How are you today? I'm superfantastic.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 23

A letter to someone, anyone

Dear Internet, 

Can't talk. Reading.

It's not easy either because Raj is in the same room doing school work so I have to try to muffle my laughter. The sacrifices I make for that man and his ability to continue to financially support me.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later.

XOXO, 

Lori

I am quite clearly just what this cause needed

Did you know that it's National Infertility Awareness Week? Well, it is. I think probably we're all aware that infertility exists, but probably not all of us know how painful it can really be. I know I didn't.

While people are cheerfully telling you to relax, enjoy the trying, it'll happen when it's meant to, you are feeling like a big fat failure. Broken.

However. Now, thanks to the Bloggess, I think we have an Infertility Awareness Mascot. Internet, I give you bag of defective unicorns!

They want you to love them for who they are: defective and magical.

Sounds about right. As I have found no evidence of a pre-existing Infertility Awareness mascot, I am officially choosing the Defective Unicorn on behalf of everyone aboard the infertility train. You're welcome, fellow travelers. There's one item officially off our collective to do list. You can get your very own Defective Unicorn (a whole bag of them, in fact!) by following the link above. What are you supposed to do with a bag of defective unicorns? Listen, I can't figure out everything for you. I don't know your life.

Anyway, Infertility Awareness Week is almost over, so I guess we'll have to wait until next year to get the Margo t-shirts and novelty socks made. (The unicorn's name is Margo.) Probably someone else will need to be in charge of that. My work here is done.

If you haven't already read the Bloggess post I'm referring to, you really should. You know, if you're the sort of person who enjoys humor and good writing. Though if you haven't already read the story of Beyonce the giant metal chicken, you'll need to read that first for background. Also because it might be the single most hilarious thing ever written.

Down in my Heart

You guys know how I like to steal post ideas from better bloggers, right? Well. Heather Armstrong posted recently about how she's working on figuring out things that bring her joy so she can make sure to incorporate them into her life. Not big, ambitious bucket list kind of stuff. Little everyday things that can actually be added into a person's day without a lot of trouble or expense.

This seemed like a valuable exercise for me and for all of you. I'll start us out. And then all of you will follow! Especially those of you who complain to me and others that I don't post often enough! Ok?

Some things I could do more often that bring me joy:

reading fiction - just over five weeks left in the semester until I can read whatever I want again!

doing yoga - not so much the WAHOO! kind of joy as the AHHHHH... kind of joy

drinking champagne - obviously

exploring the place I live in

flirting with my husband

cooking and baking for other people

helping kids get better at reading

spending time outside in the sunshine

hanging out with friends

writing something that doesn't require APA citations

Ok, now it's your turn. Aaaaaaaaand GO!

I'm told it's already made one person cry. In case that's a selling point for you.

Friends! I have a guest post up today on the blog of our incredibly talented wedding photographer, Amanda Summerlin. You should head over there and read it! After I wrote it, I thought, "Huh. Why couldn't I write something like that after the wedding for my own blog?" Because I was saving it for Amanda, apparently. So clearly, I'm proud of this one and I hope you like it too.

CLICK HERE to read my post!

CLICK HERE to check out Amanda's website!

Ten points to the first person to identify the source of the quote that's the title of my post.

Constantly Ask Yourself

Recently, I followed a link to this collection of letters from dads to their daughters. Several famous men had contributed. While of course I loved Aaron Sorkin's letter (as I have everything else he's written) what stood out most was this quote from Michael Buckley, a VP at Facebook:

I hope you constantly ask yourself, “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” and that you then go do that thing.

So, yeah. I think I've got a new mantra.

If you still want to participate in the book club, please do join in the comments on the post below.

An Idea I Had

A few years ago, Katie and I started a long-distance book club while I was living in Madison and she was in DC. I think we discovered that we were both reading The Lovely Bones or both had it or something. Anyway, we recently brought back the idea. When I explained to Raj that meant we'd both read the same book and then discuss some questions about it, he said in a tone that suggested he'd rather remove his own appendix without anesthesia, "Like in...English class?" (Replace "English class" with "PE" and there you have my response to his enthusiasm regarding Crossfit. While there is certainly overlap in our ideas of what constitutes fun, there is considerable divergence as well.) Katie and I will have our first meeting tomorrow via FaceTime to discuss The Memory Keeper's Daughter.

The idea I had was that maybe some of you might be interested in doing something similar. I thought we could somehow pick a book and anybody who was interested could read it by a date we pick and then I could post some questions and we'd discuss them in the comments. But only if there are at least a couple of you who would really want to do it and then would really read the book and actually write things in the comments. I wish I could offer you all wine and snacks as we discuss, but at least you won't have to wash your hair. Or leave your house.

Let me know what you think. If anybody is interested, we'll figure out the details from there.

Velkommen!

You guys, I have a post up on A Practical Wedding! A wedding graduate post, specifically. When I found that website, I read every single wedding grad post in the archives and found them so helpful to both my planning and my sanity. Maybe you could head over there and read it!

Folks coming over from APW, welcome! In case you were curious about the unintentionally pink cake, here it is.

And since I mentioned them at the end and they weren't pictured, here is the Here Comes the Bride sign and cookie buffet.

I've actually been meaning ever since we got our professional photos from Amanda to share some of them with you. Maybe now I'll finally get around to that. Until I do, here's what I think is my very favorite. Though the one on top of the post at APW would be a close second.

And a happy Syttende Mai to all of my Norwegian friends!

Good Stuff Tuesday: It's Actually Wednesday Here Now Edition

I'd been planning to write a Good Stuff Tuesday post today, but when I woke up to the news of the bombs in Boston, I thought I'd skip it. It didn't seem like the right time.

But then I read more about what was happening there. Marathoners going straight from running 26.2 miles to the hospital to donate blood. Bystanders applying pressure to wounds. Locals offering their homes, food, phones, and comfort to strangers stuck in the area. The bad is the work of one person or a very few, but good is the first instinct of the majority of people. So. Good Stuff Tuesday it is.

This is just a beautiful piece of writing, called How To Be In Love about long-term love, as opposed to that initial firework butterfly falling in love stage. Seriously, some of the best writing I've read in a while.

I've pinned a couple of recipes for overnight oats. I like oatmeal for breakfast, but it's going to be a long while before it's cool enough here to want a hot breakfast. And there are a lot of options for flavor combinations. I made a single serving using equal parts blueberry Greek yogurt and old-fashioned oats, plus skim milk. It was ok, but could have really used some fresh blueberries. My more successful attempt was also pretty much my first recipe invention, overnight oats pie:

Mix 1 1/4 c old-fashioned (not quick) oats with 4 tbsp peanut butter (crunchy, as God intended). Mix in 1 c milk, then add 2-3 mashed very ripe bananas. Stir in any extras you want. Dump into a pie pan or 8x8, cover, and refrigerate overnight. Enjoy.

I say 2-3 bananas because I had 3, but part of one was bad, so I really used about 2.5 bananas. The extras I put in mine consisted of Craisins and a lot of cinnamon. You could also use berries, chocolate chips, nuts, raisins, coconut, maple syrup, honey, cocoa, or any number of other stir ins. I've seen lots of recipes that call for protein powder or chia seeds, but probably you'd have to adjust the liquid content for these. (I'm not sure if our chia seeds got packed, so I didn't want to buy more. I do plan to try this with them and can report back later.) I'd also like to try it with apple sauce or pureed pumpkin in place of the bananas.

Recipes I did not invent, but do recommend include this seared steak with eggplant saute, these Asian lettuce wraps, and this foil-baked lemon garlic fish and asparagus. And I've been eating some of a "recipe" I posted about a while back where you take some cooked shrimp and add some lime juice, feta, and mint. Then you eat it. That's the whole recipe. Similarly simple: 3-2-1 Cake. Dump the dry mix from a boxed angel food cake mix in with another mix of your choosing (I picked devil's food so it would be a balanced meal) and shake it up in a Ziploc bag. When you feel like some cake, put 3 tbsp of the powder, 2 tbsp of water into a bowl and stir, then microwave for 1 minute. 3...2...1...Cake!

I've been thinking that I'll post at some point about how I packed for backpacking. For the moment though I'll tell you about the good stuff I bought for the trip, namely the Whatever and Wherever skorts from Athleta. Here's a photo of the Whatever skort with the Cairn tank, which I also bought and like very much.

The Whenever skort looks a bit dressier. The beauty part of both is that while they're (business casual, at least) work appropriate, they're also made of thin wicking material that's perfect for packing and for being active. Or just being really hot. (My take on the weather in Bagan: "It's hot, but it's not crazy stupid hot like Yangon." So yeah, the wicking was useful.) They're cute with flip flops, but assuming I get a job, I'll wear them to work with flats or boots as well. The only downside to these for travel was that the shorts underneath made squat toilets something of a challenge.

Not so with the ad hoc skirt. Not only is it a true skirt, it's also a dress. This seemed ideal for backpacking since it could be so versatile and it really did come through. I wore it with the top folded over as a regular skirt, with the top around my waist as a maxi skirt, and up top as a halter dress. It would make a cute swimsuit cover up too, if you were concerned with cuteness for the beach. I was very sick by the time we got to the beach and went around in a tank top and running shorts. Here I am wearing the ad hoc skirt as a dress for dinner.

Sexy tan lines, Lori.

There it is as a maxi skirt. Fair warning: if you have a butt, this will be quite tight on it when worn as a skirt. Which could be a distinct advantage if you've got a great butt, you lucky duck, you.

On an impluse, when I was at REI to buy a new Nalgene bottle for Raj, I picked up a ChicoBag Vita Reusable bag, which stores inside itself all tiny and then expands to become what I referred to as my Poppins bag. As in, I'm pretty sure a hat rack would fit inside, along with sunscreen, bug spray, Nalgene bottle, snacks, wallet, hat, long-sleeved shirt and/or rain jacket, sunglasses, camera, longhi, maps, brochures, pen and paper, Lonely Planet Burma, sometimes Doris Kearns Goodwin's bricklike Team of Rivals, and on one occasion, two laquerware platters and a vase. Plus a carbeaner to hang my flip flops off the strap when touring Buddhist temples. I plan to use it for groceries, as soon as I get it back from our friends in Korea where I accidentally left it.

I was going to include a photo here, but Typepad is uninterested in uploading it. So you'll just have to click the link if you want to take a look at this packing marvel.

Also good: tomorrow is Wednesday, which for us is New Girl and Mindy Project night. If you're not already watching these, then I don't know what to tell you. Well, except that you should start watching them. (They're on Tuesday night in the States.)

You should also watch the movie Butter. It was an option on one of our plane rides and it is genius. Not at all what I was expecting, given that it's about butter carving and stars Jennifer Garner. It's rated R for a reason (or several) but is really and truly hilarious in a decidedly odd way.

SLEEP. My body has recently decided that it only requires it between 3 and 7am. This is, as you may imagine, not ideal. Last night though, I slept eight hours and am hoping to do the same starting in just a few minutes.

I saved the best for last, Internet. In the next week, I'll have my man back and all of our belongings! Now that's some good stuff.

Sing Out, Internet.

It may seem strange that I am still reading A Practical Wedding now that the wedding is over, but only if you don't know that the blog is about so much more than wedding planning. It has a lot of great posts about marriage, work, family, and life in general. It's also just a very cool community.

Today is a perfect example of why I love it so much. The most recent post is an open thread on the topic of good things in our lives. Our own lives, as individuals, specifically. I, not we. The question is: "What are you proud of? What are you working on right now, personally, professionally, or otherwise that you’re amped about?" With the stipulation that these don't have to be big, life changing things. Just things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself.

The comments have been really fun to read, everything from finishing a PhD to crocheting a hat. People wrote about buying homes, paying off debt, discovering or cultivating talents, starting businesses, years of sobriety, conquering fears, and so many other accomplishments, big and small. And then other people commented to congratulate them on these. It's just a whole lot of happy.

In fact, the theme of APW this month is The Good. We acknowledge that life isn't perfect, but also that there is good, even in the crappiest of times. Also that we should be able to be proud of the good things in our lives, especially when we have worked for and earned them, without feeling like we're being boastful. I think a lot of women have a hard time with this.

It would be easy to feel like I don't have much to be proud of, not having worked full-time in almost a year. But when I really think about it, that turns out to not be the case. I bet if we really think about it, we can all come up with some things. So here are my answers, the things I'm proud of and excited about, personally and professionally:

I'm proud that I've conquered my fears of driving on the left and driving off base. I've found my way to two places that, while not far away, involved venturing off my highway of safety. I definitely feel more confident now in my ability to navigate further and further from base.

