How are you today? I'm superfantastic.

Seven things (most of) you didn't know about me

A bunch of people on Twitter a while back were tagging each other with this "seven things you didn't know about me" meme. Although I was never personally tagged, I decided today to write just that for you, seeing as how I can't think of anything else to post. Please bear in mind that nowhere was it stipulated that these needed to be seven interesting things you didn't know about me. Just seven things so, you know, manage your own expectations.

1. Whenever I get one of those flyers with all of the different kinds of checks you can order, I always have to choose which of those checks I'd order before I can throw it away. I don't ever order them. I get the cheap ones from my bank. I don't know why I always force myself to choose. Probably some sort of aversion therapy for my indecisiveness. Usually I wind up going with the paisley ones or something with coffee mugs on it, if you must know.

2. If I had to choose a different name for myself, it would be Kate.

3. I don't like Pad Thai or tater tots. I find that those are pretty universally-liked, so I really might be the only person in the world who has tried both and likes neither.

4. I seem to have latent voyeuristic tendencies. I say this due to my fascination with the show My House Is Worth What? on HGTV. I'm not sure how else to explain it except that I guess I like to look through other people's houses from a safe distance.

5. If I could go anywhere in the world, it would be Greece.

6. If I could go back to anywhere I've already been, it would be Florence.

7. I've had more than one dream recently in which I am with a group of people trying to figure out who is going to run Denmark. It appears to be present day in the dreams, but the reason we have to find someone to run Denmark is because Hamlet is dead. I'm sure there's some psychological significance to these dreams, but I don't have the first clue what it might be and I'm not sure I care to find out.

And now you can leave us seven things in the comments or even write seven things on your own blog, especially if you can't think of anything else to post. Easy as pie. (You could even start with your favorite kind of pie!) (Mine is blackberry.) (Or lemon meringue.) (I mentioned the thing about indecisiveness, right?)

If you don't have anything nice to say...

...write a post linking to a bunch of other stuff. (I'm pretty sure this goes for when you don't have anything interesting and/or funny to say as well. At least I hope so because that is also the case.)

First, we have my new favorite commercial. It's a Nike spot, featuring LaDanian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu.

Very cool, right?

Next I'd like to direct your attention to my new internet obsession, FiveThirtyEight.com: Electoral Predictions Done Right. (538 being the total number of votes in the Electoral College.) It's a site that pulls together polling data, giving greater weight to pollsters with better historical accuracy. While fascinating, I can admit that a large part of the draw for me is the win percentage (likelihood of the candidate winning the election) which currently has Obama at 94.9%, which yes, fills me with glee. I understand that some of you may want to avoid it due to lack of Obama-related glee.

Also fascinating, from a historical perspective, is 270toWin.com, (270 being the number needed to win a majority of electoral votes) which shows electoral maps going back all the way to 1789. You can see which states went for George Washington and every candidate since.

Keeping in the political vein, I recently read on the website of one of my favorite authors, Don Miller, this explanation of why he, as a Christian, is voting for Obama. He addresses the Big Two issues that tend to drive the votes of values voters, abortion and gay marriage. (Scroll down past the event information.) I'm not saying I agree with absolutely everything he says, but he definitely brings a viewpoint I haven't heard articulated.

And finally, I WIN AT TWITTER (with an assist). In the best news I've had all week news, I topped the Favrd Leaderboard yesterday! I didn't even used to ever look at the Leaderboard because I knew I'd never be on it. Recently I've been making the front page from time to time, which was pretty exciting for me. Yesterday, Columbus Day, I posted this tweet, which I honestly didn't even think was all that funny:

This is embarrassing. All day I've been wearing my trench coat and repeatedly checking my pockets in observance of Columbo Day.

My Twitter friend TJ (if I may be so bold as to proclaim us Twitter friends) sent me a direct message saying how funny he thought it was. I got 30-some favorites on it and was third on the Leaderboard, which I thought was pretty good, particularly for a tweet I hadn't even spent much time on. (Yes, sometimes I spend a lot of time on them. A lot. A really inordinate amount of time.) Then TJ tweeted this:

There are 2 kinds of people in the world: those who realize that this is the funniest thing said all day [link to my tweet]...and terrorists.

People clearly don't want to be labeled terrorists, because another 30-some marked my tweet as a favorite, which is how I ended up with 65 favorites on it. Those favorites included some really funny people. It's always exciting when people think you're funny, but doubly so when really funny people think you're funny. Who knows, maybe one day people will even pay me to write funny things. That's kind of the dream and one I haven't done nearly enough to pursue. Maybe it's time to get on that. I won't even have to quit my day job.

You take the good, you take the bad...

Like that song I've just implanted in your head (and mine - GAH), which is certainly The Bad.  As is a lot of the stuff I've been posting about recently.  In an effort to combat my Debbie Downer-ness, here are some good things:

Katie sent me these flowers yesterday.  Well, not these particular flowers since this photo comes from the 1-800-Flowers website.  Mine are actually much prettier since they're almost entirely bright yellow and deep purple. 

A couple of years ago, I sent Katie some flowers when she got some bad news, prompting her to call me, on her blog, "The best boyfriend I never had."  Back at you, Katie.

Also among the good: this photo of my now-six-month-old niece, who can sit up on her own, thankyouverymuch, which I have titled Cutest Photo Ever:

Another good thing?  Really well-written and intriguing fiction.  Tony Delgrosso (Tony_D to you Twitterers) is making his novel Mr. Abernathy available for download for free (FREE!) one chapter at a time.  As of today, Chapters One and Two are online.  I highly recommend that you get over there and start reading.  Trust me, you'll be hooked.

And finally, we have the weather, which is approaching Pleasant.  Which works out well since I need to step away from the cover letters and go out among the people to do some errands.  And tomorrow, I'll be outside helping to stain the fence at my sister and brother-in-law's house.  Provided I am able to tear myself away from the chubby baby cheeks long enough to pick up a brush.  If you'll take another look at that photo, I think you'll find that the likelihood of that comes in somewhere around Not Very.

A different kind of birthday post

I had a dream that I was back in college. As I walked through some building there, I glanced at a bulletin board that had something to do with being careful to protect your privacy. Then I went back for a closer look because I thought I'd seen a photo of myself on the board. Yep, there it was. It had clearly been taken through a crack where the curtains weren't quite entirely closed. Apparently, I was their cautionary tale about what happens if you don't protect your privacy. In the photo, I was in the process of getting dressed after a shower. I was at the beginning of the process, which is to say that I was naked. And this photo of me was posted on a bulletin board in a hallway for everyone I knew and everyone I'd have classes with and run into and walk past everyday to see.

(It should be noted that my subconscious was kind enough to give me a better than reality body in said photo.)

This dream happened in the few days after posting about the depression and in the moments after I woke up, one of my first thoughts was that maybe I was feeling a tad overexposed. I had let you all see through my proverbial curtains and there I was, naked without my sarcasm.

Except, difficult as it was to publish that post, I don't regret it in the least. The comments and emails I've gotten have been wonderful. That there are so many of you out there who have struggled or continue to struggle with depression is sad and awful. But for someone relatively new to this, it is also comforting to know that you're making it through it.

There are a lot of mean-spirited people out there on the internet who are bent on hurting people, but for whatever reason, none of them have found their way here. I've been writing Superfantastic for three years now and the little collection of people who have showed up here have been such a valuable addition to my life. It's always scary to put writing out there because people might not like it, but on those occasions when I am instead putting myself out there, it is nothing short of terrifying. Yet you never fail to come through with your kind words and support and total lack of internet awfulness.

So on this, Superfantastic's third birthday, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for being a part of my life.

Quirky is such a nice way of putting it

I've been tagged by Danielle over at Door of Second Chances for a meme wherein I'm required to tell you about six quirks that I have. Oh, just six? Let's see...

1. When I have to figure out whether I need to take a road east or west, I usually have to picture the entire United States in order to do it. Pathetic, I know.

