a nice girl rep anyway? Currently I believe I am becoming known as the girl who doesn't want to make a poster about this if we're allowed to just summarize it aloud. There are three of us now. We sit together in the back. Then we smoke cigarettes in the bathroom at lunch and shove weaklings into lockers. Not really.