I'm proud that I've made friends of my own and didn't let my usual shyness and insecurity keep me from putting myself out there. I'm pushing myself to be social when it would be so easy to hide out in my nice, quiet house.

I'm taking advantage of opportunities available to me. I took a Survivial Japanese Language class on base and have been practicing the phrases we learned so I don't forget them. I plan to sign up for the Japanese Basic class when a new one starts next month and really work at learning Japanese. I'm also signed up for Federal Employment and Ace the Interview workshops on base. I need to get a job and the classes are free, so there's no reason not to go.

I'm finally applying to grad school. I've wavered for years between a masters in reading or library science, so I never made the leap to actually applying to one. Finally, I picked reading and will be submitting my first application this week for an online program. Raj will be gone for a lot of the next year and the more people I talk to, the more I understand that it's entirely possible that I won't be able to get full-time employment here. So now is looking like an ideal time for grad school.

I'm enjoying the strength training I've been doing as part of my workout program and plan to do more. Weight training is kind of intimidating, but I know it's important and I do want to build more strength.

Now it's your turn. What are you proud of? What are you working on right now, personally, professionally, or otherwise that you’re amped about? Big or small.

Body by Pinterest

No, not like that.

Though if you really wanted to make it for me, I would not turn you down.

Pinterst does seem at times to be equal parts really fattening sweets and really intense workout plans. My title was referencing the second.

A while back, my friend Melissa pinned what in my vague recollection was a very time-consuming workout plan that a person certainly couldn't undertake while also holding down a job. I also seemed to recall that there was a really restrictive diet plan that would make it challenging to live with people who were eating normally. As I'm now home alone with a lot of time on my hands, I thought I'd give it another look.

It turns out to be a plan from Prevention that involves roughly 40 minutes six times a week. I was probably teaching plus tutoring at the time, which yes, would have made it challenging, but not impossible. And the crazy diet plan? Well. The plan stipulates that for the best results, you should follow a healthy diet of under 1600 calories. That's it. So pretty much just beyond reasonable.

There are both strength and cardio compoonents. The strength plan on A days is focused on chest, back, and abs and on B days on arms, legs, and butt. The cardio is supposed to be walking, speed intervals alternated with straight up power walking. I'll be running or doing elliptical instead since for one thing, I've joined a running group here and for another, exercise walking gives me monster shin splints.

For motivation, I borrowed another idea I saw on Pinterest.

It's visual and gives me the satisfaction of tearing one off every time I complete a workout. (Or "active rest day".) Also, there seemed to be the added benefit of a Murphy's Law situation where the movers would almost certainly show up in time to think I was trying, at my age, to learn my numbers. But only to 14.

Except I forgot that I live in ridiculous humidity. Number 13 (ooh...spooky) fell down almost immediately and the rest started peeling up soon after. So they're stuck instead to the dining room table where they're not even noticeable and now the movers will clearly not show up for months and months.

By which time I will certainly have broken down and bought a whisk, despite having two on the way, so I can finally make the two ingredient chocolate mousse I found on PInterest.

Pinterest: it giveth weight loss and it taketh it away.

I'll take Potpourri for $1000, Alex.

It's getting pretty chaotic up in here, Internet. We move out of our house on Monday. My clearance still hasn't gone through yet, so we still have no plane tickets to Asia. Or idea of when we might be able to leave. Or actual plans for the in-between time since we don't know how long it will be. Or reservations in Burma since we don't know when we'll get there. Or address between Monday and sometime in mid-March. Wheeeeeeeee!

What I do have is fourteen angry red half-dollar sized bug bites on my right leg. The real injustice here is that I was with Raj for almost the entire day on Monday when I got them and he has none. Last night, I put hydrocortizone on them before going to bed at 10. I got up at 11 to take two Benadryl and put liquid soap on the bites since I'd read that drying them out makes them stop itching. At 12:30, I gave in and just scratched. And scratched. And scratched. Which, of course, made the itching exponentially worse, as I knew it would. So I got up and put on long pajama pants to limit my access. I think I fell asleep around 1. Tonight, I may have to have Raj duct tape oven mitts to my hands. Except the oven mitts are packed and the duct tape has gone missing.

What I also have is a new computer. Internet, meet Joaquin.

He is an 11' Macbook Air. So light and so fast! And he fits in my (admittedly rather large) purse! Paolo is now four and a half and needed replacing, though never in my heart. He will still be making the trip to Asia with us though, since when have I ever had a classroom that couldn't use an extra computer? (Never is the answer.)

What I do not have is my reimbursement for the badge and fingerprinting I had to pay Escambia County Schools $105 for back in July in order to do my job here. After six months, they finally mailed my check. Except they mailed it to the address they had on file from when I previously worked there. Except that I never worked there before and never lived at that address. Whoops. You're welcome/I'm sorry Other Lori Graham for the check you're about to receive, but will hopefully be unable to cash.

On the other hand, I do have an extra three or four pounds. One thing Raj and I accidentally did right before the wedding was to start a running program together. It gave us something to do and talk about in the weeks leading up to the big day that had nothing to do with the wedding. I'd recommend that all couples do something similar. For us, the timing was entirely coincidental. I'd wanted to switch from distance to speed work after the half marathon. It turned out that with a week off after the half, we ended up starting our six week speed program six weeks before the wedding. It's a Stew Smith training plan and is really very intense. The first page says NOT FOR BEGINNERS. While I like to consider myself more of an intermediate runner at this point, I certainly felt underqualified for this program at times. But we showed some rare self-discipline for the first five weeks, never missing a workout until the week of the wedding, when we only managed one (plus our wedding day 5k, but I wasn't exactly running that for time). So I was half marathon training for sixteen weeks, then working out very hard five times a week for five weeks prior to the wedding. Since then, ehhhh, maybe I'll run a couple of miles a couple of times a week. With the result that when I put on my wedding dress to wear it for our family reception in Texas last weekend, we had to safety pin the opening in the front so as not to be completely indecent. And I couldn't really take any deep breaths for fear of busting out of it like the Hulk. Did that stop me from ordering yet another bowl of queso the day after? It did not. But the time has come to get back on the healthy living wagon.

Except that with our house in chaos, we chose to eat out last night. It seemed like trying the local delicacy was the thing to do before leaving the area. Unfortunately, the local delicacy on our tiny peninsula is fried mullet. You guys. It's awful. But at least it came with hushpuppies and new potatoes served in a bowl of melted butter.

Finally, here's something cool for you to take a look at. Our photographer wrote a post on her blog about the magic-except-it's-actually-work-instead behind how she made that one picture of us look so very cool. I love learning about how people who are really good at something go about doing that thing. If you do too, then you should check out the post.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

Random.org has spoken and our winner is Jesabes! Thanks to everyone who played. Hopefully we'll have more giveaways for you in the future. And when your prize comes from someone who isn't me, it may even arrive in a timely manner.

Hmmm...when I wrote that title, I figured I'd just add a chicken-based recipe or two so this would appear to be a real post-length post. Except apparently I don't have any new chicken recipes that I haven't already told you about. So how about...

Pork chop dinner? Slow cooker pork chops in dijon paprika sauce. Super-easy and delicious. I served it with Jamie Oliver's French dressed green beans on the basis that they also have dijon mustard and that's about as far as my food pairing skills extend.

Pot roast dinner? This Yankee-est pot roast also couldn't really be easier, especially for how good it tastes. I picked this recipe because I was looking to use up tomato juice left over from...

Soup and sandwiches lunch. I always used to think that La Madeleine's tomato soup must be pretty bad for me to be that delicious. And I was correct. This knock off recipe really does taste exactly like it. Naturally, it includes a whole stick of butter. I did replace the cream with 2% milk. Then I made grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread with what some (crazy) people might consider an excessive amount of sharp cheddar cheese. One of the least healthy meals I've ever made and quite obviously one of the most delicious.

Speaking of unhealthy, how about some chocolate dipped pretzel peanutbutter goodness? I made these peanut butter buckeye pretzel bites to take to a Christmas party last Friday. The ones I didn't take to the party were gone by 10am the next day. I did have to add quite a bit of powdered sugar to get the dough unsticky enough to work with.

Further speaking of unhealthy, I just cannot get over the number of recipes I see on Pinterest that start with two cans of cream soup, plus cream cheese, sour cream, and/or butter. Typically with some chicken, pasta or rice, and no vegetables. Don't eat that! Ok sure, there is a time for comfort food (see above re: grilled cheese and tomato soup) but as your regular dinner? I know that maybe I lack credibility since I don't have kids to contend with while cooking and I realize that some of the meals I make now that involve a lot of chopping or are otherwise really time-consuming likely won't happen with little kids around. And yes, I cook with cheese more often than not. But don't we all want our food to have some redeeming nutritional value? (You know, aside from those days when the Taco Bell craving hits critical mass and can no longer be suppressed.) If there's one thing I've learned from my adventures in cooking, it's that with a little bit of effort and as many fresh ingredients as possible, food can be both delicious and good for you. End sermon.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages (Plus a GIVEAWAY! For You!)

One project I really wanted to do for the wedding was a photo slideshow to show at the rehearsal dinner. I always love seeing the pictures of the bride and groom as babies and little kids. And making slideshows in iDVD is super easy. I make one for Raj twice a year, on our anniversary and Valentines Day. No problem.

This project turned into a bit of a monster. What I hadn't taken into account was all of the scanning of photos from before we were using digital cameras. Just sorting through my pictures was an undertaking. A couple of moves ago, I decided to get rid of my many bulky and mismatched photo albums. I put all of my picures into plastic photo storage boxes. Which did make moving and storing them much easier. But also made looking through them a giant pain in the butt. In part, this had to do with the sheer number, many of which I don't even care about. I decided that at some point, I should definitely sort through them, throw a lot of them away, and put what was left into organized albums.

You know, sometime. In the future.

Raj's photos already are organized in albums, but the digital photos presented a bit of a challenge for both of us. A lot of his are on an external drive. Some of mine are on a flash drive. Many were lost when my computer were stolen, so the few I have from the era between backing up on a flash drive and getting Paolo is sparsely covered by photos nabbed from the blog and from Facebook, once I'd started using it. The ones of Raj and me were easy since they're all here in my iPhoto, not backed up on anything because I NEVER LEARN.

I also got some pictures printed so I can update our scrapbooks since we plan to put those out at the wedding for people to look through. These are the only pictures I print anymore and that's usually only a couple per trip or event. I usually end up printing a few more than I need, which get stuck into one of my photo boxes.

So I am wondering, Internet, if any of you have any photo solutions. What do you do with your pictures, new and old? Do you print them anymore? Organize them on your computer or online? Put the ones where you look particularly thin up on Facebook?

Because I am not above bribing you to respond to me, but also mostly because the nice folks at Printcopia offered us the opportunity, I will give a free 8x10 canvas photo print to one person who leaves a comment between now and oh, let's say 6:00pm Central on Tuesday, December 11. Just leave a comment telling me what you do with photos, or whether you take them at all, to be entered for a chance to win. I'll put the comment numbers into a randomizer and the winner gets a free canvas. Make sure you use a valid email address for your comment so I can contact you about your print.

The rest of you might consider purchasing canvas prints for your loved ones as holiday gifts. Or maybe you need some car magnets, vinyl banners, or lawn signs? I don't know what you people do with your free time.

Disclosure: In addition to the free print for one of you, I received a free (awesome) print in exchange for mentioning Printcopia. Mine is of the waterfall where we got engaged!

Hire one or both of us! You know, depending on your needs.

Hey Internet! I wrote something! I mean something not intended for immediate publishing on this website. Or something intended to torture teenage boys with comprehension questions regarding Catcher in the Rye. I've written a lot of those recently. If you happen to know anyone who would be interested in publishing a book of comprehension questions regarding Catcher in the Rye, I will shortly have such a document.

Where was I? Right. Jennifer, who you may know from Mississippi Raw Footage, which I keep in my blogroll in hopes that she will return to blogging and not at all because I never update that thing, emailed me about writing something for her. Because over there above my blogroll is a link titled Hire Me that goes to a writing business website that I also never update.

Jennifer, you see, is an extremely talented musician. You don't have to take my word for it - in just a minute I'm going to give you a link to her website so you can find out for yourself. She went the Get A Real Job route for quite a while and has recently gotten serious about making a career of music. Her husband, who is an extremely smart man, gave her the Valentine gift of her own music website. Because it is extremely difficult to write nice things about yourself without feeling like a jackass and a phony, Jennifer asked me to write those nice things for her.