2. I don't know if this is something I've always done, but I've noticed in the past few months that I tend to tuck the inside of my bottom lip between my top and bottom canine teeth on the right side. That, along with the stress-induced chewing on the inside of my mouth and a tendency to play with my bottom lip when deep in thought lead me to believe that, had I ever started, I would have been a very prolific smoker.

3. If I'm going to write very much in a birthday or other card, I will write it on my computer first. I want to get the wording of the whole thing right before I start writing willy nilly directly in the card in ink which is final and cannot be edited. I mentioned this to a writer friend of mine who said of course he does the same thing. Because what if you use a word in one sentence except you need it more in the next one but now you can't use it because you already wasted it? WHAT THEN?

4. I don't like to sit with my feet on the floor. I am typically curled up to some extent, whenever possible. This has included various office cubicle desk chairs, which is, you know, probably not technically considered very professional.

5. I had friends in high school who, if they asked you where something was, would phrase it, "If I were the _____, where would I be?" I still think the beginning part of this every time I look for something. Which means that I spend a fair amount of time thinking "If I were my phone..."

6. I don't like feet. I wouldn't even wear open-toed shoes until probably late high school. I'm impressed that some of you can just go and put your feet in the lap of a person who cares about you in order to get a foot rub. I could never do that, nor respond favorably to anyone doing such a thing to me. Keep your feet to yourself and I will do the same and we will get along just fine.

So there you have the first six of my quirks that popped into my head. The rules state that I must now tag six bloggers, but I have decided as I am wont to do, to ignore the rules and just tag all of you instead. Either leave your quirks in the comments or post on your own blog and leave the link in the comments. I'm looking forward to finding out just how odd you people are.

Pay no attention to the woman behind the internet persona curtain

It is possible that I misled the internet just a little bit yesterday with this tweet:

So what if I wore a tight tank top to the auto parts store? The point is, a helpful young employee kindly installed the blinker bulb for me.

Here come the really shocking parts: it was intentional and it was not the first time.

Let me explain. As I was driving to my sister and brother-in-law's house on Sunday, my right turn signal started doing that double-fast blinky thing indicating that a bulb was burned out. I will check and see which one it is when I get to their house, I told myself, then I will ask whether there is an auto parts store nearby. I had to signal a right turn mere yards from my sister's house, meaning that naturally I forgot all about it by the time I parked.

So I was going to go to the auto parts store by my house on Monday. But then Melissa asked me if I wanted to come to her apartment for pizza her treat. And I was hungry and my internet was out, so I made my way to Casa Fascinating posthaste without passing go and without, since it was pouring rain, stopping for a blinker bulb. I spent pretty much all day there, most of which we spent, I kid you not, ignoring each other entirely. I brought my computer and she had hers and, well, thanks to the ADD, we are not girls who multi-task well.

Finally, on Tuesday mid-foisting my resume on various school offices, I stopped for a bulb. A lot of times, the guys at auto parts stores will offer to help you out with that kind of stuff, but it was a girl helping me and she seemed very concerned with which employee was leaving when so she could take her break, so I paid and took my bulb home. I was pretty sure I could handle it anyway. I had helped my dad put one in a couple of years ago and once we figured out which phillips-head screw the manual meant we should remove, it hadn't been that difficult.

I got home, changed out of my Please Hire Me outfit, and got to work. First order of business: find the page number for changing a turn signal bulb in the index of my owner's manual. Second order of business: check all of the pages around that number to discover which page it's actually on since NONE OF THE PAGE NUMBERS MATCH UP. This has made me a little crazy over the course of the six years I've owned this car.

I found the page eventually and just went ahead and removed all three screws in the general area, as well as the plastic wing nut thingy inside the trunk. Then I spent a rather embarrassing amount of time trying to get the big red plastic thing to come off the car. You know, the thing I sort of cut off in this picture from that post about my couch.

But come off it finally did and I was left only with the last step: turn the light socket counterclockwise and then pull it straight out. Turn. Pull. Pull. Pull. Not budging. Pull. Pull. (Repeat for, you know, a long time.) Realize in current agitated state, I'm likely to break it if I continue. Quit.

So I put the big red plastic thing back in place and decided I'd go back to the auto parts store the next day to see if I couldn't get someone there to get the damn socket out for me. I changed out of the Please Hire Me clothes before going back on Wednesday and yes, I happened to put on a tank top, but as those of you in the San Antonio area know, it is hot as hell and twice as humid around here these days. My purple tank top and I went to the auto parts store (I'm not being coy here about the name of it. It's not Auto Zone. Beyond that, I can't tell you what it is.) where we were actively ignored by four auto part store employees for quite some time.

Finally, a different girl from the one who helped me the first time told me she could come out and look at it as soon as she made two more phone calls. I was comforted to see that she also struggled with it for quite some time before finally getting the damn thing out. I'd say that I loosened it for her but that would be an out and out lie.

Unlike that tweet, which contained no falsified information, merely misleading information. Sure, nobody offered to help me. I had to ask. And the helpful young employee was not a boy. And the tank top likely played no part whatsoever. But I think we can all agree that the most important thing is that my tweet got twenty favorites, putting me on the first page of the Favrd Leaderboard for that day.

Because to be honest, the internet is kind of propping up my self-esteem these days. Maybe I can't get a job, but invisible internet people think I'm funny. Probably I can't put that on my resume though. You think?

Well. This is awkward.

There's a new button over there, courtesy of my Blog Bitch Internet Presence Manager.  It says "Donate", but Typepad calls it a tip jar, which is how I am choosing to think of it.  I debated the relative tackiness of this for quite some time before deciding to go ahead and put it up.

The way I see it, it's like the guitar case a guy puts out when he plays on a street corner.  You can look at it either of two ways, both of which are completely valid.  Sometimes I see the guy and the case and think, "Hey, I didn't ask him to play.  He's doing it of his own free will so I don't need to give him money for it."  But then sometimes I think "I am enjoying that man's music and appreciate that he has played it.  I will throw a quarter in his case."

So, yeah.  Nobody asks me to write this stuff and post it on the internet and you're certainly under no obligation to pay just because you read it.  It's not, after all, your fault that I am an internet attention whore.  On the other hand, if you've enjoyed things you've read here and would like to throw a quarter in my proverbial guitar case, feel free. 

Bringing us back to tacky.  I don't want to make it sound like I think you should all feel sorry for poor little me and throw money at me.  I'm just affording you the opportunity, should throwing money at me be something you've been longing to do.  Although it's really too bad we couldn't all get together and have you throw actual change at me, because I'm sure all of the shrieking and covering of my face would make an entertaining spectacle for you all.

So.  Can we stop talking about this now?  Ok, great.

How about if I distract you with baby pictures? Yes?

See, there's this counter at my house, that when I lived here before was the niece and nephew counter. Both of my roommates had framed photos there of their nieces and nephews and I had none at the time to include. So upon arriving here, I had to find photos to put there so I could finally join in. These are the two that I chose.

Owen enjoys the pool:

This one of Allie previously appeared on Lisa's blog, but I think it bears repeating:

Ok, then. Uh...the end.

Damn it, Twitter

You're down?  But I've had a marginally amusing thought!  THE INTERNET MUST BE APPRISED.

Twitter has been having some problems lately, and has been down a lot.  Leading some people to bitch and moan and get worked up into an "I'm going to take my no money that I pay you for this free service and go home!" huff.  And leading other people to create a website about what to do when Twitter is down.  For example, "When Twitter is down, yell 'FAVORITE' at attractive strangers."

See, because when someone likes one of your tweets, they can click on a little star thing and make it one of their favorites.  Or, if you're comfortable with using favorite as a verb, they can favorite your tweet.  Then, perhaps your tweet will appear on Favrd and everyone can see how clever and witty you are.  Or maybe you'll just see your little picture under someone else's tweet that you favorited.  And then you might get excited about that and then realize that it's roughly the equivalent of being excited about having voted for the winning popular girl for homecoming queen.

But it's kind of ok, because these people are popular for a reason.  There are some truly hilarious people on Twitter and you get all of that hilarity for free. You know, when Twitter is working.

