You see my true colors, and that's why you love me
Posted July 02, 2008
I read someone not too long ago writing about her inner cynical bitch. Except she said it like it was a bad thing.
The thing about my inner cynical bitch is the extent to which she tends to take people by surprise when they first meet her. Get the slightest glimpse of her, even. Because, as I have already mentioned, when people first meet me, they tend to think I'm sweet.
I'm usually pretty quiet around new people, especially in new work situations. It's a common misconception, assuming that quiet and sort of non-threatening-looking equals sweet. I think we all know what happens when one assumes, don't we?
Apparently I also have one of those honest faces. Which, frankly, can come in rather handy in certain "I would have been here on time, boss, but there was this train..." situations. But it does make my first use of sarcasm in front of a new person perhaps overly convincing. Like when I told my co-practice teacher (another wanna-be teacher from my program) that I thought the best way to teach the spirituals in our lesson would be for her to sing them. She took me seriously, as proven by the look of horror on her face.
Then in class the other day, when told to work with some other people in a group, I answered my advisor very dryly that no, I didn't really care to work with those people. And she was SHOCKED that I would say such a mean thing. See, because she had thought I was sweet. Can you even imagine what it is doing to me, keeping all of that stabbiness contained for three hours every day to the extent that anyone could doubt my capacity for meanness? If I don't rupture something (or alternately, stab somebody in the eye) by the end of this thing, it will be a small miracle.
So I'm going to have to let the cynical bitch seep out a little, here and there, which is totally going to ruin my nice girl rep. But who ever wanted a nice girl rep anyway? Currently I believe I am becoming known as the girl who doesn't want to make a poster about this if we're allowed to just summarize it aloud. There are three of us now. We sit together in the back. Then we smoke cigarettes in the bathroom at lunch and shove weaklings into lockers. Not really.
LaughingMouse says:
July 02, 2008 at 10:25 PM
OHHHHHHH, I can't wait for the real, actual "I'm teaching my own class" blogs. You have always been amusing in your own snarky, cynical, slightly condescending way. Now you're even funnier, and once there are other people's children involved ... oh the joy!!!
I, too, am not completely convinced that inner cynical bitch is the worst thing in the world to acknowledge and accept. I think, oh, i don't know, maybe, SERIAL KILLER, would be a worse thing to accept.
lissa says:
July 02, 2008 at 10:46 PM
Have no fear I would be the girl trying to get you out of detention with some master plan... or you know bribing the teacher. Either way you know we would have hung out.
Daily Tragedies says:
July 03, 2008 at 08:30 AM
Actual conversation at work yesterday:
I'm not saying this because I'm cynical and jaded; I'm saying it because IT'S TRUE.
Sharon says:
July 03, 2008 at 11:53 AM
It's true. I thought you were sweet and nice when we met. I didn't want to be your bus partner at first because you seemed like the sort of goody-goody who would give me disapproving looks if I went off-script with the kids. Little did I know I had found a civics-teaching soulmate. (What's up with all these hyphenated words?!) Of course, I hesitate to refer to that side of me as my inner bitch since, really, there's nothing inside about it. Though I may unnerve people at first, I think it's better that they understand who I am upfront. Yes, I'm always going to sit in the back and make snide comments throughout. And yes, I have perfected the covert eyeroll. And yes, I do think most of what everyone else here has to say is dumb and misguided, and I do plan on chiming in with my much wiser, more insightful viewpoint. Every class has to have a smart ass, and it's better that everyone know upfront that the position has been filled.
Jennifer says:
July 12, 2008 at 08:31 AM
Oh, man. I used to work with this whole group of people who didn't "get me" like that. I'm sure your folks will come around (most normal ones do) but some of these people NEVER got me. My boss was constantly horrified and kept saying, "That's mean spirited!" after everything I said.
You can lead a horse to funny, but you can't make him recognize it.