The website is Jennifer Ramsey Music. You can read about how Jennifer sings and plays guitar and piano AND ukulele (a word I've learned I'm completely incapable of typing correctly on the first try, no matter how many times I do it). And check out her song list - she plays ALL THE SONGS. All of them. Including, might I add, a reggae version of Take On Me that I personally am dying to hear. Because, oh yeah, she also does her own arranging.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL. If you live in the Chicago area, you can hire Jennifer to sing at your party or event. Or you can go see her perform solo or as part of the Art Vandelay Band by checking the website for dates.

I had a lot of fun working with Jennifer on her website. Obviously, writing is something I love to do and Jennifer was a dream to work with. I'm always looking for ways to use my writing ability to help people and make some extra money, so if you or someone you know need something written (resume, cover letter, online dating profile, website copy, marketing materials, etc.) send me an email. Right after you check out Jennifer's website, of course.

How Bizarre

I received an email via the Email Me link over there from a man I do not know. This happens from time to time. Sometimes they're of the ur pretty were do u live? variety. I do not respond to these. Occasionally, something I've written has struck a chord with someone and they write to me. These are wonderful to get, surpassed only by the ones asking me to write something for someone for money. I reply to both types enthusiastically.

This most recent email was a whole different sort. This man had taken the time out of his day to email me to explain why he would not be reading my blog. Let me interrupt myself here to say that there is no need to do this. Unless you're my mother, I don't assume that you read my blog. There is no need to actively opt out.

Back to my new non-reader though. The reason he will not be reading my blog is that my bio says I like big government. Based on that alone, he decided there was no point in reading my blog. Fair enough.

But wait! There's more! I may or may not have lost out on a valuable opportunity by losing this man's readership! His daughter is a fashion journalist living in London and my blog may have been worth passing on to her. Unfortunately, "we'll never know". I suppose I'll just have to live with the uncertainty.

Don't get me wrong, I'd have been happy to have her as a reader. But as I write about neither London nor fashion, I'm not sure apprising me of the loss of her potential readership required a whole email. Of course, her father had no way of knowing whether this blog might exist solely for the purpose of breaking me into the London fashion journalism world. He couldn't know, what with my bio having so thoroughly prevented him from being able to read any further.

I discovered that he found his way here through a website listing press about Boston Store that includes a link to an old post of mine. So maybe I do appear to be some sort of aspiring fashion journalist based on that, when all I really did is link to a pair of boots I bought there when I lived in Madison.

Yes, I'm the one who gave the internet at large the means to email me and I'm not complaining. I just don't understand. If I look at someone's blog and find that I'm uninterested in reading it for whatever reason, I just stop reading it.

Maybe the emailer meant to suggest that I change my bio to something less off-putting. I like to think though that we can disagree on the size and scope of government and still give one another the time of day. Raj is practically a libertarian and we get along alright. Also, I spent a good while working out the cadence of that sentence over there and I'll be damned if I'll put an hour into rewriting it.

Which is probably just the sort of liberal entitlement thinking my non-reader would abhor. Good thing he'll never see it.

With breath that is bated

See, I like to imagine that you all wait with breathless anticipation for my annual State of the Union post. And this is not it. It's been a crazy week or two of school. Grades and progress reports and subpoenas! Oh my! (The phrase "progress reports" sounds so innocous unless you're in the special ed business, in which case it brings on sudden specific urges for a bottle of whiskey and a career change.) The end of the semester is also not the ideal time to be served with a subpoena for a truly obscene amount of paperwork on a student. Paperwork from last year. My body has responded to all of this by deciding that it no longer needs sleep. At least this is what it believes at night. By the time my alarm goes off at 6:30, my body is very much interested in sleep. It would like four more hours, please. Instead I get up and go to work and then get frustrated with the children for not being able to read.

I'm tired is what I'm saying. And I want to do a good job on the post and that's not going to happen tonight. Tomorrow, friends. (Where by "tomorrow", it turns out I actually mean "sometime this weekend when I'm fully lucid".) In the meantime, please enjoy this video of a blind kitten fighting a hair dryer.

 

Pinteresting. Very Pinteresting.

So. Turns out I've got bronchitis. The doctor seemed puzzled by it and asked if anybody was sick at home or anything. I said, "No, but I work with kids." and he was all, "Oh. No wonder." I'm now three days into a five-day z-pack with no noticeable improvement and find myself thinking things like Remember back when I didn't used to cough all the time? That was nice.

I'm also still pretty spacy. In order to make some use of my staring straight ahead time, I've been doing a lot of looking at what everybody's pinning on Pinterest. For those who aren't familiar, Pinterest is a site where you can make virtual pinboards. Basically like public bookmark folders. You can follow people and see what they're pinning, which I do with a few friends.

Since that doesn't eat up nearly enough time, I've been looking at the Everything page, where you see what the most recent pins were from everybody using the site. You can very easily repin anything you see, so a lot of them are repeated. Over and over. I've noticed some very definite trends. 

Apparently we are all (at least meant to be) very much into:

Grey and yellow - for weddings! And rooms! And outfits!

Chalkboard paint, chalkboard contact paper, DIY chalkboard paint in any color, chalkboard painted doors, drawers and wedding favors

White ink tattoos

Family/engagement/wedding photos from odd angles, most of which cut everyone's heads off

S'mores-flavored everything

Everything that isn't Nutella-flavored, that is

Cake pops - I don't understand this. Who wants one bite of cake?

Cake in a jar - WHY?

Mason jars - mason jar vases, mason jar candles, mason jar lights, mason jar organizers, mason jars dyed, mason jars painted, mason jars full of cake

Father's Day gifts, most of which, such as a golf-themed wreath, most fathers would have zero interest in receiving

Classroom ideas - makes sense. We've got time on our hands these days.

Tricked out laundry rooms

Variations on the Keep Calm and Carry On poster - I'll admit to getting a kick out of Keep Calm and Pretend It's on the Lesson Plan

Inspirational quotes of all kinds. Most recently, I saw a WHY I RUN thing with all kinds of happy words around it. You know why I run? Because I'm not willing to radically alter my diet, so my choices are 1) Run. 2) Get fat. Probably wouldn't make a good inspirational poster.

Complex hair braids

Making stuff out of pallets

Making stuff out of toilet paper tubes

Making stuff out of paint chips

Making stuff out of book pages - I like the idea until it occurs to me that I'd have to pull the pages out of books!

So yeah, it can get repetitive. But there are a lot of good ideas there. That's where I found the recipe for those Oreo treats I told you about. Also, I followed the directions for a non-braided hairstyle that turned out ok, as far as I know. (It was an updo and the only means I had of checking it was trying to hold up my full-length mirror to look in the bathroom mirror.) And I found the recipe for some lasagna soup that I decided to make because we've got chicken stock to use up. True story: I added extra tomato sauce while it was cooking because it didn't look soupy at all. This was of course because, I realized later, I forgot to put in the chicken stock. You know, the entire reason for making soup in the first place. Seriously.

Also, I saw a sign that I kind of want for my classroom. It says: "If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic." Two out of two dyslexic people I showed it to thought it was funny, so I think I'm in the clear.

Just today, a couple of friends pinned a photo where someone had hung some nice wooden silverware organizers on the wall and used them to hang jewelry. We use Raj's nice wooden silverware organizer for his nice silverware, but my hand-me-down silverware was sitting in my plastic silverware organizer in storage. So I put the silverware in a Ziploc, cleaned out the tray and stuck it in the top drawer of my nightstand. Now my necklaces don't have to hang from the lamp switch anymore!

Though I do continue to keep my most often worn stuff in these.

I intend to try out a no-bake s'mores treat recipe I found there, probably tomorrow. If they're as good as I assume they'll be, I'll let you know.

And if you're on Pinterest, you should follow me. Then I'll follow you back and have more stuff to look at! If you're not on Pinterest but would like to be, I have six invites left. Come on. You know you want to learn how to make a chalkboard-painted mason jar full of Nutella cake.

GORGEOUS

Raj and I have been looking on Craig's List for a new dinette set. My industrial-style table, while fun, really only works for two people sitting at right angles. It's too narrow to easily accommodate people sitting across from one another. And since we might want to invite one or more people to eat with us, a bigger table seems like a good idea.

I've mentioned before how there seem to be code words on Craig's List. Vintage = old. Comfortable = has been in my parents' basement since 1979. Worn = broken, stained, and/or torn up by one or more animals.

While looking at tables, Raj noticed the word "gorgeous" associated with more than one crime against home furnishing. So he searched for postings including that word under furniture. Which is how we've just managed to furnish our castle.

No, I am not using "castle" in the "a man's home is his castle" sense. I mean the literal castle we will need to purchase in order to properly house these gorgeous items.

And finally, our pigmy knight. I will call him Sir Smidgy.

Isn't Sir Smidgy the gorgeousiest pigmy knight you've ever seen? He'll be there to welcome you when you come to visit us at our castle. You can dine at our gorgeous table! We'll just need to find some appropriately gorgeous guest room furnishings before you can stay the night.

Watch This

Fred Rogers reduces a room full of soap stars to tears in under a minute by gently ordering them to think about the people who helped them along the way. 

Now there's a man using his powers for good.

Why don't you take ten seconds now? Go ahead. I'll watch the time.

Good Stuff Tuesday: Random Sauce Edition

1. Kyra ran her first half-marathon this weekend! Yay, Kyra!

2. Holly ran her first (and she says, only) FULL MARATHON this weekend! Holy crap, Holly! And also, YAAAAYYYYYYY!!! Shibuya!

3. Back at my first post-college job, a bunch of us each set a weekly fitness goal (I believe mine at the time had to do with doing Tae Bo three times a week or something) write them on a chart and then meet up every Friday to report on our goals. Those of us who made our goals got to put big shiny happy face stickers on the chart. Those of us who did not had to draw a big X in the box for that week. It was simple and entirely honor system based, but it worked for us. Then someone moved into the empty office we'd been using for our meetings and threw away our chart. Boo. But in talking to another teacher, it came up about how it's difficult to motivate ourselves to work out. So I sent an email out to all of the staff about the idea of doing something like that at school and so far ten people (aside from me) have signed up. And there are maybe forty of us on staff, so it's a pretty good percentage. Hopefully the desire to avoid public shaming will help us all stay motivated. Plus, I look like a go-getter, starting my own group and all. Ha, ha! I've fooled them all!

4. Mod Cloth Indie Clothing - fun clothes and accessories by indie designers. Definitely read the reviews. Thankfully, I did before ordering a dress and heeded the reviewers' advice to order a size up. Those reviewers were correct and the dress fit. (For those of you wondering, it was this one.)

5. Jennifer Knapp's comeback album, Letting Go. And Jennifer Knapp herself, for having the courage to come back to Christian music after coming out. Obviously not an easy thing to do.

6. The Eddie Izzard Death Star Canteen Lego video on YouTube. Not safe for work or around children or anybody who is offended by f-bombs. The rest of you will have a good laugh.

7. To Catch a Thief, Starring Grace Kelly and the one and only Mr. Cary Grant. Also the source of the only unidentified quote from the previous post. Probably you should watch it.

Janie, make a note. We need to schedule more events where somebody gives me a really big fish.*

This is an idea that I got from Kerri, who apparently got it from Sarah and Veloci. It's a game, having to do with movie quotes!

Here's how it goes:

I list quotes from some movies I really like, though I'll leave out the obvious quotables. The Princess Bride, for instance.

You leave a comment if you know the movie that a quote comes from. You only answer one even if you know more than one because you are polite and not a know-it-all answerhog. Unless a couple of days have gone by and nobody's gotten one and you know it but you already answered something else. Then by all means, answer away,

You will not be a cheaterpants Google checker.

I will, as I am able, post correct answers with the quotes so you'll know they've already been answered.

Ready? OK!

1. *Quote from the title. Lisa knows that the man wanting more fish gifts is President Andrew Shepherd in Aaron Sorkin's brilliantly quotable The American President.

2. "You know as well as I do, this necklace is imitation." "Well, I'm not." Bonus Quotes: "Sorry I ever sent her to finishing school. I think they finished her there." and "Why did I take up stealing? To live better, to own things I couldn't afford, to acquire this good taste that you now enjoy and that I should be very reluctant to give up." "Then you are frankly dishonest?" "I try to be."

3. "There's a war on. How is it that you're headed west?" "Well, we just face north and then, real subtle-like, turn left." Last of the Mohicans, as my brother Dan observes, is chock full of excellent quotes.