That's what I use it for anyway.  I only know a couple of the thirty-some people I follow (I'd tell you exactly how many, but I don't remember and I can't check since Twitter is currently down.)  Mostly I follow people on the basis of how funny I find them.  I found a lot of them initially by reading through the favorites of people I liked.  Then I found that Favrd basically did that for me.  Thank goodness I am now spared all of that work.

Some people use Twitter more for conversation.  I even saw one person say that if you're not replying to everyone you follow, you're doing it wrong.  I disagree, but I didn't reply to her to tell her that. 

Then you have someone like the CEO of Zappos who uses it for publicity.  I am fine with that and even follow him since he frequently gives away free shoes.  Although I do find it a bit discouraging that the Twitter account he started for his cat El Gato had, last I saw, over ten times as many followers as I do.

I know the whole Twitter thing is a strange concept to people who don't use it.  I didn't get it myself for quite some time.  On the same blog post with the "I want my no money back!" comments, there were people saying that it was stupid to think anyone would want to read a running commentary of your boring day.  True, that would be stupid.  Thank goodness there are plenty of people doing nothing of the sort.

I mean, yes, in theory you are supposed to be answering the question "What are you doing?" but nobody actually does that.  So you get to amuse the internet with non-sequiturs while openly flouting the rules.  It's the perfect place for people with a sharp wit and extremely lame rebellious streak.

My Twitter addiction will have to subside once I start teacher training and actual teaching, which will probably be about the same time that they get all of the kinks worked out.  In the meantime though, I'll continue to get far more than I pay for. 

And if I can't get into Twitter to post any particularly urgent comical thoughts or observations, well then, I guess there's still this little blog I have.

That Craig lets anybody on his list

On Saturday, my college friend Kristine was here to photograph my place and also generally hang out.  We were talking about her recent online dating experiences, which have been with a Christian dating site.  You'd think the guys would be nicer.  You would be wrong. 

Kristine wrote to one guy to ask if he was a musician.  He wrote back an extremely short answer, then took the time to write again, entirely unprompted, to tell her that he was only interested in women who are stunning.  She took the high road and didn't write back.  Whereas I would most likely have written back to say "How perfect.  I'm only interested in men who are shallow assholes.  What time are you picking me up?"

So we thought we'd look at Craig's List to see if the men of the greater Madison area might be more promising.  And...yikes.  Sure, there were a few guys who sounded potentially interesting, but for the most part, we found far more entertainment value than dating potential.

First, we have the many, MANY guys who specify "no drama, no games".  Right.  Here's the thing, boys: if you want to date women, there is going to be drama.  I like to think that I'm pretty much as low-drama as women come, but that still does not ensure any man in my life a completely drama-free relationship.  And secondly, boys of Craig's List, even under the best of circumstances, dating is a game.  It doesn't have to be a bad thing, as long as you find someone who plays fair.

Next we have two polar opposites.  There's the man of few words.  Maybe he tells you his age.  He's looking for a woman.  That's about as much as you're getting out of him.  Then we have the man with the uberspecific list of qualifications.  Must be between 26 and 27 1/2.  Must be "slim", "thin", "fit", "HWP", "BBW" or "takes care of theirself".  Must love baseball/fishing/biking/performance art/snowboarding/cooking/death metal/Kafka.  Must be family-oriented/want kids/not want kids/not have kids/understand that his kids come first in his life.  Must be sweet/generous/open/affectionate/smart/funny/independent/a free spirit/driven/religious/spiritual but not religious/not religious/420 friendly.  One guy specified "must run fast".  Another one wanted someone with no midwestern accent.  You live in Wisconsin, friend.  Yes, it is one of the unsexiest accents going, but you're going to have to either get used to it or move.

Then there's your embittered guy.  This guy can go one of two ways.  Either he's straightforward about it and just writes something about how there aren't any REAL women left and he's a gentleman just looking for a nice girl, but he guesses there aren't any left in Madison.  The other route is the deeply sarcastic "I'm looking for a drama queen to spend my money, never have sex, dump her kids on me, never cook dinner, lie, cheat, and then leave me.  Is that you?"  Oh, bitter guy.  Maybe take some time off from the internet dating.

I've saved a couple of specific postings for last.  Like this one:

seeking a woman age 20-27 who has some acquaintance with the work of pierre bourdieu, carl schmitt, alain badiou, yukio mishima etc. i know this implies a degree of effort in thought, so please, don't strain yourself.

it would also be nice if you are thin, as i am thin.

i haven't had much success meeting people who are actually interested in thinking, most people around here are more concerned with "finding themselves" or getting laid.

i'm pretty fashionable. pic for pic.

Capitalizing apparently requires a degree of effort that this guy isn't willing to strain himself with, even when it's going to good use, such as insulting his entire potential dating pool.  But don't worry, ladies, not only is he interested in thinking, he's also thin and fashionable.

Then there's this guy, who finds himself in Madison after a successful career in college and semi-pro basketball:

If you've got some game on the b-ball court, let's go one on one...loser (which will be you) buys the bottle of cheap or expensive wine and cooks or buys dinner. Deal?

What girl could resist an offer like that?  Forget helping Kristine, I am thinking of emailing him myself.  I just can't pass up the opportunity to play basketball against a guy who has no plans to go easy on me despite the fact that he has played (semi-)professionally and that I am a girl and THEN I can buy the wine and it's entirely up to me whether I want to make dinner myself or pay for it.  A lot of guys won't give you that option.  What a dove.

If you like what you read here, leave me a comment.  Serious replies only.  I'll only respond if you include a pic.  It would also be nice if you are stunning, as I am stunning.  And you're buying the wine.

What I've been doing tonight instead of packing

Inspired by these, I created my own pop culture chart just for you.  Even the most vigilant of coworker spies could not catch me using valuable work time to think up stuff like this.

   

The Internet: Not Just a Tool for Procrastination Anymore

I know there has been a lot of Woe. Misery. Despair. around here lately.  You, Internet, have been great with all of your comments and good wishes.  In fact, I have been surprised overall at how this whole "sharing my life with the Internet" thing has been such an overwhelmingly positive experience over the past few years.

One of the most surprising parts for me has been the friendships I have made with other blog people who I've never met in real life.  They are people I have genuinely celebrated with and been sad and concerned for and also mailed photos of myself wearing baby bibs and hats in the aisles of Target under the guise of "congratulations on your pregnancy care package".

The lucky recipient of those rather disturbing photos (also featuring Melissa) was my blog friend Emily of Not That You Asked.  Now Emily is asking for our help on behalf of her real life friends, who are facing something so difficult that I cannot even fathom it.  Their little girl has cancer.  As terrible as that would be all on its own, there are extenuating circumstances that make it financially difficult as well.

You all have been so incredibly kind to me that I wanted to at least pass this along and give you the opportunity to help out.  You can follow the link here to read the story, leave a comment and/or make a donation on Emily's blog.

Thanks, Internet.  And fair warning: perspective gained on the relative smallness of my current problems notwithstanding, it doesn't look good for things to get chipper around here anytime soon.  Then again, if you were looking for chipper, what would you be doing here?

New Toy*

Twitter.  Which isn't really new at all, is it?

I signed up recently just to follow people.  I was not going to participate.  Because I have enough trouble coming up with stuff to post on one site.  If I start using what ideas I do have somewhere else, things will get even more desperate over here.

But then I started thinking about all of those funny thoughts I have that never turn into posts because there's just not enough there.  And God forbid I should ever think or hear anything remotely amusing and not immediately share it with the Internet.

So if you want to follow me, you can go here.

I can't make any promises about how long I'll stick with it, but I wasn't sure about blogging either, and yet here we all are two and a half years later.  Which means that I've had the same website for over twice as long as I've had any address since high school.  Interesting.

*I was going to call this post Something Shiny! but then I realized that I already used that title quite a long time ago.  Which means that I forgot that I had previously used a phrase that is used to convey that a person is distractible and absent-minded.  Imagine that.

