Almost two years ago now, I wrote this post about having lost weight and finally feeling ok about my body for once.
This is no longer the case. I haven't gained all that much. Five or ten pounds. But there are clothes that don't fit. More all the time. Which, since I gave away all of the clothes that were too big, means that there are progressively fewer things in my closet that I can wear.
This (in addition to having less stuff to move to Madison) was the idea behind getting rid of all of the too-big clothes. It would be easy to just go up a size if I still had the clothes. But I don't. And I don't have money for new, bigger clothes. Nor do I want to get any.
Because, obviously, it's not really about clothing options. It's about feeling good about how I look. I hate that I find myself going back to my sartorial security blanket - jeans and a t-shirt - any time I can get away with it. I'm hiding and I know it.
One time, when I was in high school, I was complaining about my weight to a friend. He turned to me and said, "If you don't like the way you look, then you should do something about it." Which pretty well shut me up. I've tried to keep that in mind all of these years: if I have it in my power to change it and I choose not to take any action, then I don't have any right to complain. (I have found that this principle applies to pretty much every other situation in life as well.)
Which brings us to the part where I say that I intend to stop talking about it and do something about it. This was much easier the last time, when I was living with Amy and her two dogs who needed to be walked every night. Walks that were generally about three miles in length and conducted at the pace of a person who is over six feet in height. It would get to be dog walking time and we'd change clothes and go. Every night.
Now though, it's up to me to decide when to undertake any kind of physical activity and for quite some time now, that time has been never. Which clearly has to change, along with some of my eating habits. The last time, I didn't do any sort of diet plan or make any drastic cuts. I just made better choices in general and tried not to eat when I wasn't actually physically hungry. This is the plan again. It's a diet inspired by a former coworker of mine, who when asked how he had lost so much weight, responded, "I just didn't eat so damn much."
I will move more. I will consume less. I will fit back into my clothes.
See, now it has to be true, because it's written on the internet. No take-backs.