4. "I'm gonna make her smile. I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SMILE." Bonus Quotes: "Milking a dried udder gets you nothing but kicked off the milking stool." "Mother, spare me your farmyard memories. You have none and I don't understand them." and "What are you getting at? I'm proportionate!" Raj knows that both the first and last quotes here were said by Little John in the newest version of Robin Hood. (Sort of puts that "I'm proportionate!" thing into context, right? It was in response to Friar Tuck asking him why he's called Little John.) Gents, note that drunkenly shouting I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SMILE at a girl in a bar, per this movie, will actually make that girl smile.

5. "Well, whatever it costs, it won't be as much as that exquisitely uncomfortable mohair episode...which is now all over my suit." Well done, Julie! First to ring in with a correct answer, identifying Joe Fox (F-O-X) in You've Got Mail.

6. "Did I ever tell you about the time I shoplifted a frozen turkey out of a Piggly Wiggly wearing only a tube top and Daisy Dukes?" I thought I'd have to at least put in more quotes for this one if not give the answer away because maybe I was the only person who loves the movie Saved! Not so, as Alisa demonstrated by identifying Saved! as the source of this quote. And Kim knew it too, somewhere in the back of her mind, but was a good rule-follower (my kind of girl!) and didn't answer after Googling.

7. "That guy you're talking about, he can't sing at all." "Then why's he got such a big band?" "To drown him out." Bonus Quotes: "I once dated a girl with a club foot. She had the big shoe and everything." and "Look at that, we're both wearing green. Matchy, matchy green squared!" Lisa got this one before I had to resort to putting in my favorite quote from Return to Me, "I'm getting a new heart, not a new ass." If you haven't seen it, you can't fully appreciate the greatness of the line since there's no way to put a big old Chicago accent on it in print. So do yourself a favor and watch the movie.

8. "You're so drunk you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double." "I have two guns, one for each of you." If you thought you recognized this, but couldn't come up with Tombstone, Michael is your huckleberry. He's no daisy. He's no daisy at all.

9. "I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French." Yay, Denise! She knows this comes from Ocean's Eleven, or as I think of it The One With George Clooney AND Matt Damon AND Brad Pitt.

10. "Run along to Ito and tell him to bring me a light breakfast. Black coffee and a side car." Sharon cements her status as one of my all-time favorite people by getting Auntie Mame right out of the gate! "Hurry my tray, darling. Your auntie needs fuel."

Good Stuff Tuesday: I'm Forgetful Edition

Some of you may have noticed a badge over there under the Neato heading that says The Versatile Blogger. It was awarded to me by Kyra of A Foodie Gets Fit. I meant to explain about it and add her to my blogroll that same week. Then I forgot. Now I need to try to remember where Typepad put those Typelists again so I can get to my blogroll to edit it. (Typepad: why so cleverly hidden?)

Anyway, thanks Kyra! "Versatile" sounds so much nicer than "Random" or "Lacking Rhyme and/or Reason"!

Another very good thing is people doing their very first half marathon. Like my good friend Karin, doing her first half marathon this weekend in Richmond. Good luck, Karin! Or oh, say, blog reader Jenny doing her first half marathon in December in Las Vegas. Jenny is training with Team Challenge to raise money for CCFA, the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America. I told her that I'd post a link so we could all help her with her fundraising. Except she's already passed her donation goal without us after I forgot to post a link. That's a very good thing! But you can still make it even better by donating here.

To sum up, stuff other people are doing: good. Forgetting to tell you about it: bad. Typepad: screwing with me.

Hey! I'm in a book!

A while back, Nick Douglas announced on Twitter that he was compiling a Twitter book and asked for permission to use tweets in it. I was not at all certain that he'd want any of mine, but I gave him the go-ahead anyway and it appears that one or more is in the book. I have no idea which or how many.

Here's the book:

The thing is, The Twitter is not just good for a laugh. Sometimes The Twitter is good for doing real, tangible good. A fellow Twitterer, Josh Hopkins, has a baby girl, Lucy Kate, with serious medical problems. She has recently had heart surgery, which has taken a financial toll on the family, as well as the obvious huge emotional toll.

Various Twitter folks have put together and spread the word about efforts to help the family. This includes Rod Knowlton, who set up this Amazon store where you can buy the Twitter Wit book and a portion of the proceeds go to Team Lucy Kate. So if you're interested in the book, you may as well buy it there and help out some nice people and one adorable baby girl.

(Just in case it got lost among all of those links, this is the link to the store where you can buy the book and a portion of the proceeds will benefit Team Lucy Kate.)

Why yes, I did use Lucy Ricardo as a verb.

People on The Twitter do these things called "Tweet Ups" - you know, Twitter meet ups. I've never been to one, largely because I don't follow many local people and didn't even know that they had them here. But then I met Lynn and she told me that they do, and then she invited me to one on Friday for lunch. Sushi!

I told her that I'd certainly try very hard to talk myself into going. She mentioned that there were a lot of journalism types, and since it's the journalism types who get to decide who gets paid for writing, they seem like people I should make some effort to meet.

Naturally, I was running late. It was at noon and I'd slept in after staying up until almost 4am writing first draft movie lines for you people. I did take the time to cover the dark circles under my eyes, although I briefly first considered just trying to convince everyone there that I was part raccoon.

Then I went to get dressed. I realized that, not only were most of my clothes either dirty or in some stage of being cleaned, but that every single non-push-up bra I own was in the dryer.

So my choices were to wait for the dryer and be even later, show up to meet a bunch of new people at a workday lunch with giant padded knockers, or pull a bra out of the dryer and shoot it with the hairdryer. I went with option C.

The day may come that I don't have to Lucy Ricardo my way through, but Friday wasn't it.

I texted Lynn to tell her that I was on my way and ask her to save me a seat. It was at the very end of the table, so I really only talked to about four new people, but that was good. One of them was a founder of the new website Savor SA and a serious foodie. When I asked him whether there was an Ethiopian restaurant in town, the depth of sadness and frustration in his "No." told me that this was a man I could trust to tell me where to eat.

So maybe I didn't make any important networking connections or BFFs, but I did find out where to get the best Greek food in town. And if anybody noticed that my bra was damp, they didn't say a word.

I have a guest post up today at Hobo Trashcan. You can read it and behold my giant orange head here.

I prefer to think of it as a knack for recognizing good ideas when I see them

You know, rather than having no good ideas of my own and thus being forced to steal from other people. Yesterday, a meme started by Adam Lisagor on Twitter seemed to spread faster and farther than any I've seen. Also, it was funny instead of annoying as they so often are. I even participated, which is pretty rare for me.

Anyway, the topic was First Draft Movie Lines. My favorite of his was, "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse, by which I mean a horsehead."

My favorite overall was written by Remiel: "I love the smell of buttered toast and freshly-mowed grass in the morning. I miss my family and want to go home."

Here are the two that I posted:

You know how to whistle, don't you Steve? What kind of imbecile doesn't know how to whistle?

Let my people unionize!

I've since thought of several more, which I will share with you. Then you will share yours (whether tweeted or not) in the comments. Ok, guys?

Ferris Bueller, are you present in class?

You want me on that wall! You need me on that wall! You are afraid of heights!

Love means never having to say, "I'm sorry I gave you herpes."

I feel the need, the need to fly very fast.

Where troubles melt like, I dunno, probably ice cubes or something frozen like that

Luke, I am your deadbeat dad.

All work and no play makes Jack a socially unpopular yet academically successful boy.

Frankly my dear, I'm just not that into you.

I ate his liver with Hot Cheetos and a Mountain Dew.

Two men enter! Two men leave, except one man is alive and one man is dead!

Bibbity bobbity bow chicka wow wow

Oh look, I wrote something about myself for once.

It occurred to me that I hadn't updated my 100 Things in who knows how long and I wasn't even sure what was there anymore. Rather than update, edit, or rewrite, I just deleted the whole thing and wrote a little something shorter. If you've been around here for any time at all, I'm sure nothing in my new streamlined biography will be news to you. (Where by "streamlined" I mean "still very wordy and excessively long, but shorter than the 100 Things" which is probably also no shocker.)

It's possible that I'll keep going back and changing things for a while since I'm never really satisfied with anything I write and also banged this out while procrastinating cleaning the bathtub. It's equally possible that a few years from now I'll realize that I never looked at it again and we'll be back to this very same place. Who knows?

I'm off to clean the tub. Happy Friday & etc.

Seven things (most of) you didn't know about me

A bunch of people on Twitter a while back were tagging each other with this "seven things you didn't know about me" meme. Although I was never personally tagged, I decided today to write just that for you, seeing as how I can't think of anything else to post. Please bear in mind that nowhere was it stipulated that these needed to be seven interesting things you didn't know about me. Just seven things so, you know, manage your own expectations.

1. Whenever I get one of those flyers with all of the different kinds of checks you can order, I always have to choose which of those checks I'd order before I can throw it away. I don't ever order them. I get the cheap ones from my bank. I don't know why I always force myself to choose. Probably some sort of aversion therapy for my indecisiveness. Usually I wind up going with the paisley ones or something with coffee mugs on it, if you must know.

2. If I had to choose a different name for myself, it would be Kate.

3. I don't like Pad Thai or tater tots. I find that those are pretty universally-liked, so I really might be the only person in the world who has tried both and likes neither.

4. I seem to have latent voyeuristic tendencies. I say this due to my fascination with the show My House Is Worth What? on HGTV. I'm not sure how else to explain it except that I guess I like to look through other people's houses from a safe distance.

5. If I could go anywhere in the world, it would be Greece.

6. If I could go back to anywhere I've already been, it would be Florence.

7. I've had more than one dream recently in which I am with a group of people trying to figure out who is going to run Denmark. It appears to be present day in the dreams, but the reason we have to find someone to run Denmark is because Hamlet is dead. I'm sure there's some psychological significance to these dreams, but I don't have the first clue what it might be and I'm not sure I care to find out.

And now you can leave us seven things in the comments or even write seven things on your own blog, especially if you can't think of anything else to post. Easy as pie. (You could even start with your favorite kind of pie!) (Mine is blackberry.) (Or lemon meringue.) (I mentioned the thing about indecisiveness, right?)

If you don't have anything nice to say...

...write a post linking to a bunch of other stuff. (I'm pretty sure this goes for when you don't have anything interesting and/or funny to say as well. At least I hope so because that is also the case.)

First, we have my new favorite commercial. It's a Nike spot, featuring LaDanian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu.

Very cool, right?

Next I'd like to direct your attention to my new internet obsession, FiveThirtyEight.com: Electoral Predictions Done Right. (538 being the total number of votes in the Electoral College.) It's a site that pulls together polling data, giving greater weight to pollsters with better historical accuracy. While fascinating, I can admit that a large part of the draw for me is the win percentage (likelihood of the candidate winning the election) which currently has Obama at 94.9%, which yes, fills me with glee. I understand that some of you may want to avoid it due to lack of Obama-related glee.

Also fascinating, from a historical perspective, is 270toWin.com, (270 being the number needed to win a majority of electoral votes) which shows electoral maps going back all the way to 1789. You can see which states went for George Washington and every candidate since.

Keeping in the political vein, I recently read on the website of one of my favorite authors, Don Miller, this explanation of why he, as a Christian, is voting for Obama. He addresses the Big Two issues that tend to drive the votes of values voters, abortion and gay marriage. (Scroll down past the event information.) I'm not saying I agree with absolutely everything he says, but he definitely brings a viewpoint I haven't heard articulated.

And finally, I WIN AT TWITTER (with an assist). In the best news I've had all week news, I topped the Favrd Leaderboard yesterday! I didn't even used to ever look at the Leaderboard because I knew I'd never be on it. Recently I've been making the front page from time to time, which was pretty exciting for me. Yesterday, Columbus Day, I posted this tweet, which I honestly didn't even think was all that funny:

This is embarrassing. All day I've been wearing my trench coat and repeatedly checking my pockets in observance of Columbo Day.

My Twitter friend TJ (if I may be so bold as to proclaim us Twitter friends) sent me a direct message saying how funny he thought it was. I got 30-some favorites on it and was third on the Leaderboard, which I thought was pretty good, particularly for a tweet I hadn't even spent much time on. (Yes, sometimes I spend a lot of time on them. A lot. A really inordinate amount of time.) Then TJ tweeted this:

There are 2 kinds of people in the world: those who realize that this is the funniest thing said all day [link to my tweet]...and terrorists.

People clearly don't want to be labeled terrorists, because another 30-some marked my tweet as a favorite, which is how I ended up with 65 favorites on it. Those favorites included some really funny people. It's always exciting when people think you're funny, but doubly so when really funny people think you're funny. Who knows, maybe one day people will even pay me to write funny things. That's kind of the dream and one I haven't done nearly enough to pursue. Maybe it's time to get on that. I won't even have to quit my day job.