I really should have asked you for novel plot ideas instead of post ideas

Because today is November first and I have to start writing a novel and I...am still not sure what I'm writing about.  Oh, and with totally predictable timing, I finally got a temp job as of yesterday.  Doing data entry, so that unlike last year, I am not able to write all day at work.  Perfect.  (Not that I am complaining about finally getting some work.  The ability to pay one's rent is in no way overrated.)

But we're not here to talk about my novel (or lack thereof).  We're here to finish up the four part series Your Questions...Answered!  So without further tangents, Laughing Mouse starts us out:

And, I add to the pet peeve grammar thing ... pet peeve drivers. Kelly and I've decided that drivers in Wisconsin ... well, Janesville really, are ALL MORONS. Your thoughts??

Oh, AND, do you think "global warming has taken over the world" and we're in for another mild winter here in WI or are you more of a "well, we've had it easy, so we're in for it this year" gal who thinks we're going to get SLAMMED?

First, it is my experience that drivers everywhere are terrible.  Other drivers, I mean.  Not me.  Or you.  Everybody else.  Including the motorcycle cop I nearly ran over today.  In his defense, he was in pursuit of someone in a white Cadillac, but he still came out of nowhere and zoomed into the lane next to me just as I was about to get into that lane.  I had my blinker on and everything.  Scared the hell out of me.  I wouldn't want to run over anybody, but especially not a police officer.  They send you to the big house for that.

Second, what is this "winter" that you speak of?  I believe the next season is called Christmas.  And after Christmas season, we have spring.  LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU IT WON'T GET ANY COLDER IF I JUST COMPLETELY REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS COMING LA LA LAAAAAAAAA.

Back to One Smart Cookie who asked, based on my reference to my dinner of vegetarian vegetable soup, whether I am a vegetarian.  Well, no.  I don't eat much meat at home, but this is mostly because with meat, you pretty much have to cook.  But I do eat plenty of meat cooked by other people when I go out to restaurants.  The reason for the vegetable soup was my aversion to soup meat.  See, I have texture issues with food.  And meat that is in soup tends to have a texture that makes me gag, so I wind up picking all of the chicken out of my chicken noodle soup before I can eat it.  If they made chickenless chicken noodle soup, I would buy that.  But the texture thing isn't all bad news.  Texture is a large part of my love for applesauce, pears, strawberries, tomatoes, good gnocci, cous cous, puffy Cheetos, string cheese, pudding, and Kit Kats.  Oh, and frosting, provided it is not that whipped cream crap, which is not so much frosting as it is whipped cream applied to cake.  Sick and wrong.

Finally, Holly Rose brought up a humorous job application that I once wrote as an exercise in procrastination.  This is a real time saver for me since I can just refer everyone back to this post where I already wrote about that.  Gosh, Holly, you think just because you've been busy over the past two years getting married, raising an energetic child, and taming wild animals teaching middle schoolers, that you're off the hook for not having the archives of this blog committed to memory?  I suppose I'll let it slide this time since it does allow me to get to bed that much earlier.  What?  I have to WORK tomorrow.  But please to head over to my job application and feel free to leave your answers in the comments here.  Even if you already did it.  Maybe you've changed your mind.

And with that, we conclude The Week of Using You to Generate Blog Material.  Thanks for playing!

Part three in what I can apparently parlay into a four part series

Dave had a rather interesting scenario for me:

If you were called upon, Noah-like, to care for two animals of every known species, which would have the best survival rate in your home? Which would you spend the most time with? Which would require the most attention? Which would need to be separated from each other? Etc. Assume space is not an issue since you have ample warning to get that home improvement loan and build to suit your needs.

Wow.  Well, uh, I guess the cute and fuzzy animals would have the best survival rate if I were in charge since they would certainly be my priority.  Particularly really adorable animals such as teacup pigs:

They're like pursedogs, but pigs instead!  I would definitely be keeping these away from all of the carnivores in the house.

I'm not sure I could successfully force myself to keep two of every insect alive in my home.  To that end, I know I should separate animals like geckos and roaches, bats and mosquitoes, but I don't see myself doing that.  Good riddance, creepy crawlies!  I know, I know, food chain and all of that, but Dave said this is my house and I won't have two of every bug in it!

Next up, Sharon, with this request:

Maybe it's just me, but I would love to hear you do more political commentary. Maybe an IR Brief/Wrap every once in a while.

I don't have a political rant in me at the moment, so I thought I'd go ahead and tell you what in heck Sharon is talking about here.  See, I know Sharon from when we were both civic educators back in DC.  We would take our students to various seminars throughout the week, which included International Relations (IR) as well as Judicial, Media, and a Domestic Issues Debate.  One of the responsibilities of the instructors was to do a briefing before the seminar and a wrap afterward, in which the students would be prepared and debriefed, respectively.  This involved leading a discussion or activity in front of up to 200 high school students and there was no getting out of doing them on a regular basis.  Which is why, to this day, I am comfortable in front of as many students as you can find for me to speak to, but still completely seize up in front of only a handful of adults.  I was also able to finely hone my skill for BS as a result of this responsibility.  You try coming up with an interesting activity to engage a bunch of teenagers in judicial issues.  Oh, and you have no idea what the speaker will actually be talking about, but somehow you have to tie in your briefing and what the speaker said during your wrap activity/discussion.  It's six degrees of legislation.

And finally, we get to Madison Friend Katie and her grammar query:

I would really like to know some of your (poor) grammar pet peeves. I know you have them. Maybe you’ve already talked about them on this blog, but if you haven’t, I'd love to hear them. I’ll get you started with mine. Maybe they’re not so much grammar pet peeves as words and phrases that make me cringe when used improperly.

1. The word utilized. It’s used (utilized?) and misused (see what I mean?) way too often. And quite frankly, I think people just use it to try to sound smarter. Please, just use “use”.

2. Facilitated. Maybe I’ve been reading too many resumes lately, but how often do you actually facilitate something? Chances are you led something, you hosted something, you organized something, or a group you belong to sponsored something. Saturday night’s hypnotist is not being facilitated by the student activities committee. It is being sponsored by the student activities committee. They are paying for the hypnotist. They are not making him easier.

3. The phrase “At the end of the day”. If you’re really talking about something that will occur shortly before the day is over, then you have my permission to use this phrase. If you’re using the phrase to summarize a thought similar to “when all is said and done,” please don’t. It’s way too over-used (over-utilized??). I trace its origins back to the first season of The Apprentice. If that show ever airs again, would you like to play a drinking game with me? We’ll take turns drinking any time someone uses the phrase. And at the end of the night, I guarantee that we'll be drunk:)

Well, Katie, I have indeed previously discussed my grammar pet peeves, as have a number of other folks around here.  They share your disdain for the overuse of the word utilize.  I have to say, it never occurred to me to be bothered by this until everybody brought it up. Not to worry though, there are always more grammar pet peeves to be discussed.

One thing that routinely gets under my skin is the use of 's to indicate a plural.  Folks, if it's more than one, it's just s.  Or es.  But no apostrophe!  NO NO NO.  This is particularly common when people are talking about couples or families using last names.  My family, for example, is the Grahams.  Not the Graham's.  Writing the Graham's indicates that one of us is THE Graham and that something belongs to him or her.  But no, we are plural.  Add an s.  Unless your last name already ends with an s, in which case, add es.  It's that easy!

A second pet peeve concerns the misuse of the word myself.  This commonly happens in a sentence like "Brett Favre and myself led the Packers to a win against the Broncos."  No.  I.  Brett Favre and I.  Myself could be properly used in a sentence like "I was proud of myself for staying awake for the entire game, thus enabling the Packers to win."  See how in that sentence, there is a reference to I followed by a reference to myself?  This is the key, people!  Brett Favre outdid himself.  Ann Coulter made an ass of herself.  You are currently giving yourself permission to quit reading this boring grammar lesson.  There's a pattern there.

Ok, then.  I'll stop at just two grammar-related pet peeves.  For now.  (You, however, are free to leave as many as you'd like in the comments.  I promise to share in your outrage, because I am just that geeky.  If TLC ever started a show called How Not to Butcher the English Language, I could be Stacy to your Clinton.)

Tomorrow, we'll round out the week of me not having to come up with my own topics by addressing bad drivers, winter, my suspected vegetarianism, and a particularly egregious example of my gift for procrastination.  Won't you join us?

Oh, and Happy Halloween!  I'm dressed up as Girl Still in Her Pajamas.  Clever, right?  Now gimme some candy!

Continued

Let's see, where did I leave off?  Oh yes, our next post idea comes from Gary, who said:

How about a fantasy write? I've often wonder what it would be like to visit the castles of Scotland or what a typical day for you would be like - as president - in the White House.

Hmmm...me in the White House.  I imagine my day would include a lot of people telling me why all of my liberal do-gooder ideas are too expensive and impractical and will never get me re-elected.  And that I really need to begin taking a leadership role in something that isn't education, health care, or other social policy.  Someone would attempt to explain economics to me.  Unfortunately, I would glaze over roughly one minute into this and still not learn anything about it.  This would be a real liability, I imagine.  The press corps would make fun of my hair.  I would drive my speechwriters insane, wanting to do their job instead of my own.  And that whole throwing out the first pitch in a baseball game thing would be a total non-starter.  Eventually, I would resign.  My Vice President would be doing the real work of running the country anyway.  Let her have all of the stress and decision-making.  I'd just want to write the State of the Union and go to the Christmas party.

Next up, we have Emily:

Dude, I'm always game for someone's most embarrassing moment. Although the best ones were always the ones about tampons in Seventeen magazine. Do you know what I'm talking about? That page devoted to the trauma of adolescence?

First of all, yes, I am familiar with Seventeen's page o' tampon horrors.  Thankfully, I have none of those stories for you. I do, however, have numerous tales of my own embarrassment.  Alan has oh so sweetly referenced one of these in my comments.  Except this one goes past embarrassment straight on through to extreme humiliation and you will therefore only get an abridged version of the story.  And he will be getting a lot more of my cooking.  (Read: Lori's cooking = punishment.)

MOM: PLEASE SKIP THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH.

Here's what happened.  We went to Minnesota to visit his friends.  There was a small party the first night we were there.  You know how I asked you that one time whether at a party it was better to be the socially crippled girl or the really drunk girl?  Well.  The thing was, I was doing ok socially and did not even feel the need to be the really drunk girl.  But when Alan asked me what I wanted to drink and I said I'd have what he was having, except less strong, I did not realize that he was not so much drinking vodka and cranberry juice as Grey Goose with the faintest hint of cranberry.  So the less strong version he made for me was Grey Goose with a splash of cranberry.  I think I had three of those.  Oversharing ensued.  With my fairly new boyfriend's best friends whom I had just met a few hours before.  Also vomiting.  So much vomiting.

And that's really all I'm telling you about that.

Moving right along.  Diane asked some questions.  First, she wants to know what's getting on my nerves these days.  I will never stop having new answers to this question.  What immediately comes to mind is Japanese beetles.  Do you know about these?  They look like ladybugs, but they bite.  And when they get into your apartment, they fling themselves repeatedly against your walls and ceiling making a clacking noise that will make you a little bit crazy.  Also, there are these commercials where Sentry grocery stores claim to be "The Freshperts".  Doesn't the word freshpert sound vaguely creepy to you?  If someone called me a freshpert, I would take that an an insult.  And there are always the bikers.  They're in my way on the road.  They're nearly running me down on the sidewalk.  PICK A PLACE, BIKERS. 

Diane also asked if I have any plans for Halloween.  That would be no, unless by "plans for Halloween" she means buying and consuming an entire bag of Halloween-portioned Peanut Butter M&Ms followed by an entire bag of fun sized Baby Ruths.  Her final question concerned my peanut butter preference.  Well, Diane, when it is not in M&M form, I prefer my peanut butter to be crunchy.  And smeared on Granny Smith apple slices.  Or on a sandwich with blackberry jam.

Coming tomorrow: Me as Noah!  An IR Brief/Wrap explained!  Grammar-related pet peeves!  Oh boy!

Your Questions...Answered! (Vol. 1)

Thank you, Internet, for all of you responses to my request for questions and topics.  It's a good thing that you came through because I'm back to having nothing much to say.  But thanks to you, a post!

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?  It is, after all, a very good place to start.  That's what I hear anyway.

Kicking things off was One Smart Cookie, who asked for photos of my neighborhood, shoe collection, and/or what I made for dinner.  Sadly, I am unable to comply with this request since my camera is busted.  I don't think the can of vegetarian vegetable soup that I "made" for dinner would have been so photogenic anyway, alphabet shaped noodles or no.  My neighborhood and shoes on the other hand...lovely, lovely, lovely.  Ooh, I know!  You can look at a photo of my beautiful new shoes here!  I am a problem solver.  Do you think I can use this as an example in a job interview?

Next up, we have Kara.  She commented:

So, I'm a complete stranger to you and it's absolutely none of my business. . .but since you asked. . .is it my imagination or have there been a couple of references to A Boy in the recent past? Anything interesting happening in that department? If it's not good, you can email me to simply say "not good" and I'll go ahead and slam my foot in the door or something, to make up for any pain the question might cause you.

Well, Kara, there is no need for self-inflicted pain of any kind.  Yes, there is A Boy.  We are still together.  I think this is in large part due to the many important things we have in common.  For instance, we do not believe that entree food items should be sweet.  Pad Thai?  No thanks.  And ham?  Should be salty.  We also are both rather grossed out by feet.  We saw footage on The Soup this weekend of I Love New York 2 where some guy was sucking New York's toes.  We both nearly vomited.  It's true what they say about the importance of shared values in a relationship.

Next!  Amy had three questions/requests.  A) Why are you so darn cute?  I think it mostly has to do with the pink bows that I am always wearing in my pigtails.   B) Why do you live so far away?  I don't live far away.  I live right here.  You, however, live far away from here.  C) Some older pictures that I haven't yet used here.  Let's see...nope, no old photos, but I do have this NEW one.

Raise your hand if you didn't see that coming.  Is there any post into which I cannot work a photo of my nephew?  It sure doesn't look that way.

Tune in tomorrow for even more audience participation.  Kicking yourself for not yet contributing a question or topic idea?  There continues to still be time!  Come on, all of the cool kids are doing it.  The first one's free.  And...uh...the chicks dig it.

It's a blog post about blogs. How original.

Carolie tagged me for a meme recently which basically seems to be about pointing out your pet peeves about blogs.  I've been thinking about this and having a hard time because if something irritates me about a blog, I tend to stop reading it.  Yes, there are some things that are irritating and common to a lot of blogs, but I'm unqualified to throw stones in these areas:

• Not posting often enough.
• Conversely, posting boring and/or poorly-written stuff just to be posting regularly.
• Blatant abuse of caps lock and sarcastic exclamation points.
• Putting up photos in order to get out of having to really write things.
• Using bulleted or numbered lists in order to create the illusion of more content.
• Excessive use of parenthesis.
• Begging for comments.

Guilty!  I do not, however, write my posts as if I were writing a text message.  Or, as if someone else were writing a text message I should say, since my texts conform to all laws of the English language, including capitalization and punctuation.  I don't know how the rest of you can stand to do it any other way.  Anyway, I wouldn't read a blog that was written as if it were a non-geeky person's text message.  I don't tend to have the patience for blogs with imperfect grammar, unless you are Melissa and are therefore hilarious anyway.

Mostly, I tend to choose the blogs I read on the basis of how funny/compelling/thought-provoking they are.   Good writing gets me every time.  I haven't spent the time that I ought to looking for new blogs because I know there's a lot of great stuff out there, but there are just so many choices and honestly, WHERE TO START?  As with so many things in life, I am overwhelmed and subsequently paralyzed by indecision.

So I was thinking about all of that stuff, and then I came across this event via Nothing But Bonfires.

Aaaand we're back to begging for comments.  Over on the blog that I swiped the button from, there was a whole discussion going on in the comments about why people do or do not comment.  Some people said they've stopped commenting because they don't get a response to their comments.  This surprised me.