You take the good, you take the bad...

Like that song I've just implanted in your head (and mine - GAH), which is certainly The Bad.  As is a lot of the stuff I've been posting about recently.  In an effort to combat my Debbie Downer-ness, here are some good things:

Katie sent me these flowers yesterday.  Well, not these particular flowers since this photo comes from the 1-800-Flowers website.  Mine are actually much prettier since they're almost entirely bright yellow and deep purple. 

A couple of years ago, I sent Katie some flowers when she got some bad news, prompting her to call me, on her blog, "The best boyfriend I never had."  Back at you, Katie.

Also among the good: this photo of my now-six-month-old niece, who can sit up on her own, thankyouverymuch, which I have titled Cutest Photo Ever:

Another good thing?  Really well-written and intriguing fiction.  Tony Delgrosso (Tony_D to you Twitterers) is making his novel Mr. Abernathy available for download for free (FREE!) one chapter at a time.  As of today, Chapters One and Two are online.  I highly recommend that you get over there and start reading.  Trust me, you'll be hooked.

And finally, we have the weather, which is approaching Pleasant.  Which works out well since I need to step away from the cover letters and go out among the people to do some errands.  And tomorrow, I'll be outside helping to stain the fence at my sister and brother-in-law's house.  Provided I am able to tear myself away from the chubby baby cheeks long enough to pick up a brush.  If you'll take another look at that photo, I think you'll find that the likelihood of that comes in somewhere around Not Very.

A different kind of birthday post

I had a dream that I was back in college. As I walked through some building there, I glanced at a bulletin board that had something to do with being careful to protect your privacy. Then I went back for a closer look because I thought I'd seen a photo of myself on the board. Yep, there it was. It had clearly been taken through a crack where the curtains weren't quite entirely closed. Apparently, I was their cautionary tale about what happens if you don't protect your privacy. In the photo, I was in the process of getting dressed after a shower. I was at the beginning of the process, which is to say that I was naked. And this photo of me was posted on a bulletin board in a hallway for everyone I knew and everyone I'd have classes with and run into and walk past everyday to see.

(It should be noted that my subconscious was kind enough to give me a better than reality body in said photo.)

This dream happened in the few days after posting about the depression and in the moments after I woke up, one of my first thoughts was that maybe I was feeling a tad overexposed. I had let you all see through my proverbial curtains and there I was, naked without my sarcasm.

Except, difficult as it was to publish that post, I don't regret it in the least. The comments and emails I've gotten have been wonderful. That there are so many of you out there who have struggled or continue to struggle with depression is sad and awful. But for someone relatively new to this, it is also comforting to know that you're making it through it.

There are a lot of mean-spirited people out there on the internet who are bent on hurting people, but for whatever reason, none of them have found their way here. I've been writing Superfantastic for three years now and the little collection of people who have showed up here have been such a valuable addition to my life. It's always scary to put writing out there because people might not like it, but on those occasions when I am instead putting myself out there, it is nothing short of terrifying. Yet you never fail to come through with your kind words and support and total lack of internet awfulness.

So on this, Superfantastic's third birthday, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for being a part of my life.

Quirky is such a nice way of putting it

I've been tagged by Danielle over at Door of Second Chances for a meme wherein I'm required to tell you about six quirks that I have. Oh, just six? Let's see...

1. When I have to figure out whether I need to take a road east or west, I usually have to picture the entire United States in order to do it. Pathetic, I know.

2. I don't know if this is something I've always done, but I've noticed in the past few months that I tend to tuck the inside of my bottom lip between my top and bottom canine teeth on the right side. That, along with the stress-induced chewing on the inside of my mouth and a tendency to play with my bottom lip when deep in thought lead me to believe that, had I ever started, I would have been a very prolific smoker.

3. If I'm going to write very much in a birthday or other card, I will write it on my computer first. I want to get the wording of the whole thing right before I start writing willy nilly directly in the card in ink which is final and cannot be edited. I mentioned this to a writer friend of mine who said of course he does the same thing. Because what if you use a word in one sentence except you need it more in the next one but now you can't use it because you already wasted it? WHAT THEN?

4. I don't like to sit with my feet on the floor. I am typically curled up to some extent, whenever possible. This has included various office cubicle desk chairs, which is, you know, probably not technically considered very professional.

5. I had friends in high school who, if they asked you where something was, would phrase it, "If I were the _____, where would I be?" I still think the beginning part of this every time I look for something. Which means that I spend a fair amount of time thinking "If I were my phone..."

6. I don't like feet. I wouldn't even wear open-toed shoes until probably late high school. I'm impressed that some of you can just go and put your feet in the lap of a person who cares about you in order to get a foot rub. I could never do that, nor respond favorably to anyone doing such a thing to me. Keep your feet to yourself and I will do the same and we will get along just fine.

So there you have the first six of my quirks that popped into my head. The rules state that I must now tag six bloggers, but I have decided as I am wont to do, to ignore the rules and just tag all of you instead. Either leave your quirks in the comments or post on your own blog and leave the link in the comments. I'm looking forward to finding out just how odd you people are.

Pay no attention to the woman behind the internet persona curtain

It is possible that I misled the internet just a little bit yesterday with this tweet:

So what if I wore a tight tank top to the auto parts store? The point is, a helpful young employee kindly installed the blinker bulb for me.

Here come the really shocking parts: it was intentional and it was not the first time.

Let me explain. As I was driving to my sister and brother-in-law's house on Sunday, my right turn signal started doing that double-fast blinky thing indicating that a bulb was burned out. I will check and see which one it is when I get to their house, I told myself, then I will ask whether there is an auto parts store nearby. I had to signal a right turn mere yards from my sister's house, meaning that naturally I forgot all about it by the time I parked.

So I was going to go to the auto parts store by my house on Monday. But then Melissa asked me if I wanted to come to her apartment for pizza her treat. And I was hungry and my internet was out, so I made my way to Casa Fascinating posthaste without passing go and without, since it was pouring rain, stopping for a blinker bulb. I spent pretty much all day there, most of which we spent, I kid you not, ignoring each other entirely. I brought my computer and she had hers and, well, thanks to the ADD, we are not girls who multi-task well.

Finally, on Tuesday mid-foisting my resume on various school offices, I stopped for a bulb. A lot of times, the guys at auto parts stores will offer to help you out with that kind of stuff, but it was a girl helping me and she seemed very concerned with which employee was leaving when so she could take her break, so I paid and took my bulb home. I was pretty sure I could handle it anyway. I had helped my dad put one in a couple of years ago and once we figured out which phillips-head screw the manual meant we should remove, it hadn't been that difficult.

I got home, changed out of my Please Hire Me outfit, and got to work. First order of business: find the page number for changing a turn signal bulb in the index of my owner's manual. Second order of business: check all of the pages around that number to discover which page it's actually on since NONE OF THE PAGE NUMBERS MATCH UP. This has made me a little crazy over the course of the six years I've owned this car.

I found the page eventually and just went ahead and removed all three screws in the general area, as well as the plastic wing nut thingy inside the trunk. Then I spent a rather embarrassing amount of time trying to get the big red plastic thing to come off the car. You know, the thing I sort of cut off in this picture from that post about my couch.

But come off it finally did and I was left only with the last step: turn the light socket counterclockwise and then pull it straight out. Turn. Pull. Pull. Pull. Not budging. Pull. Pull. (Repeat for, you know, a long time.) Realize in current agitated state, I'm likely to break it if I continue. Quit.

So I put the big red plastic thing back in place and decided I'd go back to the auto parts store the next day to see if I couldn't get someone there to get the damn socket out for me. I changed out of the Please Hire Me clothes before going back on Wednesday and yes, I happened to put on a tank top, but as those of you in the San Antonio area know, it is hot as hell and twice as humid around here these days. My purple tank top and I went to the auto parts store (I'm not being coy here about the name of it. It's not Auto Zone. Beyond that, I can't tell you what it is.) where we were actively ignored by four auto part store employees for quite some time.

Finally, a different girl from the one who helped me the first time told me she could come out and look at it as soon as she made two more phone calls. I was comforted to see that she also struggled with it for quite some time before finally getting the damn thing out. I'd say that I loosened it for her but that would be an out and out lie.

Unlike that tweet, which contained no falsified information, merely misleading information. Sure, nobody offered to help me. I had to ask. And the helpful young employee was not a boy. And the tank top likely played no part whatsoever. But I think we can all agree that the most important thing is that my tweet got twenty favorites, putting me on the first page of the Favrd Leaderboard for that day.

Because to be honest, the internet is kind of propping up my self-esteem these days. Maybe I can't get a job, but invisible internet people think I'm funny. Probably I can't put that on my resume though. You think?

Well. This is awkward.

There's a new button over there, courtesy of my Blog Bitch Internet Presence Manager.  It says "Donate", but Typepad calls it a tip jar, which is how I am choosing to think of it.  I debated the relative tackiness of this for quite some time before deciding to go ahead and put it up.

The way I see it, it's like the guitar case a guy puts out when he plays on a street corner.  You can look at it either of two ways, both of which are completely valid.  Sometimes I see the guy and the case and think, "Hey, I didn't ask him to play.  He's doing it of his own free will so I don't need to give him money for it."  But then sometimes I think "I am enjoying that man's music and appreciate that he has played it.  I will throw a quarter in his case."

So, yeah.  Nobody asks me to write this stuff and post it on the internet and you're certainly under no obligation to pay just because you read it.  It's not, after all, your fault that I am an internet attention whore.  On the other hand, if you've enjoyed things you've read here and would like to throw a quarter in my proverbial guitar case, feel free. 

Bringing us back to tacky.  I don't want to make it sound like I think you should all feel sorry for poor little me and throw money at me.  I'm just affording you the opportunity, should throwing money at me be something you've been longing to do.  Although it's really too bad we couldn't all get together and have you throw actual change at me, because I'm sure all of the shrieking and covering of my face would make an entertaining spectacle for you all.

So.  Can we stop talking about this now?  Ok, great.

How about if I distract you with baby pictures? Yes?

See, there's this counter at my house, that when I lived here before was the niece and nephew counter. Both of my roommates had framed photos there of their nieces and nephews and I had none at the time to include. So upon arriving here, I had to find photos to put there so I could finally join in. These are the two that I chose.

Owen enjoys the pool:

This one of Allie previously appeared on Lisa's blog, but I think it bears repeating:

Ok, then. Uh...the end.

Damn it, Twitter

You're down?  But I've had a marginally amusing thought!  THE INTERNET MUST BE APPRISED.

Twitter has been having some problems lately, and has been down a lot.  Leading some people to bitch and moan and get worked up into an "I'm going to take my no money that I pay you for this free service and go home!" huff.  And leading other people to create a website about what to do when Twitter is down.  For example, "When Twitter is down, yell 'FAVORITE' at attractive strangers."

See, because when someone likes one of your tweets, they can click on a little star thing and make it one of their favorites.  Or, if you're comfortable with using favorite as a verb, they can favorite your tweet.  Then, perhaps your tweet will appear on Favrd and everyone can see how clever and witty you are.  Or maybe you'll just see your little picture under someone else's tweet that you favorited.  And then you might get excited about that and then realize that it's roughly the equivalent of being excited about having voted for the winning popular girl for homecoming queen.

But it's kind of ok, because these people are popular for a reason.  There are some truly hilarious people on Twitter and you get all of that hilarity for free. You know, when Twitter is working.

That's what I use it for anyway.  I only know a couple of the thirty-some people I follow (I'd tell you exactly how many, but I don't remember and I can't check since Twitter is currently down.)  Mostly I follow people on the basis of how funny I find them.  I found a lot of them initially by reading through the favorites of people I liked.  Then I found that Favrd basically did that for me.  Thank goodness I am now spared all of that work.

Some people use Twitter more for conversation.  I even saw one person say that if you're not replying to everyone you follow, you're doing it wrong.  I disagree, but I didn't reply to her to tell her that. 

Then you have someone like the CEO of Zappos who uses it for publicity.  I am fine with that and even follow him since he frequently gives away free shoes.  Although I do find it a bit discouraging that the Twitter account he started for his cat El Gato had, last I saw, over ten times as many followers as I do.

I know the whole Twitter thing is a strange concept to people who don't use it.  I didn't get it myself for quite some time.  On the same blog post with the "I want my no money back!" comments, there were people saying that it was stupid to think anyone would want to read a running commentary of your boring day.  True, that would be stupid.  Thank goodness there are plenty of people doing nothing of the sort.