I'm not looking for a response from a blogger when I leave a comment and thus had not realized that this was an expectation that people have.  Sometimes I respond to people's comments, but not that often and honestly, sometimes I think about responding or even begin to and then talk myself out of it because really, how many people want an email from me saying "HA! Good one!"?  So I guess if this is something you're looking for or that you feel is lacking here, let me know.  I do always go and check out the blogs of everyone who comments, if that helps.

Apparently The Great Mofo Delurk came out of a general sense that people are commenting less these days.  I can't say that's been the case around here recently.  Things have been pretty steady, both visit-wise and comment-wise.  Not to say that these numbers are at all close.  Lots and lots of you are reading but not commenting.  LOTS.  Lurkers on every continent!  (Except Antarctica, obviously, but if you know a scientist there and could pass along the URL so I could get one hit from the final remaining continent, I would be far too excited about that.)

Now, I'm something of a hypocrite on this issue.  I comment regularly on a few blogs, but I regularly read quite a few more.  I lurk for the same reason that most lurkers do.  I don't always feel like I have something sufficiently witty or different to contribute.  Or sometimes I am just lazy.

But the truth is, comments are one of the primary reasons why we bloggers write.  If I just wanted a place to record my thoughts or write through what I'm thinking and feeling, I'd write in a spiral notebook.  I want people to read what I write.  And if they want to respond to it too, all the better. 

(See how I made that sound all casual-like?  As if comments did not constitute the entire basis of my self-esteem?) 

(Wait, you understand that the above statement was hyperbole, right?  Because I could foresee some comments about the wrongness of finding one's worth through blog comments, which is really not necessary, thanks.)

Anyway, delurking would be nice.  I promise to respond if that's something that you'd want me to do.  And everyone, lurkers and regular commenters alike, should weigh in on the above topics.  I'm curious.  Meanwhile, in the spirit of not being a big fat hypocrite, I've got some commenting to do elsewhere.

TA-DAAAAAA!!!

How do you like me now, Internet? If you’re reading through Bloglines or something, click on through, because it has suddenly gotten very stylish around here.

What we have here is of course Birthday Present #3, a total site redesign. You’re understanding more now how I managed to be so ok with turning 30, aren’t you? If there are presents this good to be had, who wouldn’t want to turn 30?

I tell you what, Alan is one handy guy to have around. In addition to the obvious web design skills, he also possesses IT skills (my wireless router hooked up in roughly 1/1000^th the time it would have taken me), automotive skills (checking…you know…car stuff and also duct taping parts to my car as needed) (I wish I were making that last part up), and handyman skills (assembling and fixing furniture, figuring out how to install my window AC unit in my new crank windows – if this had been left up to me, it would have just been very warm in here for a month now).

I’m certainly not one of those girls who has always had a boyfriend. In fact, the word “rarely” comes to mind. So I suppose it’s possible that this is the standard having-a-guy-around experience, but I don’t think so. I think I hit the jackpot here.

I guess we all did, seeing as how we’re all now benefiting from the man’s skills. Can you believe that we lived with that boring old template for two entire years? Thank goodness that’s over now.

And we have features! Things are all kinds of pretty and user-friendly and sort of moved around. Go ahead, poke around a little. Get a feel for the new place.

You should also feel free to leave a comment telling Alan how brilliant and talented he is.

Oh, and don’t worry. The design may be professional, but the content will remain sophomoric as always.

Insert tired "you like me!" joke here.

Internet, I won something!  And no, I am not referring to the many notifications of various fabulous winnings (just give us your credit card info and social security number!) that I receive daily in my email.  I mean I won an Internet award!  For doing something stupid and then telling you about it!

Masked Mom picked me for her Perfect Post award for June for my post about my couch.  I thanked her and said that it was nice that my idiocy could help anyone out, even if it were only in the form of amusement.  This makes me especially happy, given that I have enough of these posts to create an entire category called I do stupid things.  Because when I do stupid things, my first impulse is to tell no one.  This is followed immediately by the realization that of course I must post it here.  I am nothing if not a clown for the Internet's entertainment.

Also, I am just generally that hard up for material.  I swear, I can't trip on the sidewalk without thinking, "Finally, something to write about!"  So on that note, I would also like to thank Masked Mom most heartily for giving me a topic for this post.  Because I really had nothing at all of interest to say today, and then I got her email.  So if you like new posts, you should thank her too.

Seriously, it's like crack to me.

Things I have learned from my Craig's List addiction:

-It is really amazing to me how many people have Awesome! roommates.  Almost every person who is attempting to sublet his or her room in a house or apartment has awesome roommates!  Occasionally they are merely easygoing, laid back, or never home, but mostly they are awesome.

-Sometimes by "junior 1 bedroom" a person actually means "studio apartment with the bed in the closet".  Seriously.  UNDER HER CLOTHES.

-Apparently, nobody finds it odd to list FREE HEAT! as an amenity in a summer sublet.  I find it odd, don't you?

-I am a floor snob.  Carpet, shmarpet.  If it's not all hardwoods, I don't want to live there.

-There are an astonishing number of harvest gold and avacado-colored appliances still in use in apartments.

-Lots of people are clearly in too much of a hurry to get rid of their stuff (Everything Must Go!) to bother checking their spelling.  Armoire, chenille, and parquet are particularly troubling.  Craig's List posters are no francophiles.

And now, for your reference, a Craig's List furniture listing dictionary:

vintage = old

funky = painted it myself

modern = plastic

Ikea = Ikea

Ikea-like = cardboard

scratch = gash

worn = the dog chewed on/peed all over

great = ugly

comfy = fugly

large = the size of a standard elephant

Confidential to Austin people: Hi!  If a third Target desk that matches my Target coffee table shows up on Craig's List, could you please not buy this one before I see it?  Thanks!

You're it. No tag-backs.

Tracy tagged me for this meme, which, because I have no other ideas of what to write, I am completing in a (somewhat) timely manner.  The meme involves listing seven songs that you are into right now.  Let us bear in mind that the fact that I live in Austin should not be interpreted to mean that I have my finger on the pulse of the indie music scene.  Quite the contrary.  Pretty much the only time I have right now to listen to music is when I'm in my car driving to or from one job or another, so mostly I listen to whatever is on the radio (which is almost always something by The Fray).  Particularly since I took my CD case inside a few weeks back because it still had Christmas CDs in it and I have neglected to ever switch them and put it back in the car.  So it's been either the radio or No Name Face by Lifehouse for quite some time.  Disclaimer ended.

1. Superstition by Stevie Wonder - Not only is this one of my all-time favorite songs, but it is also now my ring tone.  Meaning that I don't really want to answer the phone when it rings.

2. Everlong by the Foo Fighters - Tracy, you were so right.  This song not only holds up, it seems to get better all the time.   There was a time when this was not even my favorite Foo Fighters song.  Then I came to my senses.

3. You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles - I have always loved this song, and have had it in my head on and off for the past couple of weeks since I finally got around to watching Ray.

4. It's Alright by Third Day - I fell a little bit in love with this song when I ripped it from my sister's CD legally purchased the CD and put it on my crappy old mp3 player before I went to Europe.

5. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol - I know.  It's trendy and all, but how am I not going to like a song that advocates both wasting time and just laying here?

6. Fade into You by Mazzy Star - This song is on fairly continuous radio play around here.  Which is weird, but fine by me.

7. Nothing on but the Radio by Gary Allan - Yes, country.  What can I say?  I'm eclectic.

And now, I tag all of you.  You can post on your blog and leave the link in the comments or just put your answer in a comment.  There are, as ever, no actual rules around here, so do seven, do more or less...whatever.  Totally up to you.

Just a few links. For you!

I thought that Joe Mathlete Explains Marmaduke was pretty hilarious.  Then I clicked over to Joe Mathlete Will Draw Anything You Ask Him To and nearly peed my pants (and by extension, my desk chair.)  Go there - you'll thank me.  You can do so in the comments or by email.  Or call me if you are one of the privileged few with that option available to you.  I am sorry to tell you that if you do not find this funny, we can no longer be friends/relatives/associates/Internet strangers.  Well, ok, we can still be strangers.