I mean, yes, in theory you are supposed to be answering the question "What are you doing?" but nobody actually does that.  So you get to amuse the internet with non-sequiturs while openly flouting the rules.  It's the perfect place for people with a sharp wit and extremely lame rebellious streak.

My Twitter addiction will have to subside once I start teacher training and actual teaching, which will probably be about the same time that they get all of the kinks worked out.  In the meantime though, I'll continue to get far more than I pay for. 

And if I can't get into Twitter to post any particularly urgent comical thoughts or observations, well then, I guess there's still this little blog I have.

That Craig lets anybody on his list

On Saturday, my college friend Kristine was here to photograph my place and also generally hang out.  We were talking about her recent online dating experiences, which have been with a Christian dating site.  You'd think the guys would be nicer.  You would be wrong. 

Kristine wrote to one guy to ask if he was a musician.  He wrote back an extremely short answer, then took the time to write again, entirely unprompted, to tell her that he was only interested in women who are stunning.  She took the high road and didn't write back.  Whereas I would most likely have written back to say "How perfect.  I'm only interested in men who are shallow assholes.  What time are you picking me up?"

So we thought we'd look at Craig's List to see if the men of the greater Madison area might be more promising.  And...yikes.  Sure, there were a few guys who sounded potentially interesting, but for the most part, we found far more entertainment value than dating potential.

First, we have the many, MANY guys who specify "no drama, no games".  Right.  Here's the thing, boys: if you want to date women, there is going to be drama.  I like to think that I'm pretty much as low-drama as women come, but that still does not ensure any man in my life a completely drama-free relationship.  And secondly, boys of Craig's List, even under the best of circumstances, dating is a game.  It doesn't have to be a bad thing, as long as you find someone who plays fair.

Next we have two polar opposites.  There's the man of few words.  Maybe he tells you his age.  He's looking for a woman.  That's about as much as you're getting out of him.  Then we have the man with the uberspecific list of qualifications.  Must be between 26 and 27 1/2.  Must be "slim", "thin", "fit", "HWP", "BBW" or "takes care of theirself".  Must love baseball/fishing/biking/performance art/snowboarding/cooking/death metal/Kafka.  Must be family-oriented/want kids/not want kids/not have kids/understand that his kids come first in his life.  Must be sweet/generous/open/affectionate/smart/funny/independent/a free spirit/driven/religious/spiritual but not religious/not religious/420 friendly.  One guy specified "must run fast".  Another one wanted someone with no midwestern accent.  You live in Wisconsin, friend.  Yes, it is one of the unsexiest accents going, but you're going to have to either get used to it or move.

Then there's your embittered guy.  This guy can go one of two ways.  Either he's straightforward about it and just writes something about how there aren't any REAL women left and he's a gentleman just looking for a nice girl, but he guesses there aren't any left in Madison.  The other route is the deeply sarcastic "I'm looking for a drama queen to spend my money, never have sex, dump her kids on me, never cook dinner, lie, cheat, and then leave me.  Is that you?"  Oh, bitter guy.  Maybe take some time off from the internet dating.

I've saved a couple of specific postings for last.  Like this one:

seeking a woman age 20-27 who has some acquaintance with the work of pierre bourdieu, carl schmitt, alain badiou, yukio mishima etc. i know this implies a degree of effort in thought, so please, don't strain yourself.

it would also be nice if you are thin, as i am thin.

i haven't had much success meeting people who are actually interested in thinking, most people around here are more concerned with "finding themselves" or getting laid.

i'm pretty fashionable. pic for pic.

Capitalizing apparently requires a degree of effort that this guy isn't willing to strain himself with, even when it's going to good use, such as insulting his entire potential dating pool.  But don't worry, ladies, not only is he interested in thinking, he's also thin and fashionable.

Then there's this guy, who finds himself in Madison after a successful career in college and semi-pro basketball:

If you've got some game on the b-ball court, let's go one on one...loser (which will be you) buys the bottle of cheap or expensive wine and cooks or buys dinner. Deal?

What girl could resist an offer like that?  Forget helping Kristine, I am thinking of emailing him myself.  I just can't pass up the opportunity to play basketball against a guy who has no plans to go easy on me despite the fact that he has played (semi-)professionally and that I am a girl and THEN I can buy the wine and it's entirely up to me whether I want to make dinner myself or pay for it.  A lot of guys won't give you that option.  What a dove.

If you like what you read here, leave me a comment.  Serious replies only.  I'll only respond if you include a pic.  It would also be nice if you are stunning, as I am stunning.  And you're buying the wine.

What I've been doing tonight instead of packing

Inspired by these, I created my own pop culture chart just for you.  Even the most vigilant of coworker spies could not catch me using valuable work time to think up stuff like this.

   

The Internet: Not Just a Tool for Procrastination Anymore

I know there has been a lot of Woe. Misery. Despair. around here lately.  You, Internet, have been great with all of your comments and good wishes.  In fact, I have been surprised overall at how this whole "sharing my life with the Internet" thing has been such an overwhelmingly positive experience over the past few years.

One of the most surprising parts for me has been the friendships I have made with other blog people who I've never met in real life.  They are people I have genuinely celebrated with and been sad and concerned for and also mailed photos of myself wearing baby bibs and hats in the aisles of Target under the guise of "congratulations on your pregnancy care package".

The lucky recipient of those rather disturbing photos (also featuring Melissa) was my blog friend Emily of Not That You Asked.  Now Emily is asking for our help on behalf of her real life friends, who are facing something so difficult that I cannot even fathom it.  Their little girl has cancer.  As terrible as that would be all on its own, there are extenuating circumstances that make it financially difficult as well.

You all have been so incredibly kind to me that I wanted to at least pass this along and give you the opportunity to help out.  You can follow the link here to read the story, leave a comment and/or make a donation on Emily's blog.

Thanks, Internet.  And fair warning: perspective gained on the relative smallness of my current problems notwithstanding, it doesn't look good for things to get chipper around here anytime soon.  Then again, if you were looking for chipper, what would you be doing here?

New Toy*

Twitter.  Which isn't really new at all, is it?

I signed up recently just to follow people.  I was not going to participate.  Because I have enough trouble coming up with stuff to post on one site.  If I start using what ideas I do have somewhere else, things will get even more desperate over here.

But then I started thinking about all of those funny thoughts I have that never turn into posts because there's just not enough there.  And God forbid I should ever think or hear anything remotely amusing and not immediately share it with the Internet.

So if you want to follow me, you can go here.

I can't make any promises about how long I'll stick with it, but I wasn't sure about blogging either, and yet here we all are two and a half years later.  Which means that I've had the same website for over twice as long as I've had any address since high school.  Interesting.

*I was going to call this post Something Shiny! but then I realized that I already used that title quite a long time ago.  Which means that I forgot that I had previously used a phrase that is used to convey that a person is distractible and absent-minded.  Imagine that.

I really should have asked you for novel plot ideas instead of post ideas

Because today is November first and I have to start writing a novel and I...am still not sure what I'm writing about.  Oh, and with totally predictable timing, I finally got a temp job as of yesterday.  Doing data entry, so that unlike last year, I am not able to write all day at work.  Perfect.  (Not that I am complaining about finally getting some work.  The ability to pay one's rent is in no way overrated.)

But we're not here to talk about my novel (or lack thereof).  We're here to finish up the four part series Your Questions...Answered!  So without further tangents, Laughing Mouse starts us out:

And, I add to the pet peeve grammar thing ... pet peeve drivers. Kelly and I've decided that drivers in Wisconsin ... well, Janesville really, are ALL MORONS. Your thoughts??

Oh, AND, do you think "global warming has taken over the world" and we're in for another mild winter here in WI or are you more of a "well, we've had it easy, so we're in for it this year" gal who thinks we're going to get SLAMMED?

First, it is my experience that drivers everywhere are terrible.  Other drivers, I mean.  Not me.  Or you.  Everybody else.  Including the motorcycle cop I nearly ran over today.  In his defense, he was in pursuit of someone in a white Cadillac, but he still came out of nowhere and zoomed into the lane next to me just as I was about to get into that lane.  I had my blinker on and everything.  Scared the hell out of me.  I wouldn't want to run over anybody, but especially not a police officer.  They send you to the big house for that.

Second, what is this "winter" that you speak of?  I believe the next season is called Christmas.  And after Christmas season, we have spring.  LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU IT WON'T GET ANY COLDER IF I JUST COMPLETELY REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS COMING LA LA LAAAAAAAAA.

Back to One Smart Cookie who asked, based on my reference to my dinner of vegetarian vegetable soup, whether I am a vegetarian.  Well, no.  I don't eat much meat at home, but this is mostly because with meat, you pretty much have to cook.  But I do eat plenty of meat cooked by other people when I go out to restaurants.  The reason for the vegetable soup was my aversion to soup meat.  See, I have texture issues with food.  And meat that is in soup tends to have a texture that makes me gag, so I wind up picking all of the chicken out of my chicken noodle soup before I can eat it.  If they made chickenless chicken noodle soup, I would buy that.  But the texture thing isn't all bad news.  Texture is a large part of my love for applesauce, pears, strawberries, tomatoes, good gnocci, cous cous, puffy Cheetos, string cheese, pudding, and Kit Kats.  Oh, and frosting, provided it is not that whipped cream crap, which is not so much frosting as it is whipped cream applied to cake.  Sick and wrong.

Finally, Holly Rose brought up a humorous job application that I once wrote as an exercise in procrastination.  This is a real time saver for me since I can just refer everyone back to this post where I already wrote about that.  Gosh, Holly, you think just because you've been busy over the past two years getting married, raising an energetic child, and taming wild animals teaching middle schoolers, that you're off the hook for not having the archives of this blog committed to memory?  I suppose I'll let it slide this time since it does allow me to get to bed that much earlier.  What?  I have to WORK tomorrow.  But please to head over to my job application and feel free to leave your answers in the comments here.  Even if you already did it.  Maybe you've changed your mind.

And with that, we conclude The Week of Using You to Generate Blog Material.  Thanks for playing!

Part three in what I can apparently parlay into a four part series

Dave had a rather interesting scenario for me:

If you were called upon, Noah-like, to care for two animals of every known species, which would have the best survival rate in your home? Which would you spend the most time with? Which would require the most attention? Which would need to be separated from each other? Etc. Assume space is not an issue since you have ample warning to get that home improvement loan and build to suit your needs.

Wow.  Well, uh, I guess the cute and fuzzy animals would have the best survival rate if I were in charge since they would certainly be my priority.  Particularly really adorable animals such as teacup pigs:

They're like pursedogs, but pigs instead!  I would definitely be keeping these away from all of the carnivores in the house.

I'm not sure I could successfully force myself to keep two of every insect alive in my home.  To that end, I know I should separate animals like geckos and roaches, bats and mosquitoes, but I don't see myself doing that.  Good riddance, creepy crawlies!  I know, I know, food chain and all of that, but Dave said this is my house and I won't have two of every bug in it!

Next up, Sharon, with this request:

Maybe it's just me, but I would love to hear you do more political commentary. Maybe an IR Brief/Wrap every once in a while.

I don't have a political rant in me at the moment, so I thought I'd go ahead and tell you what in heck Sharon is talking about here.  See, I know Sharon from when we were both civic educators back in DC.  We would take our students to various seminars throughout the week, which included International Relations (IR) as well as Judicial, Media, and a Domestic Issues Debate.  One of the responsibilities of the instructors was to do a briefing before the seminar and a wrap afterward, in which the students would be prepared and debriefed, respectively.  This involved leading a discussion or activity in front of up to 200 high school students and there was no getting out of doing them on a regular basis.  Which is why, to this day, I am comfortable in front of as many students as you can find for me to speak to, but still completely seize up in front of only a handful of adults.  I was also able to finely hone my skill for BS as a result of this responsibility.  You try coming up with an interesting activity to engage a bunch of teenagers in judicial issues.  Oh, and you have no idea what the speaker will actually be talking about, but somehow you have to tie in your briefing and what the speaker said during your wrap activity/discussion.  It's six degrees of legislation.

And finally, we get to Madison Friend Katie and her grammar query:

I would really like to know some of your (poor) grammar pet peeves. I know you have them. Maybe you’ve already talked about them on this blog, but if you haven’t, I'd love to hear them. I’ll get you started with mine. Maybe they’re not so much grammar pet peeves as words and phrases that make me cringe when used improperly.

1. The word utilized. It’s used (utilized?) and misused (see what I mean?) way too often. And quite frankly, I think people just use it to try to sound smarter. Please, just use “use”.

2. Facilitated. Maybe I’ve been reading too many resumes lately, but how often do you actually facilitate something? Chances are you led something, you hosted something, you organized something, or a group you belong to sponsored something. Saturday night’s hypnotist is not being facilitated by the student activities committee. It is being sponsored by the student activities committee. They are paying for the hypnotist. They are not making him easier.

3. The phrase “At the end of the day”. If you’re really talking about something that will occur shortly before the day is over, then you have my permission to use this phrase. If you’re using the phrase to summarize a thought similar to “when all is said and done,” please don’t. It’s way too over-used (over-utilized??). I trace its origins back to the first season of The Apprentice. If that show ever airs again, would you like to play a drinking game with me? We’ll take turns drinking any time someone uses the phrase. And at the end of the night, I guarantee that we'll be drunk:)

Well, Katie, I have indeed previously discussed my grammar pet peeves, as have a number of other folks around here.  They share your disdain for the overuse of the word utilize.  I have to say, it never occurred to me to be bothered by this until everybody brought it up. Not to worry though, there are always more grammar pet peeves to be discussed.

One thing that routinely gets under my skin is the use of 's to indicate a plural.  Folks, if it's more than one, it's just s.  Or es.  But no apostrophe!  NO NO NO.  This is particularly common when people are talking about couples or families using last names.  My family, for example, is the Grahams.  Not the Graham's.  Writing the Graham's indicates that one of us is THE Graham and that something belongs to him or her.  But no, we are plural.  Add an s.  Unless your last name already ends with an s, in which case, add es.  It's that easy!

A second pet peeve concerns the misuse of the word myself.  This commonly happens in a sentence like "Brett Favre and myself led the Packers to a win against the Broncos."  No.  I.  Brett Favre and I.  Myself could be properly used in a sentence like "I was proud of myself for staying awake for the entire game, thus enabling the Packers to win."  See how in that sentence, there is a reference to I followed by a reference to myself?  This is the key, people!  Brett Favre outdid himself.  Ann Coulter made an ass of herself.  You are currently giving yourself permission to quit reading this boring grammar lesson.  There's a pattern there.

Ok, then.  I'll stop at just two grammar-related pet peeves.  For now.  (You, however, are free to leave as many as you'd like in the comments.  I promise to share in your outrage, because I am just that geeky.  If TLC ever started a show called How Not to Butcher the English Language, I could be Stacy to your Clinton.)

Tomorrow, we'll round out the week of me not having to come up with my own topics by addressing bad drivers, winter, my suspected vegetarianism, and a particularly egregious example of my gift for procrastination.  Won't you join us?

Oh, and Happy Halloween!  I'm dressed up as Girl Still in Her Pajamas.  Clever, right?  Now gimme some candy!

Continued

Let's see, where did I leave off?  Oh yes, our next post idea comes from Gary, who said:

How about a fantasy write? I've often wonder what it would be like to visit the castles of Scotland or what a typical day for you would be like - as president - in the White House.

Hmmm...me in the White House.  I imagine my day would include a lot of people telling me why all of my liberal do-gooder ideas are too expensive and impractical and will never get me re-elected.  And that I really need to begin taking a leadership role in something that isn't education, health care, or other social policy.  Someone would attempt to explain economics to me.  Unfortunately, I would glaze over roughly one minute into this and still not learn anything about it.  This would be a real liability, I imagine.  The press corps would make fun of my hair.  I would drive my speechwriters insane, wanting to do their job instead of my own.  And that whole throwing out the first pitch in a baseball game thing would be a total non-starter.  Eventually, I would resign.  My Vice President would be doing the real work of running the country anyway.  Let her have all of the stress and decision-making.  I'd just want to write the State of the Union and go to the Christmas party.

Next up, we have Emily:

Dude, I'm always game for someone's most embarrassing moment. Although the best ones were always the ones about tampons in Seventeen magazine. Do you know what I'm talking about? That page devoted to the trauma of adolescence?

First of all, yes, I am familiar with Seventeen's page o' tampon horrors.  Thankfully, I have none of those stories for you. I do, however, have numerous tales of my own embarrassment.  Alan has oh so sweetly referenced one of these in my comments.  Except this one goes past embarrassment straight on through to extreme humiliation and you will therefore only get an abridged version of the story.  And he will be getting a lot more of my cooking.  (Read: Lori's cooking = punishment.)

MOM: PLEASE SKIP THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH.

Here's what happened.  We went to Minnesota to visit his friends.  There was a small party the first night we were there.  You know how I asked you that one time whether at a party it was better to be the socially crippled girl or the really drunk girl?  Well.  The thing was, I was doing ok socially and did not even feel the need to be the really drunk girl.  But when Alan asked me what I wanted to drink and I said I'd have what he was having, except less strong, I did not realize that he was not so much drinking vodka and cranberry juice as Grey Goose with the faintest hint of cranberry.  So the less strong version he made for me was Grey Goose with a splash of cranberry.  I think I had three of those.  Oversharing ensued.  With my fairly new boyfriend's best friends whom I had just met a few hours before.  Also vomiting.  So much vomiting.

And that's really all I'm telling you about that.

Moving right along.  Diane asked some questions.  First, she wants to know what's getting on my nerves these days.  I will never stop having new answers to this question.  What immediately comes to mind is Japanese beetles.  Do you know about these?  They look like ladybugs, but they bite.  And when they get into your apartment, they fling themselves repeatedly against your walls and ceiling making a clacking noise that will make you a little bit crazy.  Also, there are these commercials where Sentry grocery stores claim to be "The Freshperts".  Doesn't the word freshpert sound vaguely creepy to you?  If someone called me a freshpert, I would take that an an insult.  And there are always the bikers.  They're in my way on the road.  They're nearly running me down on the sidewalk.  PICK A PLACE, BIKERS. 

Diane also asked if I have any plans for Halloween.  That would be no, unless by "plans for Halloween" she means buying and consuming an entire bag of Halloween-portioned Peanut Butter M&Ms followed by an entire bag of fun sized Baby Ruths.  Her final question concerned my peanut butter preference.  Well, Diane, when it is not in M&M form, I prefer my peanut butter to be crunchy.  And smeared on Granny Smith apple slices.  Or on a sandwich with blackberry jam.

Coming tomorrow: Me as Noah!  An IR Brief/Wrap explained!  Grammar-related pet peeves!  Oh boy!

Your Questions...Answered! (Vol. 1)

Thank you, Internet, for all of you responses to my request for questions and topics.  It's a good thing that you came through because I'm back to having nothing much to say.  But thanks to you, a post!

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?  It is, after all, a very good place to start.  That's what I hear anyway.

Kicking things off was One Smart Cookie, who asked for photos of my neighborhood, shoe collection, and/or what I made for dinner.  Sadly, I am unable to comply with this request since my camera is busted.  I don't think the can of vegetarian vegetable soup that I "made" for dinner would have been so photogenic anyway, alphabet shaped noodles or no.  My neighborhood and shoes on the other hand...lovely, lovely, lovely.  Ooh, I know!  You can look at a photo of my beautiful new shoes here!  I am a problem solver.  Do you think I can use this as an example in a job interview?

Next up, we have Kara.  She commented:

So, I'm a complete stranger to you and it's absolutely none of my business. . .but since you asked. . .is it my imagination or have there been a couple of references to A Boy in the recent past? Anything interesting happening in that department? If it's not good, you can email me to simply say "not good" and I'll go ahead and slam my foot in the door or something, to make up for any pain the question might cause you.

Well, Kara, there is no need for self-inflicted pain of any kind.  Yes, there is A Boy.  We are still together.  I think this is in large part due to the many important things we have in common.  For instance, we do not believe that entree food items should be sweet.  Pad Thai?  No thanks.  And ham?  Should be salty.  We also are both rather grossed out by feet.  We saw footage on The Soup this weekend of I Love New York 2 where some guy was sucking New York's toes.  We both nearly vomited.  It's true what they say about the importance of shared values in a relationship.

Next!  Amy had three questions/requests.  A) Why are you so darn cute?  I think it mostly has to do with the pink bows that I am always wearing in my pigtails.   B) Why do you live so far away?  I don't live far away.  I live right here.  You, however, live far away from here.  C) Some older pictures that I haven't yet used here.  Let's see...nope, no old photos, but I do have this NEW one.

Raise your hand if you didn't see that coming.  Is there any post into which I cannot work a photo of my nephew?  It sure doesn't look that way.

Tune in tomorrow for even more audience participation.  Kicking yourself for not yet contributing a question or topic idea?  There continues to still be time!  Come on, all of the cool kids are doing it.  The first one's free.  And...uh...the chicks dig it.

It's a blog post about blogs. How original.

Carolie tagged me for a meme recently which basically seems to be about pointing out your pet peeves about blogs.  I've been thinking about this and having a hard time because if something irritates me about a blog, I tend to stop reading it.  Yes, there are some things that are irritating and common to a lot of blogs, but I'm unqualified to throw stones in these areas:

• Not posting often enough.
• Conversely, posting boring and/or poorly-written stuff just to be posting regularly.
• Blatant abuse of caps lock and sarcastic exclamation points.
• Putting up photos in order to get out of having to really write things.
• Using bulleted or numbered lists in order to create the illusion of more content.
• Excessive use of parenthesis.
• Begging for comments.

Guilty!  I do not, however, write my posts as if I were writing a text message.  Or, as if someone else were writing a text message I should say, since my texts conform to all laws of the English language, including capitalization and punctuation.  I don't know how the rest of you can stand to do it any other way.  Anyway, I wouldn't read a blog that was written as if it were a non-geeky person's text message.  I don't tend to have the patience for blogs with imperfect grammar, unless you are Melissa and are therefore hilarious anyway.

Mostly, I tend to choose the blogs I read on the basis of how funny/compelling/thought-provoking they are.   Good writing gets me every time.  I haven't spent the time that I ought to looking for new blogs because I know there's a lot of great stuff out there, but there are just so many choices and honestly, WHERE TO START?  As with so many things in life, I am overwhelmed and subsequently paralyzed by indecision.

So I was thinking about all of that stuff, and then I came across this event via Nothing But Bonfires.

Aaaand we're back to begging for comments.  Over on the blog that I swiped the button from, there was a whole discussion going on in the comments about why people do or do not comment.  Some people said they've stopped commenting because they don't get a response to their comments.  This surprised me.

I'm not looking for a response from a blogger when I leave a comment and thus had not realized that this was an expectation that people have.  Sometimes I respond to people's comments, but not that often and honestly, sometimes I think about responding or even begin to and then talk myself out of it because really, how many people want an email from me saying "HA! Good one!"?  So I guess if this is something you're looking for or that you feel is lacking here, let me know.  I do always go and check out the blogs of everyone who comments, if that helps.

Apparently The Great Mofo Delurk came out of a general sense that people are commenting less these days.  I can't say that's been the case around here recently.  Things have been pretty steady, both visit-wise and comment-wise.  Not to say that these numbers are at all close.  Lots and lots of you are reading but not commenting.  LOTS.  Lurkers on every continent!  (Except Antarctica, obviously, but if you know a scientist there and could pass along the URL so I could get one hit from the final remaining continent, I would be far too excited about that.)

Now, I'm something of a hypocrite on this issue.  I comment regularly on a few blogs, but I regularly read quite a few more.  I lurk for the same reason that most lurkers do.  I don't always feel like I have something sufficiently witty or different to contribute.  Or sometimes I am just lazy.

But the truth is, comments are one of the primary reasons why we bloggers write.  If I just wanted a place to record my thoughts or write through what I'm thinking and feeling, I'd write in a spiral notebook.  I want people to read what I write.  And if they want to respond to it too, all the better. 

(See how I made that sound all casual-like?  As if comments did not constitute the entire basis of my self-esteem?) 

(Wait, you understand that the above statement was hyperbole, right?  Because I could foresee some comments about the wrongness of finding one's worth through blog comments, which is really not necessary, thanks.)

Anyway, delurking would be nice.  I promise to respond if that's something that you'd want me to do.  And everyone, lurkers and regular commenters alike, should weigh in on the above topics.  I'm curious.  Meanwhile, in the spirit of not being a big fat hypocrite, I've got some commenting to do elsewhere.

TA-DAAAAAA!!!

How do you like me now, Internet? If you’re reading through Bloglines or something, click on through, because it has suddenly gotten very stylish around here.

What we have here is of course Birthday Present #3, a total site redesign. You’re understanding more now how I managed to be so ok with turning 30, aren’t you? If there are presents this good to be had, who wouldn’t want to turn 30?