And because misery loves company, MY EYES!  (Not for the faint of heart.)  You probably won't want to thank me for that one, but if you feel the need to cuss me out over it, please do so via email or telephone.  My mom reads this.

Yet another post in which I go ahead and tell you something embarrassing that I swore I wouldn't tell the Internet.

Here's a movie line (from Notting Hill) that I didn't include in that other post, but which was stuck in my head Saturday morning as I prepared to go to the open house to meet Amy:

This is one of those key moments in life when it's possible to be really, genuinely cool and I'm going to fail just a hundred percent! 

I wouldn't say that I failed a hundred percent.  Maybe only 25%.  Read on, dear Internet, and you make the call.

Melissa showed up at my house around 11:00 dressed casually and yet bearing cute tops and heels.  She changed into one of these and, after inspecting my closet and finding nothing acceptable there, gave me her other top to wear.  She told me to wear this with jeans and pointy-toed heels.  I obeyed because I am fashion-impaired.  Then, after hair and make-up and a stop at the liquor store for Grey Goose and juice, we were off!

Melissa's navigation system, Bianca, led us to Jennifer's house.  Where we saw people sitting outside.  Casually-dressed people.  Realizing that we were way overdressed, we drove right on past and started heading back toward my house to change.  Except Jennifer lives far north of me, and I-35, a.k.a. The Vortex of Traffic Doom, was packed even on a Saturday afternoon.  It was nearing 1:00 and the party was scheduled to last until 2:00.  What to do?

Target, as usual, came to the rescue. 

Bianca found us a Target nearby and Melissa dropped me off at the door and then went to park and change in her car into her casual clothes.  I made for the shoes to pick up some flip flops before realizing that the jeans that fit with the four inch heels were clearly just not going to work out with flip flops.  I called Melissa who came in and started grabbing things off racks and tossing them at me so that mere minutes later I had a cute and casual new skirt and t-shirt, flip flops that Melissa grabbed while I was in the fitting room, and a new bra since the pink one I had on, showing through my new white shirt, was not going to make the statement I was hoping for.  I changed in the car and we were off!  Again!

Yes, Internet, I bought a whole new outfit because mine was ALL WRONG.  And I really wasn't going to tell you that.

Ok, so we arrived at Jennifer's once again and people were no longer outside, but this time we took the extraordinary step of parking the car, getting out, and actually going into the house.  Once inside, we met Jennifer, who was hosting and whose house is completely adorable.  And then we met Amy herself.  My first impression: she is teeny tiny.  And then we started talking and Heather B. you could not have been more correct in your comment on Melissa's post.  Which, for you lazy asses who can't be troubled to click on the link said, among other things:

She'll be one of the sweetest, least intimidating people that you will ever meet. I promise. And she's fun and funny and she actually is that pretty in real life.

All true.  She was so not indimidating, in fact, that I even spoke some actual words, not merely in her presence but directly to her.  We conversed, people.  (This should not imply that I didn't spend 90% of the time sitting mutely while other people talked.  I'm just saying that it wasn't the 100% that I had been anticipating.)  And she did not seem freaked out at all by all of the Internet fan-people, although she did admit to wondering whether it would be awkward, what with it being a party full of socially maladjusted Internet people.  (She was including herself in there - that sounded mean otherwise, didn't it?)  And she let us take pictures so we could post them on our blogs with long and drooly posts.  AND she said we should totally email her because we're, like, her people now.  How sweet is that?

Really, Lori?  You could buy a new outfit but not bother to de-frizz your hair? 

Oh, and there were other nice people there too!  Including Lisa, who really did bring tie-dyed pound cake (mmmm...) and jalepeno lemonade (right, as if I am not way too wussy to try that) and who told me that I look like Amy.  Which, while not true at all, was still one of the nicest things anyone has said to me in a good long while.

And today I am again wearing my new Target shirt which I now realize that you can sort of see down.  Awesome.

In which I shamelessly rip off your ideas.

So, some of you actually told me things you'd like me to write about and/or things you do or do not like in a blog.  Some of these I am sorry to tell you I cannot do.  Jennifer says she likes "I write about my feelings" blogs.  Sorry, Jennifer.  We here at Superfantastic have no feelings that we are aware of and certainly not any that we are willing to acknowledge in front of people.  You'll have to go elsewhere for any of that touchy feely hoo-ha.

But One Smart Cookie asked about Texas.  And there are things to say about Texas.  I have lived here for three years now and it still freaks me out every once in a while when I find myself thinking I live in Texas!  How did this happen?  Pretty shortly after I moved here, a twenty-something Texas native told me that she believed in all seriousness that everyone not from Texas wished they were from Texas.  Yikes.  With the possible exception of New Yorkers, you will never find a people so proud of where they're from as Texans.  Growing up, my sister and I had a theory that there was a law on the books here requiring each household to display at least one decorative item in the shape of Texas.  (Amy and I are in flagrant violation of this law.  Don't tell.)

As far as the Everything's Bigger in Texas, this is in many cases true.  Cars are bigger in Texas.  Because mostly they are trucks and SUVs.  People are bigger in Texas, except in Austin where everyone runs or bikes or plays with dogs or runs along side their dogs as they bike or whatever.  Even dogs are bigger in Texas.  Dogs are so big here that in Texas, these are considered purse dogs:

 

(See how I even cleverly worked in the puppy pictures that you asked for?)

BREAKING NEWS: We interrupt this post to bring you coverage of:

(Graphic courtesy of KXAN)  Winter is not bigger in Texas.  This year, winter looks primed to last almost five days.  Winter freak out though, is HUGE in Texas!  Not quite so funny this year since the entire Austin area having turned into one solid sheet of ice is in fact a real problem, worthy of closing schools and even giving me the afternoon off yesterday and the entire day off today and tomorrow morning as well.  Amy and I were just laughing at the news though when they reported that the wind chill was 19, "too cold for playing outside!"  Right.  I'm pretty sure we played outside anytime it was above zero.  But, unlike Austin's children, we had the snowsuits for it.  We did not go outside and play today, but I did brave the 19 degree weather to take some pictures.

Snow!

And finally, Diane asked about pet peeves.  I do have one or two of these.  Some I covered in this post, but I'm pretty sure I can come up with more.  Seeing as how I recently mentioned Incessantly Humming Coworker, I may as well mention that people humming, whistling, or singing something that in no way resembles any sort of actual song makes me a little crazy.  As do tags in the sides of shirts (at the collar or not at all, clothing manufacturers!), drivers who pass you only to cut you off and then slow down, and the concept of skinny jeans.  We're going back to tapered ankles?  Why?  And on a grammatical note (what, you didn't see that coming?) we have my current least favorites, "these ones", "those ones", and "the girl that..."  Girls are people.  A person is a who, not a that.  Yes, it's nitpicky.  And it bothers me.

I think that pretty well covers your requests, except for more job misadventures and it looks like there won't be any more of those until at least noon tomorrow.   Weather permitting.

Fashionably Late. Oh heck, who am I kidding, just late.

So apparently it is National Delurking Week.  I am hopping right on this for the entire last two days.  Which is more than you got last year, so don't come crying to me with your "why are you such a huge procrastinator, Lori?" business.

In order to avoid a pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease comment type of post, I thought a short survey was in order.  This way, you don't even have to BE a lurker in order to comment.  But if you are a lurker, you are REQUIRED to comment.  Or else I'll...continue to wonder why so many of you lurk.  Ok, clearly I have no real authority here.  But if you don't comment and I find out who you are, I will absolutely give you my sternest teacher face.

On to business:

1. If you didn't already know me before I started this blog, then how the heck did you get here in the first place?  (If you are new as a result of Emily's link, welcome!  And sheesh, Emily, the stats!  Thanks for not forgetting us little people now that you are a huge Internet rock star.)
2. What would you like to see more of here?
3. What would you like to see less of here?  (For example, photos of me first thing in the morning - what on earth was I thinking?)
4. Do you feel that I need to put up a new official photo now that I have much, much less hair?
5. Are there any topics that you feel are needing the Superfantastic treatment?  (This should not be seen as a desperate ploy for post ideas since I have one entire post after this one all planned!  Which is WAY ahead of usual.)
6. What, in your opinion, makes a good blog good or a bad blog bad?
7. Anything else you want to tell me about you, your reading of this blog or blogs in general, your excuses for being a lurker, your motivation for commenting, or really anything else?

Google me this

I started using gmail sort of recently and ever since then I have been fascinated by the Google Ads.  It chooses them based on your email conversation and in many cases, they make perfect sense.  For example, the most recent conversation between my sister and me comes with ads for shoes.  I didn't read back through to see where that comes from, but it doesn't surprise me.  I was also offered, next to an email containing political content, the opportunity to get Ann Coulter's column emailed to me every week!  For free!  Tempting, but no.  Or I could buy Why Mommy is a Democrat, The book the George W. Bush doesn't want your child to read!  Yeah, I bet the President has put a lot of thought into what your child shouldn't read.  Probably he doesn't recommend Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad War in Iraq either.

Sometimes though, it is hard to get a handle on what Google Ads is thinking.  Such as the time they offered Katie and me ads for romantic mountain cabin rentals.  This seemed rather presumptuous of Google Ads, assuming that we were more than just good friends.  FYI, Google Ads, we're not each other's type.  Not that there would be anything wrong with that.

Most recently, I have been getting an ad for your1love.com at the top of my gmail.  The funny thing about this is that it is always preceded by some word or phrase that changes.  Again, sometimes these make sense:

Romance: your1love.com - we can predict the name of your true love

Love Poems: your1love.com - we can predict the name of your true love

But sometimes, not so much.  Actually the first time I saw this ad, it looked like this:

If they are a virgin: your1love.com - we can predict the name of your true love

Huh.  So I guess if your true love is no longer a virgin, you are out of luck.  You can still pay $9.95 a month to get a name texted to you (Why every month, your1love?  If this is my true love, shouldn't I just need the one name?) but I suppose you'll never know whether it is your real true love or if that person's name can't appear since he or she is no longer a virgin.  Tricky.  But still totally worth the ten bucks a month, don't you think?

But that's not all.  My favorite occurrence looked like this:

Death: your1love.com - we can predict the name of your true love

Umm...on second thought, I think I'm going to pass.  Because while we all know that death cannot stop true love (all it can do is delay it a while) it hardly seems worth the $9.95.  Thanks for the offer though, Google Ads! 

Also, did you guys know that there is now less than one week before Christmas?  Despite the holiday soundtrack in my car and the large tree in my living room, this seems like an astounding piece of information to me.  Good thing all of those copies of Why Mommy is a Democrat I ordered for my friends and family already came in!  Whew.  And Katie...see you in West Virginia?

Hello, my name is...

Recently, my sister Lisa finally got around to starting her own blog.  She debated between several names before finally choosing.  She picked a name that sort of sums up her conversational style, yet also (in my opinion) reflects the nature of a blogs as sort of superfluous yet enjoyable.

Which got me thinking about how I named this blog.  Did I deliberate?  Did I carefully weigh options, considering how they would relate to my likely future content or how they would draw in readers with their cleverness?

Nope.

I was thinking of starting a blog on Typepad.  Then I wrote an email in which I used the word "superfantastic" in a decidedly sarcastic way.  I decided this was an excellent sarcastic word.  I decided that if you wrote "I'm superfantastic." with a period and not an exclamation point, it was sure to be almost universally understood to be a sarcastic statement.  And then, since I am a rather wordy writer, I added the How are you today?  Then I checked Typepad, found that superfantastic was available, and bingo-bango, I had a blog.  A blog with a long, wordy title.

Little did I know that I would be out-sarcasticked in the name department by Susanna.  Or that I would later become concerned that as I signed my comments Superfantastic, people might think that I meant Superfantastic! and that if they visited my site, they'd find gratingly chipper stories about bunnies and rainbows and possibly even unicorns or daily affirmations of how super everything is!  And fantastic!  Blech. 

I since found out that apparently I use the word fantastic quite a bit to dryly respond to un-exciting things.  I had no idea.  I hate to be in a rut, so I am making an effort to substitute "tremendous" and "outstanding" when possible.  I also find that I do tend to add super to the beginning of words, such as superexciting to convey exactly the opposite.  (A German lady I work with, on the other hand, was completely sincere when she said to me "Super thanks!" for some small thing I did and it was really very sweet.  I may start using it.  But only with a German accent.)

So anyway, how did you name your blog?  Was it an impulse name like mine?  Did you have choices and pro/con lists and informal polling of your friends and family members?  Or if you don't have a blog (Why the heck not?) what would you call it if you did have one?  Or do you have a favorite blog name that makes you giggle every time you see it or wish you had thought of it first?  Or can you think of a more fitting/witty/concise name for this blog?  Any further thoughts on blog naming which have not been covered by my virtual interrogation?

Let the mad commenting spree begin!

So long suckers! I'm set for life!

Dear friend,

I am Mr. Chu Sengchen , Branch Manager. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.On November 6, 2000, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.

After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation that he died from an Egyptian air crash. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.I therefore made further investigation and discovered that he did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$30,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year.No one will ever come forward to claim it.

  According to Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of 6 (six) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to the man so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.

We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and authorization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 80% for me and 20% for you.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via my confidential email address: mrchen_seng@yahoo.com.cn

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

I await your urgent response via my confidential email address: mrchen_seng@yahoo.com.cn

Thanks and regards.

Mr. Chu Sengchen

I hope Mr. Chu Sengchen won't sue me for plagiarism!  Or get mad that I told you, because he did choose me specially.  If you want to take advantage of this offer, you had better get a move on because I am drafting an email already!

Do people really still fall for these things?  And do you think I can fulfill my responsibility to send an angel forward to at least 10 people by posting it here?  Because it will bring me good luck (Something good will happen outside of school or on Instant Messenger!  No really, it said so!) unless I delete it and then my whole life will go to crap and Jesus will know that I don't really love him.  What if I don't forward the angel and then Mr. Chu Sengchen decides not to send me the money?  Excuse me, must go email...

Wiki Wiki Wickety Whack

So, I've been tagged.  (In the meme sense, of course, not in the sense of "spraypainted with the signature of a graffiti artist.")  Katie, of Irony Queen fame, has tagged me for the Wikipedia meme.  Now, I know I'm supposed to act as if I'm irritated since I, as an artiste, am clearly above memes.  Except I must admit that I'm a little bit relieved not to have to think of original material to post here.  Thus, without further ado, I present the Wikipedia meme.

1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).
6. Tag more poor, unsuspecting suckers people.

Events

1789 - The US Department of State was established.  (They would go on, 216 years later to charge me an exorbitant fee for a passport in which my picture had turned mysteriously green, indicating, I fear, to foreign customs agents that I may be bringing infectious diseases of the digestive tract into their countries.)

1928 - Sir Alexander Fleming finds mold growing in his laboratory, discovering what would later come to be known as penicillin.  (Precursor to later tasty pink antibiotics which I consumed in vast quantities as a child for persistent ear infections.  Mmmm...amoxicillin.)

1981 - The Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously approves Sandra Day O'Connor's nomination as the first female Supreme Court Justice.  (I have no personal connection here beyond a general "I am woman..." thing.)

Births

1798 - James Fennimore Cooper

1857 - President William Howard Taft

1890 - Agatha Christie

1946 - Tommy Lee Jones AND Oliver Stone

1961 - Dan Marino

1984 - Prince Harry of Wales

Ok, I know that's way too many, but who knew that so many cool people were born on my Birthday?

Death

2004 - Johnny Ramone

Holiday

Japan - Respect for the Aged Day

I think we should all observe Respect for the Aged Day, seeing as how I grow progressively more aged on that date.  Which, for those of you wishing to mark your calendars, is September 15.  That's right-less than one month to go for all of your Lori's Birthday shopping needs!  Of course, in a pinch, cash will do nicely.

Oh, and I hereby tag Melissa.