I tell you what, Alan is one handy guy to have around. In addition to the obvious web design skills, he also possesses IT skills (my wireless router hooked up in roughly 1/1000^th the time it would have taken me), automotive skills (checking…you know…car stuff and also duct taping parts to my car as needed) (I wish I were making that last part up), and handyman skills (assembling and fixing furniture, figuring out how to install my window AC unit in my new crank windows – if this had been left up to me, it would have just been very warm in here for a month now).

I’m certainly not one of those girls who has always had a boyfriend. In fact, the word “rarely” comes to mind. So I suppose it’s possible that this is the standard having-a-guy-around experience, but I don’t think so. I think I hit the jackpot here.

I guess we all did, seeing as how we’re all now benefiting from the man’s skills. Can you believe that we lived with that boring old template for two entire years? Thank goodness that’s over now.

And we have features! Things are all kinds of pretty and user-friendly and sort of moved around. Go ahead, poke around a little. Get a feel for the new place.

You should also feel free to leave a comment telling Alan how brilliant and talented he is.

Oh, and don’t worry. The design may be professional, but the content will remain sophomoric as always.

Insert tired "you like me!" joke here.

Internet, I won something!  And no, I am not referring to the many notifications of various fabulous winnings (just give us your credit card info and social security number!) that I receive daily in my email.  I mean I won an Internet award!  For doing something stupid and then telling you about it!

Masked Mom picked me for her Perfect Post award for June for my post about my couch.  I thanked her and said that it was nice that my idiocy could help anyone out, even if it were only in the form of amusement.  This makes me especially happy, given that I have enough of these posts to create an entire category called I do stupid things.  Because when I do stupid things, my first impulse is to tell no one.  This is followed immediately by the realization that of course I must post it here.  I am nothing if not a clown for the Internet's entertainment.

Also, I am just generally that hard up for material.  I swear, I can't trip on the sidewalk without thinking, "Finally, something to write about!"  So on that note, I would also like to thank Masked Mom most heartily for giving me a topic for this post.  Because I really had nothing at all of interest to say today, and then I got her email.  So if you like new posts, you should thank her too.

Seriously, it's like crack to me.

Things I have learned from my Craig's List addiction:

-It is really amazing to me how many people have Awesome! roommates.  Almost every person who is attempting to sublet his or her room in a house or apartment has awesome roommates!  Occasionally they are merely easygoing, laid back, or never home, but mostly they are awesome.

-Sometimes by "junior 1 bedroom" a person actually means "studio apartment with the bed in the closet".  Seriously.  UNDER HER CLOTHES.

-Apparently, nobody finds it odd to list FREE HEAT! as an amenity in a summer sublet.  I find it odd, don't you?

-I am a floor snob.  Carpet, shmarpet.  If it's not all hardwoods, I don't want to live there.

-There are an astonishing number of harvest gold and avacado-colored appliances still in use in apartments.

-Lots of people are clearly in too much of a hurry to get rid of their stuff (Everything Must Go!) to bother checking their spelling.  Armoire, chenille, and parquet are particularly troubling.  Craig's List posters are no francophiles.

And now, for your reference, a Craig's List furniture listing dictionary:

vintage = old

funky = painted it myself

modern = plastic

Ikea = Ikea

Ikea-like = cardboard

scratch = gash

worn = the dog chewed on/peed all over

great = ugly

comfy = fugly

large = the size of a standard elephant

Confidential to Austin people: Hi!  If a third Target desk that matches my Target coffee table shows up on Craig's List, could you please not buy this one before I see it?  Thanks!

You're it. No tag-backs.

Tracy tagged me for this meme, which, because I have no other ideas of what to write, I am completing in a (somewhat) timely manner.  The meme involves listing seven songs that you are into right now.  Let us bear in mind that the fact that I live in Austin should not be interpreted to mean that I have my finger on the pulse of the indie music scene.  Quite the contrary.  Pretty much the only time I have right now to listen to music is when I'm in my car driving to or from one job or another, so mostly I listen to whatever is on the radio (which is almost always something by The Fray).  Particularly since I took my CD case inside a few weeks back because it still had Christmas CDs in it and I have neglected to ever switch them and put it back in the car.  So it's been either the radio or No Name Face by Lifehouse for quite some time.  Disclaimer ended.

1. Superstition by Stevie Wonder - Not only is this one of my all-time favorite songs, but it is also now my ring tone.  Meaning that I don't really want to answer the phone when it rings.

2. Everlong by the Foo Fighters - Tracy, you were so right.  This song not only holds up, it seems to get better all the time.   There was a time when this was not even my favorite Foo Fighters song.  Then I came to my senses.

3. You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles - I have always loved this song, and have had it in my head on and off for the past couple of weeks since I finally got around to watching Ray.

4. It's Alright by Third Day - I fell a little bit in love with this song when I ripped it from my sister's CD legally purchased the CD and put it on my crappy old mp3 player before I went to Europe.

5. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol - I know.  It's trendy and all, but how am I not going to like a song that advocates both wasting time and just laying here?

6. Fade into You by Mazzy Star - This song is on fairly continuous radio play around here.  Which is weird, but fine by me.

7. Nothing on but the Radio by Gary Allan - Yes, country.  What can I say?  I'm eclectic.

And now, I tag all of you.  You can post on your blog and leave the link in the comments or just put your answer in a comment.  There are, as ever, no actual rules around here, so do seven, do more or less...whatever.  Totally up to you.

Just a few links. For you!

I thought that Joe Mathlete Explains Marmaduke was pretty hilarious.  Then I clicked over to Joe Mathlete Will Draw Anything You Ask Him To and nearly peed my pants (and by extension, my desk chair.)  Go there - you'll thank me.  You can do so in the comments or by email.  Or call me if you are one of the privileged few with that option available to you.  I am sorry to tell you that if you do not find this funny, we can no longer be friends/relatives/associates/Internet strangers.  Well, ok, we can still be strangers.

And because misery loves company, MY EYES!  (Not for the faint of heart.)  You probably won't want to thank me for that one, but if you feel the need to cuss me out over it, please do so via email or telephone.  My mom reads this.

Yet another post in which I go ahead and tell you something embarrassing that I swore I wouldn't tell the Internet.

Here's a movie line (from Notting Hill) that I didn't include in that other post, but which was stuck in my head Saturday morning as I prepared to go to the open house to meet Amy:

This is one of those key moments in life when it's possible to be really, genuinely cool and I'm going to fail just a hundred percent! 

I wouldn't say that I failed a hundred percent.  Maybe only 25%.  Read on, dear Internet, and you make the call.

Melissa showed up at my house around 11:00 dressed casually and yet bearing cute tops and heels.  She changed into one of these and, after inspecting my closet and finding nothing acceptable there, gave me her other top to wear.  She told me to wear this with jeans and pointy-toed heels.  I obeyed because I am fashion-impaired.  Then, after hair and make-up and a stop at the liquor store for Grey Goose and juice, we were off!

Melissa's navigation system, Bianca, led us to Jennifer's house.  Where we saw people sitting outside.  Casually-dressed people.  Realizing that we were way overdressed, we drove right on past and started heading back toward my house to change.  Except Jennifer lives far north of me, and I-35, a.k.a. The Vortex of Traffic Doom, was packed even on a Saturday afternoon.  It was nearing 1:00 and the party was scheduled to last until 2:00.  What to do?

Target, as usual, came to the rescue. 

Bianca found us a Target nearby and Melissa dropped me off at the door and then went to park and change in her car into her casual clothes.  I made for the shoes to pick up some flip flops before realizing that the jeans that fit with the four inch heels were clearly just not going to work out with flip flops.  I called Melissa who came in and started grabbing things off racks and tossing them at me so that mere minutes later I had a cute and casual new skirt and t-shirt, flip flops that Melissa grabbed while I was in the fitting room, and a new bra since the pink one I had on, showing through my new white shirt, was not going to make the statement I was hoping for.  I changed in the car and we were off!  Again!

Yes, Internet, I bought a whole new outfit because mine was ALL WRONG.  And I really wasn't going to tell you that.

Ok, so we arrived at Jennifer's once again and people were no longer outside, but this time we took the extraordinary step of parking the car, getting out, and actually going into the house.  Once inside, we met Jennifer, who was hosting and whose house is completely adorable.  And then we met Amy herself.  My first impression: she is teeny tiny.  And then we started talking and Heather B. you could not have been more correct in your comment on Melissa's post.  Which, for you lazy asses who can't be troubled to click on the link said, among other things:

She'll be one of the sweetest, least intimidating people that you will ever meet. I promise. And she's fun and funny and she actually is that pretty in real life.

All true.  She was so not indimidating, in fact, that I even spoke some actual words, not merely in her presence but directly to her.  We conversed, people.  (This should not imply that I didn't spend 90% of the time sitting mutely while other people talked.  I'm just saying that it wasn't the 100% that I had been anticipating.)  And she did not seem freaked out at all by all of the Internet fan-people, although she did admit to wondering whether it would be awkward, what with it being a party full of socially maladjusted Internet people.  (She was including herself in there - that sounded mean otherwise, didn't it?)  And she let us take pictures so we could post them on our blogs with long and drooly posts.  AND she said we should totally email her because we're, like, her people now.  How sweet is that?

Really, Lori?  You could buy a new outfit but not bother to de-frizz your hair? 

Oh, and there were other nice people there too!  Including Lisa, who really did bring tie-dyed pound cake (mmmm...) and jalepeno lemonade (right, as if I am not way too wussy to try that) and who told me that I look like Amy.  Which, while not true at all, was still one of the nicest things anyone has said to me in a good long while.

And today I am again wearing my new Target shirt which I now realize that you can sort of see down.  Awesome.

In which I shamelessly rip off your ideas.

So, some of you actually told me things you'd like me to write about and/or things you do or do not like in a blog.  Some of these I am sorry to tell you I cannot do.  Jennifer says she likes "I write about my feelings" blogs.  Sorry, Jennifer.  We here at Superfantastic have no feelings that we are aware of and certainly not any that we are willing to acknowledge in front of people.  You'll have to go elsewhere for any of that touchy feely hoo-ha.

But One Smart Cookie asked about Texas.  And there are things to say about Texas.  I have lived here for three years now and it still freaks me out every once in a while when I find myself thinking I live in Texas!  How did this happen?  Pretty shortly after I moved here, a twenty-something Texas native told me that she believed in all seriousness that everyone not from Texas wished they were from Texas.  Yikes.  With the possible exception of New Yorkers, you will never find a people so proud of where they're from as Texans.  Growing up, my sister and I had a theory that there was a law on the books here requiring each household to display at least one decorative item in the shape of Texas.  (Amy and I are in flagrant violation of this law.  Don't tell.)

As far as the Everything's Bigger in Texas, this is in many cases true.  Cars are bigger in Texas.  Because mostly they are trucks and SUVs.  People are bigger in Texas, except in Austin where everyone runs or bikes or plays with dogs or runs along side their dogs as they bike or whatever.  Even dogs are bigger in Texas.  Dogs are so big here that in Texas, these are considered purse dogs:

 

(See how I even cleverly worked in the puppy pictures that you asked for?)

BREAKING NEWS: We interrupt this post to bring you coverage of:

(Graphic courtesy of KXAN)  Winter is not bigger in Texas.  This year, winter looks primed to last almost five days.  Winter freak out though, is HUGE in Texas!  Not quite so funny this year since the entire Austin area having turned into one solid sheet of ice is in fact a real problem, worthy of closing schools and even giving me the afternoon off yesterday and the entire day off today and tomorrow morning as well.  Amy and I were just laughing at the news though when they reported that the wind chill was 19, "too cold for playing outside!"  Right.  I'm pretty sure we played outside anytime it was above zero.  But, unlike Austin's children, we had the snowsuits for it.  We did not go outside and play today, but I did brave the 19 degree weather to take some pictures.

Snow!

And finally, Diane asked about pet peeves.  I do have one or two of these.  Some I covered in this post, but I'm pretty sure I can come up with more.  Seeing as how I recently mentioned Incessantly Humming Coworker, I may as well mention that people humming, whistling, or singing something that in no way resembles any sort of actual song makes me a little crazy.  As do tags in the sides of shirts (at the collar or not at all, clothing manufacturers!), drivers who pass you only to cut you off and then slow down, and the concept of skinny jeans.  We're going back to tapered ankles?  Why?  And on a grammatical note (what, you didn't see that coming?) we have my current least favorites, "these ones", "those ones", and "the girl that..."  Girls are people.  A person is a who, not a that.  Yes, it's nitpicky.  And it bothers me.

I think that pretty well covers your requests, except for more job misadventures and it looks like there won't be any more of those until at least noon tomorrow.   Weather permitting.